AITA for taking offense to my spouse willing large portions of their assets to their siblings ?
A Redditor shared their frustration over their spouse’s decision to will 75% of their assets, including life insurance and investments, to siblings rather than their spouse, despite sharing significant financial burdens like a $1M mortgage. While the siblings don’t rely on financial support, this arrangement leaves the spouse feeling undervalued in the marriage. Is this a reasonable boundary, or is the spouse overreacting? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for taking offense to my spouse willing large portions of their assets to their siblings ?’
A concerned spouse shared their emotional struggle over a challenging financial and emotional disagreement with their partner. The couple lives in a high cost-of-living area and carries over $1 million in debt, primarily tied to a home they recently purchased.
While the spouse is the primary breadwinner, contributing roughly 65% of the household income, their partner also earns a significant income. Here’s the issue: despite being married and sharing financial burdens like a hefty mortgage,
the primary earner has decided to will 75% of their life insurance and investments to their siblings, who neither need financial help nor rely on their support. This decision has left the spouse feeling unsettled, particularly since their entire estate is willed to the breadwinner.
“I can’t seem to get through to him that this isn’t normal,” the spouse explains. They fear that, in the event of their partner’s untimely death, they would struggle to pay the mortgage, especially if the house value were to drop due to economic factors. Beyond the financial concern, they feel this arrangement undermines the sense of partnership and mutual support in their marriage.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
mangeyraccoon − NTA – that is super weird…have you asked him why he’s set his will up this way?
hokeypokey59 − Consult an attorney. The state you live in has laws and rules about marital assets and he may not have the right to supercede his spouse without your permission.
Cavolatan − Maybe you could play this out for him on paper and show him how you might wind up in trouble trying to manage that $1M debt while grieving? He might not be thinking through the situation in a super logical way, not everyone is able to think clearly about their own d**th. NTA
peggingpinhead − NTA. He is the primary bread winner. If he dies and leaves you with a house you can’t afford the mortgage or property taxes, then ur screwed.
CuteeHarper − NTA. so weird, tbh, i assume his siblings are adult now too, right? they have the ability to earn on their own, and like why even marry someone if they’re not treating you as their primary person? esp when y’all have shared debts, that’s so strange
Ok_Day_8559 − NTA. Get an insurance policy on your husband that would be enough to pay off the mortgage. Make sure he knows about it and he can help pay for it. He is not looking out for you at all. I would also rethink him as the beneficiary of your estate. He doesn’t need it and he doesn’t care about your feelings.
Unhappy-Prune-9914 − NTA – This is very concerning. If you can’t get through to him, talk to a financial planner about your options. Can you take out a life insurance policy on him?
Aggressive_Cattle320 − NTA I have never, in my life, heard of a person not intending to pass everything on their their partner should they pass away! Your husband’s first priority is to his wife and his family. His life insurance money is for you to be able to pay down any debts you may accumulate throughout life.
Tell him that you are extremely uncomfortable and feel anxious over what will happen should he pass before you. His siblings can take care of themselves. Life insurance is for the marital partner and assets.
You are right to be concerned over this. I would want him to change it so that you are his sole beneficiary, as he is yours. His naming his siblings is downright weird.
plantprinses − 75% towards his siblings? That’s, honestly, crazy. The bare minimum he could do for you is to make sure the house is paid off, so that you will always have somewhere to live. You make good money now, but it’s not unthinkable that you might not be able to do that anymore, due to disease, injury or otherwise.
My husband had a good job until someone rear-ended him: he became permanently disabled. I get it that your husband would like to leave his siblings something, especially since you don’t seem to have kids, but 75% is ludicrously high.
What a will is for is to make sure your partner is provided for and his will doesn’t quite do that: it is bases on a best-case scenario and not a worst-case scenario for you, while the last should be the basis. They are his assets, I get that.
That makes me wonder why he leaves you not very well provided for and, apparently, unwilling to engage with you about this. You need to protect yourself financially, because he is unwilling to do so. I’ts not about needing the money: it’s about taking care of each other and he doesn’t do that.
Adjust your will: maybe put in some charities. If he feels that you earn enough not to need ‘his’ money, the same applies to him, so give it all away. Get your affairs in order to make sure you will be able to live where you live now and with a decent standard of living. Apparently you are less to him than his siblings.
bluepvtstorm − NTA and your spouse hates you. Think of it this way. Your spouse wants you to have nothing if he dies. He wants you to only have the trappings of a good life if he ha alive. He wants you to be worse off when he is dead.
He wants his siblings to have a better than life you after he dies. He wants you to be impoverished by his d**th. He is doing nothing to protect his spouse and doesn’t want you to have a windfall if he dies. Just out here with your hat in your hand or selling everything so you can live. Your spouse doesn’t care for you as much as you think he does. Hes not a good person.
Do you think the spouse’s concern about the will undermines their partnership, or is the primary earner justified in wanting to support their siblings? How would you balance financial obligations and familial loyalty in a marriage? Share your thoughts below!