My boyfriend 23M was very ungrateful about the gifts I 22F got him, how can I express that this has hurt me?

A young woman (22F) is heartbroken after her boyfriend (23M) reacted poorly to the thoughtful gifts she got him for Christmas. Despite her limited finances, she went above and beyond to choose items tailored to his needs and interests.

Only for him to dismiss them and mock her effort. Though he apologized for being ungrateful, she’s unsure how to communicate how much this has hurt her. Read the full story below.

‘ My boyfriend 23M was very ungrateful about the gifts I 22F got him, how can I express that this has hurt me?’

We have been dating for almost 1 year. We got each other Christmas presents, he got me shampoo and conditioner, a candle, a Stanley bottle and aquaphor. He comes from a privileged family so when I asked him what he wanted he said that he didn’t know.

So I did an all-nighter looking for presents online, I watched videos, I looked here on Reddit. I got him things that he will use in his day to day life. Before I continue I’ll just mention that I am a university student whose parents can barely afford rent, I used all my money on his present and I even asked my brother for extra.. I got him:

1- a Stanley bottle because he goes to the gym a lot and doesn’t have one. He said that he didn’t like it because he won’t use it he prefers water bottles.

2- I got him an apple air tag because we always spend 5 minutes trying to find his car every time he parks it somewhere. He literally cringed at this gift and said “an AirTag? What am I gonna use this for?” And laughed in my face. Once I told him what it’s for he said that he won’t use it.

3- I got him an eyebrow kit because he’s been pestering me about doing his brows. One day at the shopping centre we walking past them and he said “you should buy stuff like this for me and take care of me” so I was very surprised when he said he wouldn’t use it and I said I’ll do it for you, he said “yeah but I won’t use it”

4- I got him Polaroid films because for his birthday I got him a Polaroid camera, I think he liked this he just said thank you.

I got him 3 more things which haven’t arrived yet. I’m very upset because I was surprised by his reaction, it’s almost like he was disappointed and laughing at my effort. I went through so much to get them. He apologised for being “ungrateful”, but I don’t know where to go from here.

He left his presents on my bed, didn’t even put them away and he left to go get food because I refused to go. This was also hurtful because he could’ve at least put them away. But I don’t know, I’m just hurt and I don’t know if I’m not seeing his point of view, so any advice will be helpful, I’m open to constructive criticism

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Champion_Flight −  Your boyfriennd isn’t just ungrateful – he’s straight-up CRUEL. Laughing in your face? Cringing at thoughtful gifts? Sis, you went above and beyond while struggling financially, and he acted like a spoiled b**t who didn’t get exactly what he wanted from mommy and daddy…

The audacity of this man to literally ASK for eyebrow products then act like they’re useless! And the AirTag solution for his parking problem? That’s genuinely clever (and not cheap btw). His reaction shows zero appreciation for your time, effort, or financial sacrifice..

His “apology” for being ungrateful means nothing when he left the gifts scattered on your bed like trash. Actions speak louder than words, babe, and his are SCREAMING entitled manchild. You deservve someone who appreciates your thoughtfulness, not someone who makes you feel small for trying.

A Stanley bottle and shampoo from Mr. Privileged vs you spending your last dime? The math ain’t mathing. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking your hurt isn’t valid – it absolutely is.

KDLAlumni −  Your boyfriend sounds like an a**hole.  . I don’t think you can fix him.

One_and_only4 −  I mean wow! I think 90% of the people here would be lucky to have someone who gives that much thought to presents.
Even if I didn’t like the gifts someone gave, I would certainly appreciate the time, effort and money it took to do all of this.

I would certainly be upset about it but this might be just the beginning. If he comes from a privileged family, it might not improve. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

UsuallyWrite2 −  First—don’t spend money you can’t afford to spend on gifts. You shouldn’t be borrowing money or putting gifts on a credit card. Set a gift amount within your budget. Or don’t do gifts at all. Second—your BF is a spoiled ingrate a**hole. I’d lose that j**k.

itwontletmedopoo −  You should return all of his gifts and spend the money on yourself.

Predd1tor −  Wait… the rich dude who got you cop-out f**king shampoo and conditioner is unhappy with the way more thoughtful and expensive, higher effort gifts you got him? Where the hell does this spoiled little manchild get off? And then of course he tries to wrap his cruelty up as “honesty.” Please. How pathetic.

The AirTag is a brilliant and elegant solution — his reaction to that alone speaks volumes. He’d rather keep wasting time looking for his car because he’s too dumb to remember where he parked it, and too proud to admit your gift was a good one and actually use it to help solve the problem? What a juvenile asshat.

Seems obvious he was just looking for reasons to dislike your gifts and make you feel bad. This reeks of someone who’s impossible to please, and relishes the opportunity to make other people feel small and not good enough so they’ll keep trying harder to win his favor. But he’s not a prize worth trying to win.

He had the opportunity here to be gracious and kind, and appreciative of your thoughtfulness. Instead, he used it to tear you down and let you know that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much money you spend, no matter how good your intentions — it will never be enough to make him happy.

And you know why that is? It’s because he has holes inside your gifts and kindness can’t fill, and character deficits no amount of thoughtfulness on your part can correct. The issue isn’t your gifts — it’s his own ugliness.

If you stick around, he’ll keep taking it out on you. He has shown you how little grace and empathy he possesses. This won’t be the last time his mask slips. Pay attention.

anitasdoodles −  I’d honestly d**p anyone who got me shampoo and conditioner for Christmas

Trisamitops −  If you choose to stay with this boy, don’t worry about expressing to him that this hurt you. He knows that, it doesn’t bother him. That’s why he’s telling you why he said what he said, basically why he’s right, instead of an actual apology.

He knows, and he is not sorry. You being hurt is not as important as him being right. I recommend canceling all presents indefinitely for the remainder of the relationship. Just don’t do presents. Unless those presents are condoms. You should both get each other lots and lots of condoms, and please use them.

Difficult_Cupcake764 −  Return everything get your money back. Drop the ungrateful bf. He won’t change.

kellyvcombs −  It sounds like he was intentionally trying to make you feel stupid and small given you got him something he literally asked for and he still tore it apart. Your gifts were very thoughtful and even if they weren’t, a kind person wouldn’t behave this way.

I would honestly take everything back and return it, including the gifts that are on their way. If he gets mad, remind him that he said he wouldn’t use any of it. Then I would break up with him because this isn’t how a loving partner should treat you. I’ll also say, please don’t go into debt buying presents for anyone.

Any of these presents alone would be sufficient for a boyfriend of a year, and you bought seven expensive gifts you can’t afford. That is unwise even if he’d been grateful. It’s also very rich of him to mock your gifts when he essentially got you generic drugstore toiletries (and literally one of the same gifts you got him).

Thoughtful gifts often reflect deep care and effort, but dismissive reactions can leave a lasting sting. How should the woman express her feelings and navigate her hurt in this situation? Do you think her boyfriend’s reaction points to a deeper issue in the relationship? Share your thoughts below!