I (50F) told my mother her husband is no longer welcome in my home.

A Reddit user shares the tough decision she made to tell her mother that her husband is no longer welcome in her home due to years of disrespectful and abusive behavior towards her family.

This decision has strained her relationship with her mother, who has always defended her husband. Read the full story below to see how she navigates the difficult balance between maintaining her boundaries and preserving her bond with her mother.

‘ I (50F) told my mother her husband is no longer welcome in my home.?’

I recently called my mother and let her know her husband is no longer welcome in my home. She has been with this guy for about 25 years. I’ve hated him from the moment we met. My son, husband and myself have been putting up with his disrespectful behaviour for years.

The few times I’ve tried speaking with my mom about this she gets very defensive, and I feel that she thinks I’m making things up.
Her husband has told me he’s only with my mom for her money. He’s been verbally a**sive to my son, and most recently told my husband who has a chronic illness,

that he was a d**g abuser (couldn’t be farther from the truth). I finally had enough and told my mom I wasn’t willing to allow him to do this to my family anymore. She wanted examples, so I told her about the 3 listed above (I could have given dozens).

She’s completely taken his side in this and says I should put my petty issues aside, and that she can’t believe I would throw away my family over this. I love my mom and don’t want to lose her, but I’m pissed. She’s always taken his side, even when it’s completely obvious he was in the wrong.

How can I allow him to be in our lives when I know he won’t change, in fact it will probably get worse. Why should I subject my family to his abuse and disrespect for the sake of the family?

I know she loves her husband, and I’m not wanting or expecting her to cut ties with him. When we spoke I told her we would just have to figure out a new way to proceed with a relationship (minus the husband).

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Far-Cup9063 −  You are doing exactly what you need to do. He is not allowed in your home, and you are not required to take your family over to his house (your mother’s). To have a relationship with her, you can meet Her for a lunch out somewhere, and bring your family out with you.

Aldetha −  You are not throwing away your family over this. You are setting a fair and reasonable boundary. She is still free to maintain her relationship with you and your family.

You’re not making her choose you or her husband. The only person stopping your mother from having a relationship with you is your mother. Unfortunately you can’t make this work until she realises that.

Haunting_Extension24 −  Some moms can be so delusional and nonchalant about serious situations like these, I’m CONVINCED it has something to do with their generation and the way they think, behave and were raised.

Geez, how can your mother NOT see that this man is toxic, is she really that easily fooled and in deep, and its her own daughter and grandchild????? Mercy, 🙄🙄🙄 I AGREE with you, and you are NOT in the wrong.

Sometimes you need to get serious and put your foot down and put people in your place so they respect your boundaries and if that means that you need to cut them off, do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family.

And do not let her gaslight you and guilt trip you into accepting him or them back into your home or life, people like these never ever change because it’s who they are.

decaturbob −  – you have every right to eliminate toxic people from impacting your life and it sounds like you have ALLOWED this to happen for 25 yrs. – it is NOT up to YOU to make this work. You defined a boundary for your mother’s inclusion in your life and its HER choice now in how to proceed

DominateSunshine −  I’m 51f. I know how difficult this is for you. But you are doing the right thing in protecting your nuclear family.

tearoom442 −  You’re not “throwing away your family” you are PROTECTING your family. Good for you!

TheUrbanBunny −  Beloved. She knows. She’s probably know if not always for a very long time. She also knows he won’t change and she frankly doesn’t want to leave him. But you, you’re her daughter and she believes she can guilt and convince you to accept his mistreatment for her sake.

She’ll never never vocalize it, because when said aloud she can’t run from her being complicit in hurting y’all. She can be your mom and still be a c**ard. Not everyone is attached to an abuser due to being abused themselves. Some people don’t *care* if someone they love is cruel.

As long as they aren’t cruel to them.. You have to let her go.. Maybe the loss will sober her up.. Maybe it won’t. For your family’s sake you need to allow yourself to mourn the relationship and what is should’ve been. Her poor choice impact your life. But those choices aren’t your fault.

Themightytiny07 −  Your mom is throwing away the family, You are protecting your family

CremeDeMarron −  She’s completely taken his side in this and says I should put my petty issues aside, and that she can’t believe I would throw away my family over this. That isn’t petty issues but about to protect your family from toxicity.

You don’t throw away your family over this , she does. She didn’t protect your family or stand up against him while he abused every family members. You simply took the decision she should have taken. You do what is the best for your family and prioritize them and their wellbeing.

Never doubt or regret this. The home ban you ve set is the consequence of his behaviour , her inaction and her failure as mother to make this stop,always taking his side over and over.

Money-Examination884 −  You’re taking the correct path here. It’s now up to your mom to figure out what she wants her path forward to be.

What would you do in this situation? Is it justified to set firm boundaries when someone in your life repeatedly disrespects and hurts your family, even at the cost of straining a relationship with a loved one? Share your thoughts and experiences below!