Aita for ignoring my family and my wife’s family after they cut us off completely and abandoned us both?

Imagine falling in love with your childhood best friend, only to have your families shun and abandon you for pursuing a relationship. That’s the heartbreaking experience shared by OP, who is now facing a dilemma as his estranged parents and in-laws seek reconciliation after learning about his wife’s pregnancy.

While OP’s wife is open to forgiving and reconnecting with their families, OP remains deeply hurt and resentful of their past actions. His decision to continue ignoring them has sparked a debate about forgiveness, family ties, and the role of grandparents in a child’s life. Join us as we unpack this story of love, betrayal, and the complexities of navigating family relationships when personal choices challenge traditional expectations.

‘ Aita for ignoring my family and my wife’s family after they cut us off completely and abandoned us both?’

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Family estrangement and the decision to maintain boundaries with those who have hurt you are topics that many mental health professionals have explored. Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and resilience, has said,

“Setting boundaries is not about shutting people out; it’s about honoring your feelings and protecting your well‑being so you can create space for healthy, authentic relationships.” cite Brown2021

For individuals who have experienced deep betrayal, choosing to ignore toxic family members is a valid form of self‑care. Dr. Brown’s insight reminds us that while forgiveness can be healing, it is not obligatory when the cost to your emotional health is too high. In cases like these, the decision to cut off those who have caused profound pain is not about holding onto anger—it’s about reclaiming control over one’s life and creating an environment where future generations can thrive without the burden of unresolved hurt.

Family therapist Dr. Sue Johnson also emphasizes that reconciliation must come from genuine remorse and mutual effort. Without sincere apologies and meaningful change, reopening old wounds can be more damaging than beneficial. Thus, while the wife’s desire for familial connection is understandable, the husband’s choice to maintain distance reflects a protective stance against repeating a cycle of abuse.

The Reddit community has weighed in passionately on this story. Many commenters agree with the husband’s decision, arguing that if families have abandoned you during your darkest moments, their sudden interest only when a grandchild is on the way is hard to forgive. One user noted, “They cut you off when you needed them most—why should you suddenly open your heart to them now?”

Others, however, believe that reconciliation might offer healing for the entire family, emphasizing that grandparents can play a vital role in a child’s life if they show genuine remorse and commitment to change. A few even raised eyebrows over the story’s backstory, with sarcastic comments hinting at hidden family secrets that might explain the explosive reactions. Overall, the responses reflect a mix of support for setting healthy boundaries and sympathy for the pain of lost familial connection.

In the end, this emotionally charged episode underscores the difficult choices we sometimes must make when those closest to us cause deep hurt. The husband’s decision to ignore both sides of the family is a powerful act of self‑preservation, while the wife’s longing for familial connection speaks to the enduring hope for healing.

With a new baby on the horizon, the question remains: Can past wounds ever truly heal, or is it sometimes necessary to maintain firm boundaries for the sake of your own well‑being? What would you do if faced with the challenge of reconciling with family members who have repeatedly hurt you? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—let’s start a conversation about forgiveness, boundaries, and the true meaning of family.