AITA for not wanting my step son to game in the living room?
A 38-year-old stepmom shared a dilemma about her 9-year-old stepson’s gaming habits. While she has no issue with his passion for games and even supports it, she dislikes him playing in the living room. He has a spacious room with a large TV, but he prefers to game in the living room, where the noise and long hours of play disrupt the household, especially with a young baby around.
Her partner disagrees, feeling that excluding him from the common area would make him feel isolated. The stepmom feels like she’s being unfairly judged for setting boundaries, even though she doesn’t mind other activities. Is she wrong for wanting some limits on gaming in the living room? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for not wanting my step son to game in the living room?’
My (38f) step son (9m) is with us 2x a week and has a passion for gaming. I have no problem with this at all, and engage with him about games and occasionally play with him. Got him everything Minecraft for Christmas. But, I hate having it on in the living room. He has the biggest room in the house with a 32” TV I gave him.
My partner has a problem with this because he doesn’t want his son to feel like he’s “exiled” or “excluded” by being in his room all the time. I don’t mind if he wants to read, craft, watch a movie, or anything else. Maybe something worth mentioning is that he doesn’t just sit there and play quietly. He wants you to watch him like he’s a YouTuber and keeps the volume up high.
One of the main reasons I don’t like it is because we have an 11 month old daughter. I don’t want her eyes glued to the screen when he’s playing. And this goes on for hours on end. I feel like because I’m the step-mom, it’s perceived that I’m not supporting him or engaging with him enough.
But any other biological mom is allowed to set boundaries, I.e. “you can play video games in your room until dinner” etc. I get that Reddit is going to be a tough demographic on this topic, but not everyone likes video games. Give it to me straight – AITA?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
TheEvilSatanist − NTA but as others have suggested, maybe there is room for compromise. “Okay, you can game in the living room from 4-6 pm, please use some headphones. Then it’s time for dinner, and if you want to game after that, please take it to your room.”
Turbulent_Ebb5669 − I have a problem with a 9 year olds playing online games alone in a separate room. Better it’s out in the open where the adults can see.
Prestigious_Ear_7374 − You aleeady gave him a good tv for him. So, one thing that could be interesting for the dad is doing a voice chat like his son is streaming from the bedroom. Some platforms let you screenshare on the chat , zoom, teams or, if supervised, discord all do this 🙂 it would be a win for both sides. The dad can watch him, he can be a “streamer” you and the baby can have peace.
unimpressed-one − He’s 9, he shouldn’t be playing games for hours anyway. I’d give him an hour in the living room everyday and that’s it. No more games after an hour.
tapdeezy − Definitely NTA. He can either put on headphones while playing or play for limited periods of time in his room. Playing video games in the living room does not mean he is engaging in quality family time. There is definitely a balance to be found here, but regardless, NTA.
Purple-Yesterday2061 − Why is a 9 year old allowed to game for hours on end in the first place, whether in his room or not?
I_wanna_be_anemone − ESH Why not compromise? If he’s playing in the living room, he needs to use inside voices and have the game set to an appropriate level, or have sound through his headphones. Because you have a baby, you can state that you’re not going to be paying 100% attention to 9YO gaming as baby needs attention too.
Getting children used to parallel play, being in the same room as others while doing their own independent thing, is very important for developing kids. It reinforces family bonding while promoting the child keeping themselves occupied. Not having attention on them 100% of the time while in a room with people is a very important skill to learn, both as self regulation but also for self confidence. Kids don’t need to perform in order for adults to enjoy spending time with them.
It’s also not unreasonable to set time limits. He could game for 2 hours, then it’s time for a movie to be on (he can do other activities while the movies on as long as it’s respectful to others watching the movie), then maybe another activity, then possibly more gaming before he has to stop for lunch/dinner.
I’d suggest looking into family therapy as a way of learning ways to communicate with each other. You’re worried about your status as stepmother, husband is worried about son feeling pushed away, bring them all into the conversation with a professional to mediate.
-FiveAclock- − If your husband doesn’t want him secluded in his room set his/a tv and game up in the dining room, or in another room that’s not his bedroom or family room, Or sit down with your husband and create a strict schedule for him playing with enforced consequences, that both you and your husband agree to.
alcoyot − I’m on your side. But the problem is you’re the step mom. You have to really get on the same page with the father. That’s the key. You need to have a serious talk with him and make him understand about each of these issues and how you feel. If he is a reasonable guy whatsoever he will understand.
Robica1123 − NTA. Parenting is all about setting boundaries and it’s important for your step son to understand that he can’t have the living room as his personal gaming den. Plus, if your partner is worried about his son feeling excluded, maybe he can spend quality time with him in his room while he games. Win-win for everyone!