Am I ‘26F’ overreacting about my fiancé’s ‘27M’ behavior with a female friend?

A woman (26F) is questioning whether she’s overreacting about her fiancé’s (27M) behavior with a female friend. At a recent team event, her fiancé showed her special attention, including buying her drinks, making physical jokes, and inviting her to stay at their house.

His actions, along with his continued involvement with her in other activities, have left her feeling uncomfortable and uncertain. Her fiancé insists that she’s just being jealous, but she’s unsure how to approach the situation.

‘ Am I ‘26F’ overreacting about my fiancé’s ‘27M’ behavior with a female friend?’

Ok, so for context, my fiancé and I are getting married in two months and we’ve been friends with this girl who joined his frisbee team for about three or four months. We were all out with the team for an end of season party and my fiancé was paying this girl a lot of special attention (sitting as far away from me at the table to talk to her and one other person).

At one point, he got up to grab him and her a water but didn’t check in with me at all. That’s fine, I can get my own water, but definitely out of character. When we all got up to go, my fiance (who is crazy tall) told her his coat was the perfect size for the two of them (he’s constant pointing out how short and tiny she is).

He proceeds to open his coat and invite her inside with him where he closes it and wraps her up. All of our friends stop talking and stare at me before laughing awkwardly when he lets her out. Flash forward to later that evening at one of the teammates’ house.

He puts her shoes inside his and makes another joke about how cute and small she is. Flash forward again to the bar we all go to. He buys her drink and opens his own tab instead of putting his drink on mine, orders for her, and repeatedly asks her if he can carry her stuff (she does have a sprained thumb) but she says she’s fine multiple times.

At the end of the night, he invites her back to our house to crash because her uber home was going to be way too expensive that time of night but doesn’t ask me first (we end up having two other people stay too).

The next morning, he goes out to breakfast with her and the other two teammates but doesn’t come back until 11:30. That would be fine, but we were supposed to be at my best friend’s son’s birthday party at 10.

After all of this, he acts like nothing is wrong and has since told me that I’m too jealous. But he’s also joining a soccer team now with her and two of our other friends?? It kind of feels like he has a crush on her but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or how I should bring it up without making it seem accusatory.

See what others had to share with OP:

JCMidwest −  Time to ~~postpone~~ cancel the wedding

Izzy4162305 −  You are underreacting. A full weekend of this behavior, so out of line that even your friends checked it? Yeah, you need to call off the wedding. He’s definitely not ready to be married, and you deserve better than this g**lighting douchecanoe.

Ok-Willow5217 −  You’d be embarrassing yourself by staying with someone like this.

SomethingMildlyFunny −  Yeah I don’t think you’re overreacting at all and it’s time to have a sit down talk about what his interests are with her and with you. Neglecting your SO and giving all your attention to someone else is unacceptable. There’s a lot of disrespect there and to ignore it is an issue as well.

Altruistic_Cobbler18 −  Just break up with him. If you marry this guy you will be a doormat and he will cheat on you.

trishsf −  Would you be okay with this if you were married? He’s already “totally committed” and just no. Beyond inappropriate and though I do not jump to worst case, I wonder how he behaves when you aren’t there? I would put the wedding on hold. I would. I strongly suggest premarital counseling yesterday.

The worst part is that he blamed your jealousy. Classic deflection. Everyone there had to wonder what the heck you are thinking marrying someone who behaves like this. You saw their faces. If you get on board with pretending that everything is okay, you are signing up for years of this.

I say years, because I can’t believe you would stick around when this continues. It will. It’s your fault. You have a problem. According to him. What really bothers me is I can hear you not wanting to make a big deal out of this. It is a big deal. And. Not the first time, is it? The comments about other women.

The blatant flirting in front of you. Maybe this is the worst he’s behaved in front of you, but there have been other things. Don’t be this woman. The one who lets things slide because she wants to turn a blind eye. The one who doesn’t want to call off a wedding because what will people think.

The weak woman who allows her husband to disrespect her and the relationship with this behavior. Delay. I’m guessing he won’t agree to therapy because you are the problem. If so, walk. It would take, I can’t imagine what, for me to go ahead at any point with a person who has so little respect for me. So. Respect yourself. He doesn’t.

[Reddit User] −  Me personally I would cancel the wedding entirely. What he did was sooo disrespectful. He embarrassed you in front of others, and was openly flirting with some other girl right in front of you. Like he literally acted like you weren’t there and payed for her drinks not yours HIS FIANCÉ.

Proceeds to go out to eat with her and others without you again, causing you to miss an event that you already planned. Did he even apologize? The fact that everyone else looked at you when they were flirting shows how wrong this was too.

If he doesn’t see anything wrong with this now, Lord knows what you’re in for if you decide to marry him. I wouldn’t do it.

Infamous_Tea8991 −  You letting all of this happen and not feeling you can say anything without him getting super defensive and being so worried about that indicates a problem in your relationship.

And his behavior is so out of line and the fact that you still are asking for advice on it and how to approach indicates you need to evaluate his respect and commitment to you. Just because he isn’t blatantly hooking up with other women doesn’t mean that this is acceptable behavior.

He should be creating an environment where you feel safe and secure in your relationship. Especially in this important time when you are engaged and planning a life together forever.

The fact that he’s doing this is suspicious of other behavior he engages in. If he’s so blatantly disrespectful in front of you, what is he doing behind your back?

DevotedRed −  NOR and let him read this post so he can process your concerns better than he can in conversation. Less opportunity to get defensive.

GameboyPATH −  It’s possible to stay firm with him – both in expressing your feelings about his behavior, and what you consider to be appropriate and inappropriate things to do with other people while in a committed relationship – all without making any accusations or assumptions.

“This doesn’t feel right to me, and I’d like for you to understand and respect how I feel. I’d like to better understand your perspective on this, and how you feel about your interactions with her, and hopefully we can get to a point of mutual understanding and figure out a set of expectations for the future that we can both agree on.”

How should she address her concerns with her fiancé? How can she express her feelings without sounding accusatory? Share your thoughts and advice below.