My (31M) wife (31F) wants me to cut ties with my family before Christmas and is threatening divorce. How do I navigate this?

A Reddit user is facing a difficult ultimatum from their wife, who has asked them to cut ties with their parents after a disagreement over a new car purchase. While the user values their relationship with their parents, their wife feels their involvement is meddling and has threatened divorce if the ties aren’t severed.

With Christmas approaching, the user is grappling with how to navigate this sensitive situation and communicate with both their wife and parents effectively. Read the full story below for more context.

‘ My (31M) wife (31F) wants me to cut ties with my family before Christmas and is threatening divorce. How do I navigate this?’

I’m dealing with a tough situation and need advice on how to handle it. My wife and I (both 31) have different relationships with our families. I’m close with my parents, talking to them once or twice a week, while my wife doesn’t have a strong relationship with her family.

The issue started when we bought a new car. My parents thought it was too expensive and shared their opinions, which upset my wife. Now she’s asking me to cut ties with my family because she feels they’re meddling in our life. She’s told me that if I don’t, she will divorce me.

We’re approaching Christmas, and I’ve promised her we’ll spend the holiday without my parents. However, I’m struggling with how to explain this to my family, especially since I’m not comfortable lying about the situation..

So my question is: How do I have this conversation with my parents without causing unnecessary tension, and how can I navigate this situation with my wife moving forward?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Famous_Rip1570 −  you shouldnt cut off your family, but you shouldve put your foot down when they criticized your life. i imagine that isnt the first time because thats a dramatic over reaction.

you guys need to sit down and have an adult conversation where you state next time you wont let them say these things, and follow through on it. hopefully its not too far gone, feels like we are missing apart of the story.

GenoFlower −  I would bet good money that there is a good chunk of info missing, and that this didn’t start with the car. Even if that’s part of it, you and your wife are in your 30s, and how much your car cost is none of your parents’ business. They don’t get to vocalize opinions on that.

Since they seem very comfortable vocalizing their feelings about the car, and you don’t seem at all comfortable expressing yours, my guess is that it’s easier to give in to your parents than to defend your wife.

Yep, that’s pure speculation and conjecture. I have nothing to base it on, but it’s not rational that your wife would just say “cut off your parents” over a car disagreement, even one that your parents had no business being involved in anyway.

Frosty_Emotion_1431 −  The likelihood of this being their first offense and her jumping straight to the divorce threat is extremely low. Is this the first time ever they tried to tell “make suggestions” about how you live your life? Is she constantly feeling attacked and criticized by them and you are downplaying it to one single incident?

No_Performance8733 −  NO ONE THREATENS DIVORCE OVER ONE COMMENT. C’mon OP. What else is going on? 

Willing-Gur823 −  I honestly doubt this is the entire story. She didnt just ask for divorce coz of this instance, smth big must have accumulated over the years and this was the last straw that broke the cammels back, be honest what actually happened

JanetInSpain −  How much do they interfere? How often do they express their opinions about what you should and should not be doing? What do YOU do when that happens? This post feels like it’s missing a lot.

It is literally part of the job of a partner to set boundaries with their parents and then enforce them. Are you standing up to your parents? Have you told them to knock that s**t off? Or are you trying to “stay in the middle” or “keep the peace” or some other b**lshit excuse for not confronting them when they say/do something inappropriate and over the line?

I’m betting this happens a lot and you’re trying to make it sounds like your wife is overreacting, when the truth is you’re leaving her to deal alone with the intrusion from your parents. I’d love to see you HONESTLY answer the above.

RickRussellTX −  My friend, your wife doesn’t have a problem with your parents. She has a problem with you. My parents thought it was too expensive and shared their opinions, which upset my wife And how did you correct your parents?

ApparentlyaKaren −  Sorry but this SCREAMS ‘missing loads and loads of information here’ — unless you’re literally married to a s**iopath I really doubt that your wife is pushing to go no contact with your family because of one lil comment about the price of your car.

Check out the r/JUSTNOMIL forum…..usually there’s a long history of mistreatment and emotional abuse that the spouse has endured before deciding that it’s time to go NC. I’d love to hear your wife’s POV honestly.

Kragg_hack −  Are you sure this issue started with the car or is this the final straw for your wife after your parents have done this before? Because if this is truly the only time your parents have done something similar this is a really big over reaction from your wife, and it would be very extreme to cut off contact with your parents if it is only this thing.

And in general, threatening with divorce for a small thing like this (if it’s really are only this single issue) is a really toxic and a**sive behaviour. So if it is, divorce might be the best…

FlyoverState61 −  This seems like the last straw in a long line of straws. Unless your parents are hassling her constantly without your knowledge, cutting ties is an overreaction. I’d tell my spouse I’m not cutting ties until I know the full story and that threatening divorce is unacceptable.

I’d talk with my parents and tell them that while I appreciate that they’re probably just “looking out” for me & my family, that unless I point blank ask for an opinion, they can keep things to themselves. Good luck. Holiday season seems to bring out the best and worst in everyone. Or maybe that’s just my family.

Do you think the wife’s ultimatum is fair in light of the situation, or should the user prioritize finding a compromise between their family ties and their marriage? How would you approach balancing family relationships with your partner’s feelings? Share your thoughts and advice below!