My boyfriend (21M) pinned me down (18F) to “show me how easy I would be to be assaulted.” How do I process this?

A young woman (18F) shared a deeply unsettling experience with her boyfriend (21M). After a night out partying with friends, her boyfriend grew angry, and when they arrived at his apartment, he pinned her down to “show her how easy it would be to be assaulted.”

She was left feeling confused, scared, and unsure of how to process what happened, questioning whether this relationship is something she can move forward from

‘ My boyfriend (21M) pinned me down (18F) to “show me how easy I would be to be assaulted.” How do I process this?’

I was 18F, and my boyfriend was 21M. This happened when I was at college and has been weighing on me ever since. One night, I went out partying with some friends from my dorm. We were drinking and smoking a bit, just enjoying ourselves.

My boyfriend wanted to come, but I told him I wanted to spend time with my own set of friends. While we were out, he showed up. I talked to him briefly, and he asked me to come back to his apartment when we were done. I told him I’d let him know because we were planning to stay out longer.

Eventually, we got food and decided to head back to my dorm. I texted him to let him know, and he got angry. He started blowing up my phone, calling repeatedly. I ignored him at first, but then he showed up outside my dorm in his car and demanded I come with him.

I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I went with him. In the car, he started lecturing me, yelling that I had put myself in danger by being out and that one of the guys at the party could have hurt me. I was crying, trying to tell him I was fine and nothing had happened, but he just kept going.

When we got to his apartment, he threw my ring across the room and kept yelling. Then, out of nowhere, he pinned me down on his bed, face down, holding my arms. He told me he was “showing me how easy it would be to be assaulted.” I was crying and couldn’t move.

He let go eventually, but he acted like nothing had happened. I was left sobbing to myself, and he didn’t even try to comfort me. We just went to sleep afterward. What he did when we got back to his apartment has left me feeling scared and confused. I don’t know how to process this. Do I leave him or is this something I can move past?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

ExpensiveCrazy6872 −  Don’t stay with him, it will lead to worse, if he scares you like that, that’s bad, a man is meant to protect someone he loves not terrify them, run, call the cops if he comes back and tell them everything, block his number, tell your family quickly, no one deserves to go through this

Jenyfel −  Leave him. He didn’t show you what it’s like to be assaulted… he assaulted you. Period. He will do way worse if you stay with him. He showed you his true colours, what will be next?

Samael13 −  You leave him. He’s being a**sive and controlling. This is the start, but it doesn’t stop here. He *will* get worse. He will escalate. At first he will do so under the guise of “showing you” what kinds of things could happen to you.

Eventually it will be that you “made” him do things. It has nothing to do with *you*, and everything to do with him being a**sive and seeing you as a thing he *owns* and controls. The only person who was a danger to you that night was *him*.

Zandarino −  These are warning signs of possessive abuse. This is just the beginning if you stay with him. He is basically forbidding you from going out with your friends, and assaulting you when you did. He says you are at danger from other guys, but you have gotten this far without his “protection.”

Guys like this don’t get better (at least not without a lot of therapy and work and they have to want to change). This guy has a violent temper and is possessive to an extreme, and he is going to hurt you way more than he protects you.

AttimusMorlandre −  You don’t have a boyfriend, you have an abuser. I strongly suggest letting other people know about this incident and consider getting a restraining order.

beavercountysoapco −  Leave him. He is violent, and it will get worse. Listen to your gut, she’s trying to keep you safe.

Disastrous_Text708 −  The best way to move past this is to leave his ass. It will only get worse from there Put it this way…you didn’t want to leave your dorm, but he coerced you to. Then he took you somewhere you didn’t want to go, which is legally kidnapping,

and THEN he assaulted you to show you how easy it would be….he physically assaulted you…and hasn’t even attempted to show remorse. Do you want to end up in a shallow grave? Because this is how you end up in a shallow grave. Whole time he was really showing you WHO to be afraid of, you should listen.. Best of luck

RoggieRog92 −  That sounds really f**king crazy.. You should leave him AND let your friends and family know he did that. That’s one step away from him actually doing that s**t

mountain_doofus −  I would like to show your boyfriend how easy it is for him to be assaulted.

Mangogirll −  He is DANGEROUS. Get out of that relationship