Aita for ignoring my family and my wife’s family after they cut us off completely and abandoned us both.

One Reddit user (23M) shares a painful story about the fallout with both his and his wife’s families after they were disapproved of for dating and eventually eloping. Despite being cut off and abandoned by their families, the couple built a life together, and now, with a child on the way, the families want to reconcile.

While his wife is open to rebuilding ties, the user remains resentful and refuses to forgive. Read more about the dilemma and their differing perspectives in the story below.

‘ Aita for ignoring my family and my wife’s family after they cut us off completely and abandoned us both.’

I am 23 and my wife is 21, me and my wife has been dating and in love since we were teens, we kept our relationship hidden from rest of our family because my wife thought our family wouldn’t approve our relationship, which was true.

My wife is my father’s best friend’s daughter, I have known her for my whole life , i played with her, went to school with her, she was my best friend and we fell in love. Last year when we told our families my parents and hers were shocked and screamed at us,

both of our parents said that we shouldn’t get married and we are in the wrong for dating and they thought we had a brother sister bond and they wouldnt approve of this marriage. I tried to convince them all,

I told them how much I love her and she’s the most important to me, why would it be a problem for us to get married it’s not like we are blood related, it’s actually good for bestfriends who have been together their whole lives get married.

They said we don’t share blood but we shouldn’t get married, there was alot of fighting and they even harassed my wife to convince her to not get married to me. We had enough of their anger and we eloped, after our parents found out they were angry and cut us off, they kicked us out, humilated us and said they don’t want anything to do with us.

Our families abandoned us, we were all alone, nobody to support us, only a few cousins from our side were in contact with us, we eventually got financially better and got over it all, we both started living our own lives and are happy. My wife is pregnant and somehow our parents got the news, it’s probably one of our cousins,

don’t know which, they want to reconcile with us and suddenly want to be in our lives, we get so many texts, calls and asking us that they want to be in their grandchild’s life and ensure a better future and health. I ignore them all but my wife wants to do what’s right, she visits my parents and hers,

I told her that she’s free to do what she wants but I will continue to ignore them, my wife tells me that I should try to be a bigger person and after all they are our parents and our child should have grandparents

So aita for ignoring our families after they hurt us so much? My wife is soft but I am not I am resentful and I am still angry at them for abandoning us when we, as their children, needed their help the most

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Old_Cheek1076 −  Your wife is bringing angry bullies into your child’s life. NTA

winterworld561 −  From their freaked out reaction it sounds like maybe you are your wife ARE blood related. Their reaction was really odd. Regardless, your wife needs to remember what they all did to you both and realise that neither of you need them in your life.

Astyryx −  I’ve probably been on this app too long, but my first thought was that the parents are swingers, and they’re panicked that OP and his wife might actually _be_ brother and sister.

dissolvedgirl000 −  I’ll speak on my experience as the grandchild of parents that kept a**sive parents in our lives. I understand why my parents had to do so – but even when they tried to hide the past, as a child I already sensed the abuse and disrespect my grandparents had towards my parents.

The consistent abuse towards my parents eventually led my mother to attempt suicide and my father passed away 5 years after my birth from stress induced cancer. I learned more about how my grandparents treated my parents as I grew older,

and no matter how kind and generous my grandparents treated me I always felt conflicted and harbored a sort of resentment I couldn’t express because of the past. I loved my parents so I couldn’t separate those feelings even if my grandparents did nothing to hurt me personally and went above and beyond.

If I could make a decision I wish my parents cut them off, because they wouldn’t have suffered so much and I also wouldn’t have to experience these convoluted feelings to almost no end. I know it’s hard to say no when your wife is asking you to try. My mom felt the same way for my dad so she stayed.

Of course I’m not saying your experience would be the same as mine, but maybe this can provide some insight as I’m speaking from the child’s point of view. I really would rather not have grandparents than everything that came after.

Turbulent_Yoghurt397 −  Nope NTA. They’ll do it again over some other stupid thing. They had no business doing what they did. If it were me, I’d have nothing to do with them forever. Kids grow up fine without gp.

Agoraphobe961 −  NTA so odd question: have you and your wife done DNA testing on each other? Your parent’s comments about sibling bond, massive reaction (especially since families are usually psyched when the kids get together)

and them asking to be in the baby’s life specifically regarding future/health is kinda giving me a funny feeling like one of your parents couldn’t have kids so their best friends “helped” and they didn’t want anyone to know.

enchantedforestglow −  Are your parents actually apologizing, or are they just trying to swoop in because of the baby? If they’re not acknowledging the hurt they caused, then you’re definitely in the right to keep ignoring them.

But if they’ve shown genuine remorse and are making an effort to change, maybe consider if this is something you’d regret holding onto later in life. It’s a tough call, but you’re the only one who can decide what’s best for your family.

FAYGOTSINC21 −  NTA but your wife is a pathetic doormat. Tell her to stop being an i**ot who’s easily manipulated.

Chance_Culture_441 −  Do they have any explanation as to why they shunned you both for getting married but now that there will be a child, you getting married is suddenly ok?! That is ridiculous!

You need to have a serious conversation with your wife because her forcing you to forgive people who hurt you to your core could cause trouble for your marriage down the line. Is it more important for her to have a healthy marriage with you, or forgive evil people who hurt you both? NTA and Updateme!

Hungry_Goose492 −  Your resentment is certainly valid and I wouldn’t say you’re TA, but at this point it seems like your anger is mostly hurting you.

Do you think the user’s decision to ignore his family is justified given the emotional pain they’ve caused, or is the willingness to forgive necessary for the sake of his child’s future? How would you handle reconciling with estranged family members under similar circumstances? Share your thoughts below!