AITA for refusing to eat my mother-in-law’s food?

A Reddit user (33M) is in a tough spot after marrying their husband (26M), who is from another country. Since the wedding, the husband’s mother, niece, and sister have been staying with them for an extended period. While the user appreciates the gesture, they absolutely dislike their mother-in-law’s cooking, which is consistently salty and repetitive.

Despite trying to gently avoid the meals, the user is stuck between not wanting to hurt their mother-in-law’s feelings and facing the rising cost of eating out. They’ve discussed the issue with their husband, but he doesn’t see it as a problem. Now, they are reaching out for advice on what to do.

‘ AITA for refusing to eat my mother-in-law’s food?’

A month ago, I (33M) married my husband (26M). He’s from another country, and when we got married, his mom, niece, and sister came to stay with us. His sister stayed for a week, but his mom and niece will be here for about 10 weeks total.

Since his mom is staying with us, we’re covering all of her expenses (including international flights). To show her gratitude, she cooks for us every day. The problem is… I really, really don’t like her cooking.

It’s not just that she uses an insane amount of salt (I don’t cook with salt at all); it’s also that she always makes the same few dishes with minor variations. And to be blunt, I just don’t enjoy her food. I’ve tried to hint at it gently. Once, I said, “I think I’ll skip the rice today—it’s a bit salty for me.”

She got so upset that she locked herself in her room and stayed there the entire day because she was sad I didn’t like her cooking. She’s very sensitive and takes any feedback as a personal insult.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ll grab a quick bite before coming home and pretend I’m not hungry, or make excuses to go out or order takeout just to avoid her food. But that’s not sustainable—we’re still paying off the wedding, and feeding four people (my husband, his mom, niece, and me) at restaurants or with takeout every day is way out of our budget.

I’ve also tried cooking myself, but that didn’t go well either. She took it as an insult to her because, apparently, she’s “in charge of the kitchen.” We still have six weeks to go, and I honestly don’t think I can handle eating her food any longer.

I’ve talked to my husband, but he loves her cooking, so he doesn’t really see the problem. I also don’t have the heart to tell him I despise it (haha). What can I do? Please send help (and nuggets).

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

CatJarmansPants −  Ten weeks?????!!!!!!. The f**k? A very good rule is that dealing with his family is his problem, dealing with yours is yours. It’s his mother, he needs to deal with her – you need to make clear that you refuse to eat whatever the f**k she’s serving up,

and you refuse to be banned from your own kitchen. If his mother would prefer to leave than to watch you cook, then your home has a door. How he chooses to solve this problem is up to him – but it is up to him.

The soft YTA is that if you’ve not communicated to him quite how unhappy you are – and you said yourself that you’ve avoided being blunt about it – he can’t really be expected to know how unhappy you are.

marmalademcgee −  NTA. I think some boundaries need to be set ASAP. She’s not in charge of your kitchen. Tell her you’d prefer to cook for yourself. That’s not unreasonable at all.

PunIntended1234 −  LMAO! I must be in an alternate universe because I would NEVER let someone take over cooking for me if their food was “bad”, in my opinion, or not tasty to me! I’m very serious about my food. I would just say “No & thank you”, kindly and politely, and make something else.

I wouldn’t care about hurt feelings either. If she wants to cry and go lock herself up in the room…OK! I would tell her I love her and I’m happy she is here, but I want to cook for myself. It’s that simple. OP, NTA, but grow a spine!

Speak up for yourself! Tell her THE TRUTH! The TRUTH shall set you free, unless you never say it! Don’t be scared! If your husband likes her food, good. Tell him that you don’t and you just want to cook for yourself. Be honest!

G-I-T-M-E −  You lost me at „I don’t cook with salt at all“ Sounds like both you and MIL don’t belong in a kitchen.

TarzanKitty −  NTA It is your home and your kitchen. The only place MIL is “in charge” is in her own home.

kymrIII −  Tell her you have a heart problem and can’t eat salt. You didn’t say anything before because you didn’t want to worry her. /s?

Efficient_Let686 −  Honestly in my opinion this is more of a husband issue than an issue with his mother. I don’t think it’s a good idea to directly address this issue with her, you and your husband need to come to an understanding about this.

He might be enjoying some of the foods his mother is making because that is what he grew up with. A prime example is my son-in-law his late father was a franchisee of several locations of a buffet restaurant.

For him that food is comfort and it took him a while to understand that my daughter comes from a family where everyone even extended family members all cook and have their specialties. They were married several years before he came to appreciate the different foods.

You will have to approach gently and with the consideration that the cook in question is his mother and that he loves both of you. He probably doesn’t want to be caught in the middle of a disagreement between people he loves. It’s important that you keep frustration and judgment out of the conversation.

Highlight your appreciation of your mother-in-law beyond the food while being very clear about your dietary needs. I for one would begin to feel unwell eating overly salty foods on a daily basis.

A good compromise would be for him to have her cook a dish that he especially likes while you and he make the rest of the meal. Good luck, in law issues can be tough.

YakElectronic6713 −  You NEVER cook with salt??? Do you use any spices or condiments at all????????

kimmycorn1969 −  You need to state some boundaries with her regardless of her temper tantrums! Also you need to use salt in your cooking or your food will have no flavor just use it in moderation

Subject-Cash-82 −  6 weeks to go I know you’re probably already burnt out. I would just cook what I want and call it a day. Your husband needs to back you up

How would you handle this delicate situation? Is it wrong for the user to refuse their mother-in-law’s food, or is there a better way to approach this without causing hurt feelings? Share your thoughts and advice below!