AITA for telling my friend that I’m not her therapist?

A 29-year-old woman shared her experience with her close friend Sarah, who has been going through difficult personal issues. While the woman has been a supportive friend, always listening and offering advice, she started feeling drained as every conversation revolved around Sarah’s problems.

After trying to steer conversations to other topics without success, she finally told Sarah, “I’m not your therapist, I’m your friend,” and set a boundary. Sarah reacted by calling her selfish, and now the friendship feels strained. Was it wrong for her to set this boundary? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my friend that I’m not her therapist?’

I (29F) have a close friend, Sarah (30F), who has been going through a tough time recently. She’s been dealing with a lot of personal struggles—family issues, work stress, relationship problems—and I’ve been there for her every step of the way. I’ve listened to her vent, offered advice when I could, and just tried to be a supportive friend.

However, lately, it feels like all she ever talks about is her problems. Every conversation, every text, it’s all about how bad things are for her. I’ve tried to suggest other topics, but it always comes back to her struggles. I’ve always been a good listener, but it’s starting to feel like I’m constantly giving emotional energy without any reciprocation.

I’ve got my own life and challenges to deal with, and while I want to be there for her, I feel drained. I also feel like I’m expected to act as her therapist—constantly solving her problems and offering advice. I finally snapped and told her, “I’m not your therapist, I’m your friend. I can’t keep being the person you unload on all the time without it affecting me too.”

She was upset and said I was being selfish, that she thought I was always there for her. Now, our friendship feels strained. I feel guilty for saying something, but at the same time, I feel like I needed to set a boundary. AITA for telling my friend that I’m not her therapist?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Particular-Town2229 −  Not at all! NTA. You are absolutely right for setting a boundary. It’s important to be there for our friends, but you’re not a therapist. Constantly being the emotional d**p for someone without it ever being reciprocated is draining, and it can start to affect your mental health. It’s fair to expect some balance in a friendship.

She might be upset now, but hopefully, in time, she’ll realize that true friends support each other in healthy ways, not by constantly leaning on one person for emotional support. You can still be there for her, but you also need to take care of yourself.

alexromo −  Even a therapist will schedule for one hour per week.  Maybe two tops, and they will charge you for it…

shammy_dammy −  NTA. She needs to stop it.

Unable_Maintenance73 −  NTA. She is not your friend. She is an emotional, energy & mental vampire. She’ll s**k the life out of you if you continue participating in her ritual. She considers you her life force. Be selfish, PROTECT YOURSELF. You are not required to allow her to use you, that is selfish & entitled on her part. Walk away, it is not a friendship.

joe-lefty500 −  Friendship is a two way street.

stevelover −  I had a friend like that too, we haven’t spoken in more than a decade. Can’t really say I miss him.

Clarity4me −  She is only calling you selfish because she uses you and you don’t want her to use you anymore. If this was any kind of relationship, she would be concerned about YOU.

FairyFartDaydreams −  NTA she has used up all your emotional support spoons you have no more.

BabieLoda −  Absolutely not. Being on the receiving end of someone venting can feel very heavy and draining especially when they don’t set boundaries for themselves. NTA.

Agile_Possession8178 −  NTA. Tell her you are a friend and will do the best you can, but she should seek help of a professional. Therapy is very convenient nowadays. Lots of digital appointments and you can talk to therapist on phone and video calls.