I think my (28F) partner (30M) of 10 years might have abandoned me and our baby?

A woman (28F) shared a heartbreaking story about her fiancé (30M) seemingly abandoning her and their 1-year-old baby. Their relationship began to unravel during her pregnancy, as he started gambling, became distant, and eventually refused contact.

Now, she’s left living in her brother’s basement, unsure about her future, her belongings, and even her cats, while her fiancé blocks all communication.

‘ I think my (28F) partner (30M) of 10 years might have abandoned me and our baby?’

I don’t even know where to start. I feel heartbroken, confused, and desperate for advice or even just some empathy. My fiancé (30M) and I (28F) have been together for 10 years. He always talked about wanting a family, and we planned our life around that dream.

A few years ago, we bought a house together, but only his name is on the title because most of the down payment came from his RRSP. I was uncomfortable with this, but since we planned to marry soon, I agreed. I paid for all our moving costs and fully furnished the house, so we both contributed in our own ways.

Last November, I gave birth to our daughter—a child we planned and he said he wanted. But things took a strange turn during my pregnancy. Out of nowhere, he started gambling, something he’d never done before. He lost several paychecks in a matter of weeks.

I convinced him to let me manage his bank account, hoping to control the damage. Then, when our baby was just four weeks old, he claimed he had the flu and needed to stay at his parents’ house to avoid infecting the baby. I thought he’d be gone for a few days, but he stayed an entire month.

When he returned, he started acting distant, saying he was overwhelmed by work. He worked from home while I was on unpaid maternity leave (I’m self-employed), but instead of logging in, he stayed up all night and slept all day. HR even called me to say he hadn’t logged in for days and sent a wellness check to the house.

For weeks, he avoided me entirely, eating alone in his room and refusing to interact with me or the baby. Then he demanded access to his bank account again. I reluctantly handed it over, and he immediately started gambling again. Around this time, he began raging at me when I tried to talk to him about anything.

Feeling unsafe and overwhelmed, I took our baby and stayed with my parents. He would only respond to texts sporadically, often telling me to “fuck off” and claiming he was depressed and needed therapy before he could deal with me or the baby. He said I couldn’t come back home until he was better, but weeks turned into months.

Over the summer, he fell behind on the mortgage and asked me for money to catch up. I sent him the money, hoping it would help stabilize things. He thanked me at first and said I’d be able to come home soon, but nothing changed.

Every time I tried to visit the house to collect our things, he would scream at me or refuse to let me in. As time passed, his communication became even worse. By September, he was barely responding. He blocked my phone number and social media just before our daughter’s first birthday. I have no idea what’s happening anymore.

We have four cats that he wouldn’t let me take, and I’m terrified they aren’t being cared for. Most of the furniture and belongings in the house are mine, but I don’t know if the house is in foreclosure or what will happen to everything inside.

I’ve reached out to his parents, who are still in contact with him, but they say he refuses to talk about the situation. They’ve even given him money to cover the mortgage, but he won’t answer any of my questions or let me know where we stand.

Now, I’m staying in my brother’s basement with my baby, feeling like I’ve lost everything—my partner, my home, my belongings, and even my cats. I’m drowning in confusion and heartbreak. I don’t know if he’s abandoned us completely or if he’s going through something I can’t help with. What do I do? How do I move forward?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  The only advice I can give is move on. Stop trying with him, and once he sees that you have moved on, he’ll snap out of it, and try to get you back, but girl don’t let him back after this b**lshit. You find better for you and that baby

AtmosphereOptimal795 −  Trust me, if he had actually stayed it would have been worse. The fact that you are rid of him makes child support and full custody so much easier.

Wise_Investigator282 −  don’t send him any more money. ever. he is a gambling addict. when a gambling addict is active they are basically a money pit. you’d be better off lighting money on fire as that would at least reduce your heating bill.

you’re probably lucky you’re not married as his debts won’t be assigned to you. be thankful you can live with your parents. change all your passwords and all your bank accounts. make sure he has access to NOTHING that is specifically yours. get in contact with a family and estate attorney.

you’re going to want to try to get your belongings back even if just to sell so you have liquidity and start going after him for child support. it likely will be $0 as you can’t squeeze water from a stone, but it’s better than being stuck with gambling debt for the rest of your life.

your number one priority is your child and your number two priority is yourself. unfortunately your fiancé decided to destroy himself, don’t let him destroy the two of you as well.

try to maintain a good relationship with his parents if you can. but again, no money. your baby needs your money. maybe getting legal notices from you will shock him enough to get him into rehab. nothing else will.

Looped_Out −  you need a lawyer. now. call one now.

paper_wavements −  What happened is that your partner is a gambling addict. Addiction can make people behave in strange ways that are even counter to their values. *Especially* gambling addiction. Consult a lawyer/solicitor to see about getting your belongings back & filing for child support.

Keep staying with your parents, be grateful you can do so. End this relationship. Go to Al-Anon meetings (they have online ones as well). You are entitled to grieve what you thought you had.

I *promise* you that you & your baby will be better off without this man. Stay strong for your child. He may beg you to come back & promise to change; *don’t relent*. Your relationship is over.

_s1m0n_s3z −  The money, house, furniture and cats are all gone. Tell your parents to send him nothing; the money you and they did send him was spent on gambling, not on the mortgage.

It is time to file for child support, and if you can, to garnish his wages. You will get nothing voluntary out of him. Talk to a lawyer about getting back in to the house and retrieving your furniture and personal property. I don’t know how the law works in your jurisdiction.

Quiet_Plenty_8328 −  Child support and forget that man.

lunar_adjacent −  Ask the parents to get the cats for you.

Lula_Lane_176 −  He’s done worse than abandon you. He’s kicked you both out of your shared home and all but stolen yours and your daughters possessions by refusing you access. File for child support and custody as soon as possible.

Depending on your state, this may also be the time to lay claim to at least some of the furnishings, maybe a vehicle, etc. Stop trying to fix this relationship and start trying to preserve what you can since you’re starting at a disadvantage after basically losing everything.

The longer you wait, the less you will be entitled to. The support and custody are priority here. ETA: Do not give him another dime. For anything.

MariliaBarros −  I’m so sorry about this. Reach out to a lawyer to understand your options. You, your daughter and your pets deserve to live a life without this type of abuse. Regardless of his motives what he is doing to you is emotional and financial abuse and no matter how much you love him it’s not your responsibility to rescue him.