AITA for not getting my partner a Christmas present?

A Redditor, a stay-at-home mom, is feeling stressed and frustrated after her partner unexpectedly created a Christmas list and displayed it on the whiteboard, expecting a gift from her.

For over four years, she’s been managing their household and caring for their child without a personal income, and with Christmas approaching, she’s focused on gifts for their daughter, even dipping into her emergency savings.

Now seven months pregnant, she’s unsure how to fulfill her partner’s request without asking him for money. Read the full story below to see how this holiday dilemma unfolds.

‘ AITA for not getting my partner a Christmas present?’

A stay-at-home mom shared her frustration over a sudden and unexpected holiday dilemma with her partner. For over four years, she’s been managing their household and caring for their child, with no personal income of her own. With Christmas around the corner, she’s been focusing on gifts for their daughter and even spent her emergency savings on making the holidays special for her.

But now, her partner has written a Christmas list and prominently displayed it on their whiteboard, clearly expecting a gift from her. She’s confused and stressed about how she’s supposed to make that happen without asking him for money.

“He knows I don’t have a steady income, and I’m 7 months pregnant,” she explained. “We’ve always prioritized buying for our daughter during the holidays. I don’t understand why he’s asking for something now, especially when Christmas is next week.”

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Discount_Mithral −  NTA. He KNOWS you don’t have money, but is playing a power game to have something to hold against you. He is only just now, less than 10 days before Christmas, telling you he wants you to buy something with money he knows you don’t have. This is a massive red flag.

For your own sake, please find a way to build an income of your own. Do. Not. Rely. On. Someone. Else. To. Live. I work in family law and see it so often – the SAHM of 10+ years is getting divorced out of the toxic marriage she was trapped in because she had no way out financially.

She struggles to find a job because she hasn’t worked in a decade and the competition is tough. She has to start from square one as an adult. Please – put in a safety net for yourself. While it might not happen to you, are you willing to make that gamble it won’t?

missdeb99912 −  NTA. I hate to say this, but I think you’re a victim of financial abuse. You literally do not have access to any money, and you should. My guess is you don’t talk about money much with your husband and sort of are nervous to bring it up. I think you need to speak with a therapist.

In the meantime, “hey, honey! I saw the wishlist on the fridge. I’d love to get you something, but I’m in this situation where I don’t have access to any of our shared money as I’m a stay at home mom. What should I do if I want to buy you a gift?”. Something needs to change.

stephissilly −  Please put a bow on your kids head and your belly with a piece of paper “pushed your gifts out of my vagina x “

DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA −  NTA. How can you buy him a Chrismas gift with no income and he is aware of this fact? I feel like your partner wants a reason to be upset with you because how are you going to buy him a Christmas gift with no money?

NonaYerBiz −  NTA – Financial control is a step of controlling you. Does he keep you from visiting/talking to family & friends? Talk down or gaslight you? Those are all signs of abuse.

If you depend on him for finances, you should absolutely have access to a shared joint account. Who buys groceries and pays the bills? What happens if, God forbid, he is in an accident or has an emergency health concern and is unable to give you access to money? Do you have anyone else to rely on for food, etc. if this happens? Also, if you’re not marr

This is a red flag the size of a continent. Have a talk with him about setting up a joint account immediately. If he gives excuses or gaslights you, seriously consider finding somewhere else, even while pregnant. It will only get worse and harder to move when you have a baby.

Also, realize that if you’re not working, you aren’t making any money for social security, and if you’re not married you don’t have access to his SS in the future for yourself and child should something happen to him.. I hope it works out for you.

snarkness_monster −  Info: How did you handle holidays in previous years? Did he ask for presents? Tell him you went outside to pick dollars from the money tree, but it appeared to be fresh out. This means you’re unable to get him a present…sorr-eeee!

Relatable_Bear −  get him a christmas present – divorce papers

endor-pancakes −  “My gift to you is not being upset about your absurd request to buy me something without having any money.” NTA.

RammsteinFunstein −  NTA. Thats insane behavior from him. If he noted he’d love something for xmas like his favorite cookie or something you can make at home? Sure, that’d be one thing. But to post a list when he knows you dont have an income? Absurd.

Fit-Profession-1628 −  How come you don’t have access to money? That only means you’re his prisoner. If you’re a sahm then you need to either have joint accounts or part of his income must go into your account. You are working, you deserve to have money. This goes much deeper than the Christmas gift. You’re the victim of financial abuse.

Do you think the Redditor’s partner should have been more considerate of their financial situation, or was it reasonable for them to expect a gift? How would you handle a situation like this where financial stress is added to the holiday pressure?
Share your thoughts below!