How do I explain to my husband what an emotional affair is?

A Reddit user is seeking advice on how to explain the concept of emotional affairs to their husband, who believes such relationships aren’t harmful since they aren’t physical. Despite his actions of telling other women he’s single and forming connections, he dismisses the emotional impact on their marriage.

The user feels hurt and unheard, unsure of how to communicate the damage caused by his behavior. Read the full story below for a closer look at their struggle.

‘ How do I explain to my husband what an emotional affair is? ?’

My husband 52M and I45 F have been together for 5 years. We love each other have have dealt with a lot in the short amount of time. We are trying to be work on things. He has had many emotional/online affairs.

Very recently he told me that his friend wants to “challenge me for him” then for two days after that he would say I’m losing him to another woman. He tells women that he is single and he has a connection with him but he says emotional affairs aren’t real and they don’t cause problems because he’s in bed with me most nights.

I know if I did it it would cause problems. How can I make him understand his actions are wrong and hurtful to me? I feel because it’s me speaking he’s not listening and maybe I’m using the wrong words and not something in general. I just need help to make him understand.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

wemblewobble −  He doesn’t care. He’s not confused, he just doesn’t give a solitary f**k about how you feel. He likes cheating.  He won’t stop, no matter how many words you speak. This isn’t a miscommunication, he just doesn’t care he hurts you or genuinely enjoys it.

MuppetManiac −  He understand. He just doesn’t care.

phyxthia −  He says he’s single so why don’t you speed up the process and divorce him. Have some respect for yourself, do you really believe a 52 y.o man needs an explanation about what an emotional affair is?

Glittering-Lychee629 −  He understands. You don’t need to explain it again. He doesn’t care. It hurts you, and he knows, and he doesn’t care. Your feelings are not important to him. Doing the right thing is not important to him. Validation from lots of women is what he cares about most because it makes him feel good.

He pretends to be single! He lies specifically so he can get more attention from other women who are not his wife. Respectfully, you are in deep denial. You want to believe your husband is a really good guy who loves you.

You are clinging to the idea that he’s just not understanding, and that he needs it explained again, in a different way, so he’ll understand. You still think that if he knew how this tears you apart he would care and stop it! That’s a nice idea but it’s not reality. Men are smart.

They can fix things and learn things and go to jobs and get educations and so much more. He’s 52 years old. That’s over half a century old. He knows that being married and telling women you are single, and flirting with them, is wrong.

He knows it crushes a woman to watch her husband do that. He doesn’t care. He knows you will put up with it and he will continue to get all the benefits of a wife plus attention from other women. He will not stop.

ThatGirlWithTheWalk −  I just need help to make him understand. No you don’t. You need to have some self-respect.

Adventurous_Pea83 −  You make him understand by serving him divorce papers. He’s telling other women he’s single. If he wants to act single, he gets to be single. He’s never going to change. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life begging for his attention??. Know your self worth.

TacoStrong −  OP, you are too old to believe his BS. He’s 52! And he knows exactly what he is doing and knows what an emotional affair is. Do not continue to fall into his play dumb mental gymnastics. Wake up OP, you’re being played!

KittMatt −  He’s in bed with me most nights. …most?

K_Mishey −  He knows what he’s doing. He’s also trying to emotionally manipulate you into “fighting harder” to keep him by saying you’re “losing him to another woman”. Do yourself a favor and let that other woman win that dumpster prize.

distressedwillow −  Why by any means would you want to spend the mental energy and heartbreak trying to teach a 52 y/o man how to be a decent human being? He’s also not your project, he’s your partner. It’s not your job to teach him that. Couples therapy would be your best option if this is something you wanted to proceed with.

Do you think emotional affairs are as harmful as physical ones, or are they a lesser betrayal? How would you approach a partner who dismisses your feelings about emotional infidelity? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!