AITAH for not asking my dad to walk me down the aisle?
A Redditor shared her decision to have her younger brother, rather than her father, walk her down the aisle at her wedding. After years of rocky relations with her dad following her parents’ divorce and a lack of consistent involvement in her life, she feels her brother has been the more supportive figure.
While she feels justified in her choice, she struggles with how to break the news without hurting her father’s feelings. Read the full story below and share your thoughts.
‘ AITAH for not asking my dad to walk me down the aisle?’
For context, my (29F) dad and mum divorced when I was 14, due to him cheating on my mum with multiple women – the last of which he’s now married to and has been for 10 years. We had a very rocky relationship for the first few years post my parents divorce, which improved when I worked with him between the ages of 19-25.
Since then, he has moved to the other side of the country (5-6hr drive) and we see each other once or twice a year when I make the effort to drive to him (and spend money to rent an Airbnb as he won’t allow me and my fiancé to bring our dog to stay at their house), never speak on the phone, I receive the classic “hi how’re you” text once every 3 weeks etc etc.
I’m getting married in 2025 and have decided that I would prefer my younger brother to walk me down the aisle for a number of reasons:
1. My brother and I are very close and he’s been far more consistent in my life than my dad
2. My dad hasn’t once asked me anything about my wedding, how the planning is going, do I need any help or advice or financial support
3. He is generally a very selfish person who doesn’t seem to consider his children in anything he does or says – I could list 101 examples of this but will spare you due to length of post!
I know I’m entitled to do what I would like on my wedding day, however there is still part of me that for some reason doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, as I’m his only daughter and I feel like I’d be taking his only opportunity to walk his daughter down the aisle away from him.
Firstly – AITAH for not giving him the opportunity?
Secondly – I haven’t yet told him that I would like my brother to walk me down the aisle instead of him, as I truly don’t know how to do this without hurting his feelings. Any tips or advice on how to break the news?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
tatersprout − Your wedding is none of his business. Why would you ask a person to participate in such an important event if they aren’t a part of your life and makes no effort to see you?
You don’t need to notify him or explain it to him. You don’t owe him anything. You dont even have to invite him. This is your wedding, and you can do it all your way.
One-Low1033 − NTA Your father was not afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings by cheating and marrying his AP. Why do you think his feelings need to be spared?
jennyfatbutt − NTA. It’s your wedding, not his opportunity to roleplay a great dad. I wouldn’t turn it into a big deal. Maybe send out a short list of who will be doing what to several people as an FYI. They’re going to find out anyway.
BGS2204 − Your wedding your choice. If dad says anything you can say well dad, since you haven’t inquired about my wedding, venue, dates, invite list etc I felt you really didn’t care so I chose someone who does. Again your wedding your choice and the guilt belongs to your dad.
Basilsainttsadface − NTA. As a dad myself it would break my heart to for my daughter to not want me to walk her down the aisle, but it’s obvious he hasn’t really tried to mend the break on the relationship.
It doesn’t matter how you tell him, there will be hurt feelings. There’s no getting around it. The best thing you can do is make it as quick as possible. Rip the bandaid off fast. I’d suggest having him meet you in a neutral location. Give him a very succinct explanation of your decision and then leave. No more than 5 minutes.
SoCal4Me − The father walking the daughter down the aisle is a long-held tradition symbolic of the parents “giving away their daughter”. It’s sweet if someone wants to do that, but let’s be real. At your age, no one is giving you away! Not even your brother. But if you want to honor your brother in that role, nothing wrong with it. Just say playfully to your dad, “You gave me away years ago when you left the family!”
East_Parking8340 − It’s absolutely your right to have someone who has consistently supported you walk you down the aisle. You should feel no guilt towards someone who so blatantly couldn’t give a damn about the impact of his own actions and decisions.
He will never change and I think you’re reaching the point where, for your own MH and general well being, you need to take a step back and focus on your life going forward. You should tell your father as soon as you can because there **will** be some fall out.
Don’t beat around the bush, it needs to come straight from the hip. It’s entirely feasible that he will give you an ultimatum of either he does the walk or he doesn’t go, period. You need to think on that one and know what your choice will be before you have the discussion so you are not left floundering.
And then you have the new wife – do you actually want her there, considering all that she represents? Congratulations, btw, and enjoy your day.. NTA
twelvedayslate − You’re NTA, but there’s no way to avoid hurt feelings. Best you can do is best honest.
ProfessionalEven296 − NTA. Your day, spend it with people who mean the most to you.
PomegranateOk6767 − You didn’t take that opportunity away from him. He lost it by making his own selfish choices. I hope you have a lovely wedding with the people you enjoy most. Best of luck to you. NTA.
Do you think the bride is justified in her decision to prioritize her brother, given her father’s history, or should she consider the sentimental value of the moment for her dad? How would you handle delivering difficult news like this? Share your advice and perspectives below!