AITA for telling my friend she doesn’t need to be included in everything?

A Reddit user, who identifies as an introvert, shares their frustration with their extroverted friend who often talks over them and tends to exclude them from group activities. Recently, the user attended an event with mutual friends without their friend, who bailed on them, and later invited herself to join them for dinner. This made the user feel angry, especially since their friend had previously dismissed the event as “boring.”

The friend then expressed feeling excluded when the user was added to a group chat with people from the event. The user confronted their friend about feeling overshadowed and excluded, but now regrets speaking out. They’re unsure if they overreacted. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my friend she doesn’t need to be included in everything?’

This isn’t that big of an issue but lately it’s just been starting to get on my nerves. For some context I’m more of an introvert and my friend is quite an extrovert and sometimes in group settings she talks over me and almost ignores my presence when we’re around other friends.

Recently, I participated in something without her (after she bailed on me) along with some mutual friends and I also made new friends there as well. After the event we met up at a restaurant and for some reason she wanted to go too and invited herself. I would usually have no problem with this but considering she bailed on me because she thought the event would be “boring” and now wanted to join us to celebrate it really pissed me off.

Then the other day she found out I was in a group chat with the friends who I did the event with and she said “can you all make one with me I feel excluded.” Again, normally this wouldn’t bother me but she’s in so many group chats without me and I’ve never asked her to join them.

I ended up telling her how I feel and that it’s not fair she wants to be included in everything I do when she excludes me almost all the time. Now I kind of regret it but I just feel like she tries to overshadow me sometimes but I don’t know if I’m looking too deep into this.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

East_Parking8340 −  She has main character syndrome with an unhealthy dose of FOMO. You are allowed, even encouraged, to have a life and friends independent of her.. NTA.

TomDoniphona −  NTA. I am in the same predicament right now. All my friends are her friends but her friends are hers alone. She wants to be part of everything I do, but doesn’t involve me in everything she does. She just opened a chat group with us and 2 friends of mine that I happened to invite for drinks with her without even checking with me because, according to her, we are all a big family. I put my foot down this time. It is called being used.

Dismal-Wallaby-9694 −  NTA and honestly, I stay away from people who just invite themselves to things.

Eastern_Condition863 −  NTA. She has main character syndrome. I’d say, “I find it odd that you want to be in a group chat with MY friends.” This is the married couples “my money is my money but your money is also my money” argument. You are allowed to have friends away from her.

Ok_Purple766 −  I know a girl like that. She gets mad that some girls have a chat group without her (these girls live in the same building, so they have one for just ad hoc hangs, she lives an hour away). She gets mad when we have parties that don’t involve her (because well the host doesn’t know her but know her friends). There is no placating these people. They assume everybody must be talking about them all the time so they want to be as present as possible everywhere.

PenguinKilla3 −  NTA. If you feel disrespected by this person then take steps to get distance and make new friends. The only problem on your part could be alerting your friend on social media when you are at events with other people. Probably don’t let this person know where you are all the time.

A-R-U −  NTA. She can’t have it both ways. She reaps what she sows instead.

AutomaticArrival3970 −  NTA. You should be able to have your own friends without her getting involved especially if she does the same back to you.

The1Eileen −  Her: I feel left ouuuuut.. Yoiu: That is because you LEFT. Block this one and move on without her and then try to make friends with people you don’t feel like it’s your job to make them happy. She can make herself happy. That’s not your job.

the_power_of_a_prune −  NTA. Friendships can change and evolve as we go along in life, we might even out grow some of friends and that is very OK. Stick to what feels right for you. You are not responsible for how this friend acts.

Do you think the user’s feelings about their friend’s behavior were justified, or was their response too harsh considering the circumstances? How would you handle being in a similar situation with a friend who constantly overshadows you or excludes you? Share your thoughts below and let us know how you would approach the situation!