AITAH for telling my father that I only interact with him for the sake of my half-brother?

A Reddit user shared a story about a strained relationship with their father, who had been an absentee parent and a struggling alcoholic during their childhood. Despite maintaining limited contact for years, they re-engaged with him after the birth of their younger half-brother to ensure his well-being.

When their father asked why they were more involved, they bluntly revealed that their focus was on protecting their half-brother rather than reconciling. Read the full story below for the details.

‘ AITAH for telling my father that I only interact with him for the sake of my half-brother?’

I (23F) have been LC with my father (54M) since I was 15. He was a raging a**oholic and absentee father for my entire childhood, which I admittedly do not remember much of due to a dissociative disorder. The majority of what I remember of him during my childhood is his constant anger and lack of care for me.

The rest of what I know comes from journals throughout childhood and what I’ve been told by the rest of my family. When I was 12, I reported that he would drive drunk with my and my full-blooded brother (who is two years younger than me) to CPS.

This started a messy breakdown of my family which eventually ended with my parents getting divorced and my mother getting sole custody of me and my brother. Five years ago, my father met his current girlfriend who I will call Anna for this post.

If my mother did not insist my father invited me to his birthday party four years ago, I would probably have never met her. Anna is a wonderful woman that didn’t believe she would be able to get pregnant. So when she got pregnant with my half-brother, it was a very magical time for everyone. And three years ago, my lovely baby brother, who I will call Adam, was born.

Since Adam was born, I have been around my father far more than before. This is because I have every intent to be a big sister to Adam, who is a healthy three year old. His health and happiness is extremely important to me and I refuse to let my father put him through a similar childhood as mine.

My father inevitably asked me why I was so involved and was no longer LC with him. I have always been blunt with my father, especially about my feelings towards his lack of involvement of my upbringing and his a**oholism.

So I was very blunt when I told him that I was only interacting with him to ensure that Adam would grow up in a safe and healthy environment. I also told him that I would not hesitate to call him out if he began to slip back into the behaviors that he had when raising me.

One of the things I specifically said was, “I will not allow you to put Anna and Adam through what you put me, my mother and my brother through.” He was upset to hear this. Anna, my father’s parents and my full-blooded brother told me that I was being harsh.

I have no intent to apologize to my father. He asked me why and he knows that I’ve always been painfully blunt, so I don’t know what he was expecting from me. So, AITAH for telling my father that I’m only interacting with him for the sake of my half-brother?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Opposite_Ad_5337 −  NTA. He shouldn’t have asked the question if he didn’t want the answer, especially if he knew you were gonna tell him the truth.

beet3637 −  Why is it ALWAYS that cry babies get appeased despite the near criminal acts they’d done? Grow up, people!!! NTA.

Lucky-Guess8786 −  He is upset because he saw himself in your mirror and realized what a deadbeat dad he was. He didn’t like the image. Good for you for holding him accountable. I do, however, hope you are a little more tactful with other people. Yikes. /s LOL NTA

Cybermagetx −  Nta. He asked. You answered. If you don’t want to know the truth. Dont ask for it.

New-Number-7810 −  NTA. Sometimes being harsh is necessary. 

No_Valuable3765 −  If he didn’t wanna know the truth, he shouldn’t have asked. NTA

Dana07620 −  NTA. He shouldn’t have asked the question if he didn’t want to hear the answer.

swishcandot −  NTAH but does Anna know about your childhood?

ghjkl098 −  NTA There was nothing harsh about what you said. It’s okay to say to Anna that she has the privilege of only ever knowing one part of your father and never experiencing what you did. She shouldn’t mistake that privilege for knowledge.

Apprehensive-Fox3187 −  Nta, he asked, and you gave your honest answer, if the truth hurts, the truth hurts, You do not want your younger brother to go through the same dangerous and scary sht your mom and especially you had to experience as a child,

and if he’s upset with being made to face the reality that is a actual fear of yours you lived through, that’s on him not on you, and yes I fully understand addiction is a serious battle however instead of being upset he should have taken your response as a sign that not only him putting you through something scary to the point you said that but as a sign to never go back down that road again.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in being honest with their father, even if it came across as harsh? Or should they have handled the situation with more sensitivity to avoid upsetting others? Share your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments below!