My (24M) girlfriend (25F) took my debit card number and spent 10k over the last year and states I don’t do enough for her and love her the way she needs to be loved and is hypocritical about arguments she makes. How do I handle this situation?

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A Reddit user, 24M, shared a troubling situation involving his girlfriend of four years, 25F. Over the past year, she has secretly used his debit card to spend $10,000 while contributing little to their shared expenses and accusing him of not loving her the way she needs.

Despite his efforts to support her emotionally and financially, she continues to deflect responsibility and justify her actions. Now, the Redditor seeks advice on how to handle this deeply unbalanced and concerning relationship. Read the full story below for more details.

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‘ My (24M) girlfriend (25F) took my debit card number and spent 10k over the last year and states I don’t do enough for her and love her the way she needs to be loved and is hypocritical about arguments she makes. How do I handle this situation?’

Alright folks, My girlfriend and I have been together for just over 4 years and for the most part it was filled with happiness and love. At the time I was living with a few roommates, one of which was a female, and things went smooth for the most part.

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She would eventually make comments about my female roommate and would condone me from sleeping in my house due to her thinking I would do something with my roommate ( I have never done anything with her).

It wouldn’t be until about a year into our relationship that a guy friend of hers we have hung out with a lot used to be a guy she hooked up with numerous times right before we started dating. I think that is extremely hypocritical of her to cry and say n**ty things to me about my female roommate when she was doing exactly what she accused me of doing.

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Along side that, she would get extremely angry when I would like one of my female friends Facebook or Instagram posts, but she would do the same, whether it’s shirtless dudes flexing in the mirror or what not. She also posts everything to social media and would always post not the most appropriate photos.

She is a strong believer that she can post anything she wants as she complains how it would be controlling of me to say other wise. We both moved into an apartment and have lived together for about two years. Prior to moving in, we agreed that we would split bills evenly and adjust if we have too.

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The first month she gave me maybe 20% of what she owed, and after that she has never payed another bill. Once we moved in together, that is when she became more concerned with how much effort I put into her and how I don’t love her the way she needs to be loved.

I pay all the bills, do all grocery shopping, and I do majority of the cleaning. I understood some of what she was saying, so I would try to plan dates and other activities, but she would always decline. She tends to go out a lot on the weekends and even week days until 1-3 in the morning. It is hard to buy someone flowers or hangout when they aren’t around, or are sleeping off a hangover from being at the bars all night.

She went on a trip around a year ago, and that is when she started to use my debit card on her phone. While she was there for 10ish days she spent around 1,000 dollars. I confronted her and she said she didn’t know and was sorry.

Fast forward 10 months and she would continuously use my card for after pay, pick up orders, Amazon, and even paying off credit card debts ( which she cried saying that I should offer to help her pay it off and she shouldn’t have to ask and I should just offer if I cared)

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I really just want so honest opinions on the matter.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

trishsf −  She’s using you. If you say something, it’s controlling but she doesn’t live by the same standards. Here’s the real deal. She has free rent, food and a boyfriend she’s actually convinced that he doesn’t do enough. She barely lives there. You are being taken for a ride. Kick her ungrateful, double standard and taker ass out. Girlfriends, real deal girlfriends, do as much for you as you do for them.

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They express their love and appreciation and help you feel like you are 10 feet tall. Cancel the card, kick her out and never settle for crumbs again. She doesn’t even give you crumbs. She lives like she’s single. She needs to be.

Oohkbutnotokay −  Honest opinion?. Have you been lobotomised? She is committing fraud while you are here asking “gee golly gosh, ain’t that normal?” You dont have a partner you have a parasite.

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csudebate −  She is stealing from you and g**lighting you about it. Get out!

JaxValentine91 −  You have a financially and emotionally controlling, possibly even a**sive, girlfriend. She is putting in no effort to the relationship while complaining you aren’t doing enough. Cancel your debit card and get a new one. DO NOT give her the card details.

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If, for whatever reason, you want to start with this woman, you need to get serious about finances and expectations. She honestly sounds like the kind of person who only wants the money and will leave as soon as it dries up.

Plastic_Blood1782 −  You know you need to leave her.  There is 0.0% chance this doesn’t end up getting shittier and messier the next time you catch her 6 months from now.

Super_Chicken22 −  You are not serious? You are literally the ATM to a 304. And according to her, it’s all your fault. Priceless.

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Vivid-Farm6291 −  Run away as fast as your feet move. She is a leech and this is NOT how a relationship works.. Please run run run. 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

languagelover17 −  I’m sorry—did I read this right? You agreed to pay 50/50 bills and she paid 20 % of her share the first month? And then you let her not pay anything for (checks notes)—TWENTY THREE MORE MONTHS? Sir, you’re an i**ot. Kick her to the curb.

Careless_Card277 −  This is real for those asking and I have broken up with her and gotten a new debit card. The money situation was a year long process and I can’t tell you why I let it happen. She was extremely m**ipulative and would always find a way to convince me that she would repay me when things get better

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Ok_Astronaut_3235 −  You’re an i**ot for not taking the card away the first time. You saw what she was doing and kept letting it slide. Stop being a fool. It’s nearly 2025 and everyone needs to pay their own bills.

Do you think the girlfriend’s actions are excusable in the context of their relationship, or are they crossing serious boundaries of trust and respect? How would you address financial dishonesty and emotional manipulation in a relationship? Share your thoughts below and offer your advice for navigating this difficult situation!

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