AITAH for refusing to help impregnate a childless couple?

One person was approached by a family friend, who, alongside his wife, asked for help with impregnating her so they could have a child. The husband explained his inability to conceive and the potential financial consequences if they remained childless, proposing a secret arrangement.

The person refused and ended the visit, but has since been harassed by the couple, with the husband blaming them for ruining their chances of having a family. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for refusing to help impregnate a childless couple? ?’

I’m still flabbergasted at the levels people would stoop for a child. Mandatory burner. M27, unmarried. So this happened last week, and I’ve just blocked their number. There’s a distant family friend, and my dad was very close with him, i like the old man too. I’m talking about his son and wife.

They’re very religious and orthodox, and also childless, both soon approaching 40. A few weeks earlier we met at a marriage function, and we exchanged numbers. Nothing about this situation emerged then.

Last week, they showed up to my house. Being the jovial host i am, i made them dinner and told them to make themselves comfortable. Over the bottle of whiskey me and the husband were drinking, he began to talk. And i, being the good listener and happy to have company, let him.

After a few general chats, he said he has a problem and maybe i can help him out. I asked him what? He said he’s the problem why they aren’t having a child, and he can’t afford to adopt. If his wife gives birth, then they’ll be eligible for childcare facilities by the government.

Also, his father has said that if and only if he has his own child, will he give him the assets, otherwise they’ll be donated. I’m like that’s really unfortunate, but I’m not sure how i can help you out there. He said that that’s why he wanted to talk to me.

He has a friend who works at a fertility clinic, and he had said that although he was constrained not to help him out from the clinic directly, he can help if they get a sample of sperm. I’m like what? Why are you telling me this? He said this would be totally between us, and my name would never come out.

I immediately refused. Like i get it, you’re in trouble, and if i could I’d have helped. He said i could. I’m like no I don’t want to do this. If authorised, then maybe i would’ve thought abt it but this is illegal i can’t. At this point, the wife who was listening blurted out, hey if you want to do it the traditional way, we’re ok with that too.

I’m like WTF you talking about? The husband was grinning and said i can sleep with his wife but it needed to be a secret. I just got up, told them they had overstayed their welcome, get out, and don’t try to contact me again. They looked really shocked, and said i was overreacting and was missing a golden chance.

The husband then began saying he can make my life miserable for wanting to sleep with his wife. I told him good luck with that,as i have cameras with audio in my living room. Chance for what? Impregnating a woman i have no relation with? Illegally? F**k off.

I booked them an Uber as a last courtesy and told them if they tried to come back again I’d call the cops. They looked ashamed and defeated, the wife was crying and i was feeling bad for her, but not that pos husband.

From the next morning, they’ve been calling me, and I’ve held out in the hope they msg so that i have evidence of what they’re doing. Also, there are cameras in the living room, but they don’t have audio.

So that was a bluff. Yesterday night the husband texted me a whole essay how I’ll never have kids and ruined their lives and trust and I’ve had enough, so i blocked them.. Aitah?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

seaclifftonne −  Nta, you don’t need to donate sperm if you don’t want to and you shouldn’t be pressured into it. No reason they can’t use a donor from the clinic

Lyzab77 −  NTA. They can ask, they shouldn’t force. Also : ***He said this would be totally between us, and my name would never come out***. Until father donates the assets and the guy will make a DNA test to have you pay child support.

The moral reason why they shouldn’t have a child : they want a child to please the father, to have money from him. They shouldn’t become parents…

According-Addendum65 −  Nta But you absolutely need to fill in your father about this. And maybe the Rabbi.

Mother_Search3350 −  You are going to be on the hook for CS for 18 years when DNA proves he isn’t the father of the child . They are literally wanting to nuke your entire life over a random meet at an acquaintances wedding.

Block their number and don’t entertain their nonsense.  If the father has assets he can liquidate some to pay for IVF or a fertility clinic 

marmite_queen −  Surely this cannot be real

Significant_Topic297 −  NTA. The way they are insisting on doing this sounds like they are into some irregular bedroom activities. They appear to use an elaborate scheme to use you for their underhanded ploy.

This kind of roundabout manipulation is very much like the way a scammer tried to get my financial information. You might need a restraining order.

No_Cockroach4248 −  NTA, husband gets assets from father, then dumps child on you or get child support from you. He claims to be infertile, you don’t know if it is true. Or this is a s**m to get money from you for sleeping with his wife. Keep records of everything, just in case

VioletteApple −  NTA, that is wild. First, that’s an extremely creepy ask, and creepy way they went about it. Secondly, the idea that “nobody needs to know” is absolutely bonkers. As an adoptee, I find this idea in particular especially heinous…and also stupid. Hello, DNA testing?

There is no such thing as family secrets anymore, I literally found my bio-dad via Ancestry, he did not even know I existed. There are entire communities online of donor conceived people, mostly adults now, talking about how being DC has affected them and their sense of identity.

People that for some reason don’t know one of their parents often feel that too, but they usually know something about that parent, or have access to that information. Them planning on lying to a child and pretending they’re a bio parent is also problematic, you spend a lifetime building trust, only to be found out in a huge lie.

Shattering, I would expect it’s similar to how late discovery adoptees feel finding out neither of their parents are their actual parents.
It severs the resulting children from (at least) half of their kinship ties, and from knowing about their origins.

Not just for childhood…but for their entire lives. A branch cut from the family tree that can never be put back. It takes away their rights to know their siblings, their grandparents, and other (potential) loving family members. And the rights for those family members to know them, or even about them in many cases.

Even if all the adults involved are okay with it, the ethical considerations to those conceived anonymously are at the very least worth considering, which clearly they don’t consider them. Why on earth would you even want to help people that don’t have any considerations for the child they’re hoping you’ll “give” them via your donation?. Absolutely bananas.

Others have also brought up good points, this “donation” being under the radar leave you open to being liable for financial support of that child, and it does also seem like acquiring a child is more a means to getting an inheritance than actually wanting to have kids.. You dodged a bullet, IMO. \*Edited to fix spelling and grammar\* I didn’t proofread.

Organic-Mix-9422 −  What a wonderful brand new story with just the right of total b.s. You and your brand new account and cute user name need to try just a teensy bit better next time.

Divineprincesss1 −  Just from reading the title obviously you are NTA. I’m not reading the whole thing.

Do you think the person did the right thing by refusing the couple’s request, or was there a better way to handle the situation? Was blocking them the right decision, or should they have kept communication open? Share your thoughts in the comments below!