Wife Drunkenly Flirted With My Sister?

A Reddit user (34F) shared her devastation after discovering that her wife (28F) drunkenly sent flirtatious texts to her sister (41F) while they were spending time together for Thanksgiving. The user is struggling with grief after her mother’s passing and has been leaning on her wife for emotional support, but the situation took a painful turn when the wife’s behavior crossed boundaries.

Despite apologizing and expressing regret, the user is now questioning whether it’s possible to move past this betrayal, especially with the added sensitivity of her sister’s history with an ex-boyfriend. To read the full story and see how others are weighing in, check out the post below.

‘ Wife Drunkenly Flirted With My Sister?’

As the title says, my wife (28F) and sister (41F) were drunk last night and sent each other flirty texts. I (34F) am devastated and don’t know what to do. We have been married for just over a year, together for 4 years. For context, my wife and I are visiting my sister and family for Thanksgiving this year.

We live across the country, but it was very important for us to be together as a family because my mom unexpectedly died 6 weeks ago. My wife and sister are very similar and have been bonding a lot over crafts, coffee, etc.

They’ve been getting closer after my mom’s funeral as we all spent a lot of time together. I was really excited to see them be so close because my wife doesn’t have a great relationship with her family. Here’s where things get messy.

I’ve been really struggling with my mom’s d**th and I have been feeling very self conscious about how vulnerable I’ve been allowing myself to grieve openly in front of my wife. When I get stressed/upset, I lean into connecting with her as it balances me.

She, on the other hand, is more of an avoidant attachment style – so when she gets o**rwhelmed, she withdraws a bit. Yesterday we had a big discussion about how she’s not been showing up as much in this relationship. She was defensive at first, but later said how she completely understood and knew she needed to do better.

We were hanging out at my sister’s last night and the two of them went on a wine run. When they got back, we were all on the couch watching TV and I was laying down with my legs resting on my wife’s lap. She was sitting next to my sister texting a bit, but nothing too crazy.

Later, after she was the drunkest she’s ever been, I went to drive us back to the hotel. Before we left, she wanted to run to the bathroom and left her phone in the car. I picked it up to get the hotel’s address pulled up on the GPS and I see messages between her and my sister,

with my wife asking my sister “Are the small discreet touches okay?” My sister responded saying yes, absolutely, and my wife said she couldn’t help but to think of this song about kissing someone’s neck… At this point, my heart had sunk into my chest.

My sister had previously pushed boundaries with an ex-boyfriend of mine years ago, and my wife is very much aware that this is a sensitive topic for me. I consider this cheating, and also such a betrayal from the two of them during an already difficult time.

I know the alcohol didn’t help but I also know that this wouldn’t have just come out of nowhere half a bottle of wine in. My wife is a mess and spent all night apologizing, crying and saying she’ll do whatever it takes to re-earn my trust.

My question is – is it even possible to move past this? Any advice from others who have had a spouse flirt with someone, let alone their sibling, is appreciated.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Spite-ninja −  2 years ago something similar happened with my wife and boss. At thanksgiving. Then they had s**. Not over it, and i’m sorry for your loss

dumbcherub −  i doubt they are just ”flirty texts”, it seems to imply there might be growing feelings involved.

Absoma −  As many times as I’ve been drunk in the past, I never thought of cheating on my spouse. I’ve never considered flirting with anyone else drunk or sober. I’m sorry.

jazscam −  She went back in to “use the bathroom” for a good night kiss.

Choice-Intention-926 −  Something has already happened between the two of them. I would confront your sister and ask her why she keeps doing this to you? What have you ever done to deserve this? Is she really just this despicable?

I don’t think you should want to be with your wife any more she specifically knew about this happening with your sister before and she still engaged in whatever they did. Your wife is scum, because you gave her your heart and she deliberately stomped on it when you were at your lowest.

CruxCrush −  If she was that forward over text it sounds like something has already happened

CafeteriaMonitor −  Whether you can get over this or not is up to you, but IMO this is a huge betrayal, and the fact that this happened with an ex-bf before with your sister, and your wife knew that and still did it, shows a tremendous lack of care. Personally, I think this would be the end if I were in your shoes.

pacodefan −  Why would you want to move past it? And what do you think it tells your partner if you do?

Odd_Island_9284 −  Your sister sounds worse then your wife

TrespassersWill −  Asking consent for “discreet touches” feels a little beyond flirting. I know flirting can include playful touching or rough housing, but that exchange you highlighted seems pretty intimate. I think you are owed a bit more of an explanation before you begin to consider what you can forgive.

Is your sister straight? What’s her deal? I’m trying to think if there’s some other way to see this beyond the obvious. Like, does your wife have some social maladaption that causes her to show love s**ually when she only means to show it in a platonic way? Like is she lacking in emotional vocabulary?