AITA for refusing to have guests during my time off work after New Year’s Day?

A Reddit user shared a disagreement with their girlfriend over having guests after a busy holiday season. Despite planning to use the days following New Year’s Day to relax, the girlfriend invited her out-of-town friend and the friend’s boyfriend for a games night and overnight stay without prior discussion. The user refused, wanting a quiet break instead. Read the full story below to decide if their stance was reasonable.

‘ AITA for refusing to have guests during my time off work after New Year’s Day?’

Over Christmas both my girlfriend and I are off work from 24th December-6th January. Pretty much every day between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day we have plans. We’re seeing family separately on Christmas Day and Boxing Day then going away for two nights together then seeing my girlfriends family on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. This means I’m only able to relax between 2nd-6th.

I mentioned it my gf that since were so busy all week, I’ll need the last 3-4 days to just relax and stay home. I said I’d probably spend it playing video games, reading and watching tv. I mentioned that I’d be fine going out for a meal on the evening on one of the nights but I don’t want to do much else.

She said she understood then a couple of days ago she mentioned her friend who lives out of town is coming to town to see family over Christmas and new year. She said she’s invited her friends and her friends boyfriend over for food, drinks and a games night on the 2nd and said they’re fine staying on the sofas.

I asked my gf why she hadn’t bothered asking me if I was okay with it first since it’s not fair to invite guests over without both of us agreeing. She said she doesn’t see the big deal and hasn’t seen her friend in a while.

I pointed out her friend doesn’t need to stay since she’s already staying with family. I said I’ll be up for going for a quick drink with them but that’s it. I said I don’t want a games night and don’t really want guests when I’m going to be drained and wanting to relax.

She said I was being unreasonable and said I should be fine with it since it’s just one night but I just said no and said again tbat she should have discussed it with me before inviting them.

She said she doesn’t want to cancel but I said she’ll just have to say that plans have changed and they can’t stay over but we’ll still get a drink with them. My gf just said again I was being unfair and should be fine with them staying. AITA for refusing to have guests when I planned to relax?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

MedicinalWalnuts −  NTA. If you live together, you need to agree about who stays in your home overnight. She was wrong to issue the invitation to them without discussing it with you, particularly since you had already expressed your desire for quiet days from Jan 2 -6.

–slurpy– −  NTA Sounds like what you want & desperately need is a good Cheese Week. Normally for me Cheese Week is that week between Christmas & New Year. I don’t make plans that week because all I’m capable of is eating cheese in my pjs & watching Netflix with my dogs. It’s a mental reset. It’s vital for the continuation of the species. People who don’t get a good Cheese Week end up being serial killers or some shite.

WhereWeretheAdults −  NTA. GF is minimizing your wants to get her way. GF overstepped here by inviting her friends into your shared space without consulting you. Now the easiest thing for her to do is pressure you into accepting her decision. She is actively making a *her* problem into a *you* problem.

Look at the language “…you should be fine,” Now think about that statement. Why? Who says? Look at the others “…she doesn’t see the big deal” and “not fair.” Your feelings are valid are she does not get to negate them with such ambiguous, m**ipulative statements. What is not “fair” is girlfriend unilaterally deciding to invite people over for an overnight after you made your wishes known. Then expecting you to just accept her decision.

Useful_Context_2602 −  NTA. If I was you I’d book into a hotel for the night and get to chill properly

paul_rudds_drag_race −  NTA if it’s “just one night” then she, the friends, and the boyfriend can pitch in and get a hotel or something if there’s availability.

Eastern_Condition863 −  NTA. Even if you don’t join in for the games part, you would still be hosting guests and you would still be expected to be “on”. If you went into the room and played video games while they were there and left the hosting to your GF, she most certainly would call you rude and a bad host. Just nope to all of it. Having guests is not relaxing.

I understand you needing to do your own thing when you’ve been to all the holiday social gatherings for days. Tell GF she can have games night at the friend’s families house. I’d be pissed too.

thechipperhalf −  Nta she knew she was crossing your boundary she just hoped she’d deal with it

nyanyau_97 −  My family kinda did that. And since they didn’t listen, I tend to just book a hotel.

SeamusMcKraaken −  She can have a game night out at a pub somewhere. They come in boxes that can be carried, after all. Where I live there are several pubs that are set up for exactly this, with a library of games to choose from. Boyfriend could join for a quick drink or two and duck out again, leaving her to enjoy the evening with her friends. Nobody sleeps over. Nobody even has to stop by. Everyone can be happy.

TheEvilSatanist −  I totally get this. I am likewise taking two weeks vacation, mine started today and I’m going back January 5 (yes I work on Sundays.) I can handle some peopling, but especially during the holidays I need considerable downtime in between.

For every day that I am peopling, I allow myself a day to veg. You are being very generous for only asking for 4 days, I’d be pulling my hair out after day 2-3. Also, she should not have people over without your consent, just like you should also clear it with her before having people over. Yes the place is both yours and hers, so both people need to agree on who comes and goes. If you both don’t agree, then the answer is no, simple.. Obviously, NTA

Do you think the user’s desire for downtime after the holidays was reasonable, or should they have compromised for their girlfriend’s plans? How do you balance relaxation and social obligations in a shared home? Share your thoughts in the comments below!