AITAH for spending holiday dinners with my in-laws even though my husband doesn’t go?

A woman (early 30s) navigates a tricky family dynamic during the holidays. Despite her husband’s refusal to attend holiday gatherings with his family, she continues to join them, finding comfort and connection in their company. With her husband struggling with unresolved issues, she’s torn between being supportive and prioritizing her own happiness. Is she wrong for attending these events solo?

‘ AITAH for spending holiday dinners with my in-laws even though my husband doesn’t go?’

Even though both my family & my husband’s family all grew up in this area. My family all moved far away. I’m the only one left in the area. I don’t always get to visit them over the holidays, which can be a little lonely.

My husband’s family is fantastic! I’ve been friends with his sisters since we were teens. One of them even set us up on our 1st date. For the holidays when we’re in town, we are always invited to dinner & family time. We accepted their invitations for years. Then things slowly changed.

It started with just wanting to stay home as the two of us one Thanksgiving, which I happily did. Over time it slowly became a “No” to every invitation from niece/nephew’s birthdays, family reunions, to any holiday gathering. He also stopped going with me to see my family.

He’s clearly got some depression & family baggage going on. But he refuse to talk to me about it or them or a therapist. I don’t want to be unsupportive, but I also hate the loneliness at the holidays. It’s to the point where my SILs will specifically say that I’m welcome, even if he doesn’t come with me. AITAH for going to his family’s holidays without him?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA. These aren’t just in-laws to you, these are friends of yours that pre-date your marriage, and through marriage, they became family. He has every right to turn down their invitations, just like you have every right to accept. It’s too bad he’s not willing to get professional help for his depression, but that doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself to join him in his wallowing.

Available-Fail-8090 −  NTA. If your husband won’t say why he doesn’t want to be around them, then you’re not betraying him by going since they’re your family too.

FortuneTwirl −  Yikes, tough one here, NTA. Honestly, it sounds like his family really values you and enjoys having you around, and you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to be with people who make the holidays feel less lonely. It’s not like you’re ditching your husband you’ve tried to include him, but he’s chosen not to participate. It’s sad he’s dealing with his own stuff, but that doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself too. You’re allowed to enjoy the holidays, even if he doesn’t want to join.

81optimus −  Nta. Sounds like he needs help though.

Sparklingwine23 −  NTA, I hope you go and have a grand time. I also hope your husband gets some help to deal with his issues, would be go if you went with him?

Ancient-Actuator7443 −  NTA. He needs to address his issues and you should not be required to skip holiday gatherings because he wants to.

Jessic14444 −  NTA, your family now and it seems like even back then you were considered part of the pack. You should have fun and enjoy your other family. As for your husband, just make sure you always ask him if he wants to come. Not a forced demand but always Lee that hand out for him to come along.

How long has he seemed to depressed? Does his family have any idea? Or maybe close friends? He should seem a therapist but he will decided that when he’s ready. Just make sure you also do things with him to…make some new traditions that makes him feel confident and in control. He might gain some new inspiration or heart to want to come out again.

LibraryMouse4321 −  Just tell him you are going every time you guys are invited to something. Tell him he can go with you or stay home alone. Every time.

Ginger630 −  NTA! If he refuses to talk to you or a therapist, that’s on him. Tell him you’re there for him whenever he does want to talk to you, but you won’t spend the holidays alone.

Numerous_Reality5205 −  NTA. You can’t allow yourself to be dragged into his depression or whatever it is that is causing him to break away from family ties. Just be yourself.