My (30M) gf (28F) said that she’s capable of cheating on me.

A Reddit user (30M) shared his concerns about his girlfriend (28F) after she told him that she could potentially cheat on him under certain circumstances. During a conversation about cheating, she mentioned that if they had a big fight and she met someone who fulfilled the emotional needs she felt were missing in their relationship,

she could cheat, but she wouldn’t consider it cheating because she would view it as ending their relationship first. This admission has left the user questioning his relationship and whether this is a serious red flag or just a difference in values. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ My (30M) gf (28F) said that she’s capable of cheating on me. ‘

Been with my gf near 2 years now. It’s been a lot of ups and downs. I know I love her, and in her own way, she loves me. But things like this make me question it. The broad strokes are that we’re probably not that compatible. She seeks logic, mentorship, and intellectual stimulation.

I seek compassion, empathy, and emotional support. I’m smart but nearly on her level and I haven’t experienced enough to teach her new things. She is devoid of empathy and doesn’t get attached. She’s not perfect, but what I get from her, I get from nobody else.

She makes me a better person and I care so much for her. What she gets from me she can get from a lot of people. It’s not special or unique. Last night, we were talking about some other people and the concept of cheating. These people were trying to convince me that cheating can be a mistake.

I said it’s never a mistake. Cheating is a series of choices. Nobody just stumbles and falls and winds up in bed with someone. You make a choice to talk to someone; flirt with them; let them touch you; connect deeper; go home together; get out of the car together; go inside together; continue the conversation; strip; kiss; and get intimate.

That’s too many choices to be a mistake imo. So these people were adamant and then me and my gf were guessing which one cheating for them to feel that way. She chose the girl because she “gets her.” I asked what she meant, and she was like well I’m capable of doing that.

She said “there’s a lot you’re lacking that I miss from the tons of people I’ve dated (I knew this already). If we ever got into a really big fight, I could go out and talk to some people and if there’s someone that has all those traits I’ve been missing, and they’re hot and I’m angry enough, yeah I could cheat on you.

Of course, then I’d come home and tell you I cheated and that this over so in my head it’s not cheating because I’m making the active choice to end the relationship via cheating. At that point it’s more I’m just breaking up with you before telling you.”

Idk, I could never disrespect someone like that. It’s not even telling me she would cheat on me. She’s just saying there’s circumstances where it a possibility, however unlikely that might be.

And it’s bugging me because I could never sleep with someone without ending things first. I don’t care if she fucks someone 2 minutes after breaking up. At least have the decency to break up first. Is this not the reddest of flags? Or is it just a difference in values?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

SenatorPardek −  It’s absolutely a difference in values. So, I think her point is basically like “if I was angry enough to break up; I’d go cheat and do it that way, forcing the issue.” Which I mean, sucks, but people do that sometimes. It’s mean, and IMO cowardly. That being said.

IMO: this is the bigger red flag to me “there’s a lot you’re lacking that I miss from the tons of people I’ve dated”. Why is she with you then? My spouse would NEVER say something like that to me, or vice versa. She seems to be trying to remind you that “you don’t have everything I like, so I’m doing you a favor here by being with you.”

To me, this would be a huge fight and possibly a break up or serious relationship work/counseling. It’s your call, but frankly if my description of someone was ” in her own way, she loves me.” I don’t think it’s a relationship worth putting up with statements like the above for.

UbePhaeri −  My ex told he wouldn’t know what he would do if a hot girl flirted with him or kissed him. He ended up cheating. So… if your girlfriend is telling you that she would if she was angry then I’d believe her when she tells you who she is.

She is literally giving you a direct warning so she can use it against you as a “I warned you so you can’t be angry” later on. It’s time to think if you’ll accept an open relationship and if not then you should leave now that you know her morals.

Edit: Also she is using this manipulation so you fear losing her and treat her in a way where you are walking on egg shells and she is the queen. Not a good relationship dynamic

Fuzzy-Birthday1559 −  I think she’s telling you your future. She’s planning to break up with you, and not only that she’s gonna make sure to really hurt you in the process.

wtfwhystopnow −  Girl just told you she can justify cheating by “breaking up with you before telling you” in her mind. And of course it’s your fault because she’s been lacking things and wants them (read as deserves them).

Mental gymnastics people are not loyal people, they make all those series of poor decisions and blame you every step of the way. It’s a huge difference in values, and when someone tells you who they are – be sure to listen.. I’m sorry.

paloaltonstuff −  “there’s a lot you’re lacking that I miss from the tons of people I’ve dated” is a totally fucked up thing to say by itself. To follow it up with “if they’re hot and I’m angry enough, yeah I could cheat on you” is beyond red flag. How can you keep trying to build a future with this person?

They’re literally telling you if you have a fight and they find someone hot enough, they’ll f**k them. WTF?

ExpressingThoughts −   She is devoid of empathy. How is this a difference in values? That’s not normal human behavior. Is she seeing a specialist for that?

Chronixx −  Dude break up with her now. You’re going to have fights, every couple does (it’s weird if a couple never fights), and sometimes they’re big ones that take some time to figure out. Adults who love each other will eventually open lines of communication and come to an understanding, however.

That’s growth for a relationship and you typically come out of that conflict stronger as a unit. She basically is telling you when one of these fights happen, to prepare for what’s coming. Do yourself a favour so you’re not walking on eggshells and spare yourself the eventual heartbreak.

What she said is not a normal way to process conflict with a significant other and it’s troubling that she was bold enough to voice it like it’s no big deal

snapthecreator −  Yeah she’s telling you what she plans on doing. Thats a black flag. And her believing in “logic over emotions” is just compartmentalizing. She needs help.

purpleroller −  Well if this is true OP, you need to leave her for telling you that you’re lacking in lots of ways. She sounds appalling. I wouldn’t choose this person to be a life partner.

Leave. Go out and have fun and in time you’ll meet someone who thinks you’re the one. And doesn’t find you ‘lacking’ in anything. Be kind to your future self. Get rid now

bvbystvcks −  Just read the title. D**p her now.