AITA for refusing to share my scholarship with my boyfriend’s mom, even though I promised??

A Reddit user shared a dilemma after earning a full-ride scholarship, with $20k extra for living expenses. A past joke with their boyfriend about splitting the money “three ways” has turned into a serious expectation, with the boyfriend demanding $5k for his mom as a token of appreciation. The user, however, believes it was just a joke and is now questioning whether they’re in the wrong for refusing. Read the full story below for all the details.

‘ AITA for refusing to share my scholarship with my boyfriend’s mom, even though I promised??’

So, I (18F) recently got a scholarship that covers my entire college tuition, plus a little extra for living expenses—about $20k in total. Before this happened, my boyfriend (25M) and I would always joke about how, if I ever got a “huge” scholarship, I’d “split it three ways” between me, him, and his mom. His mom is great, and I really like her, but I always thought it was just a funny thing we said.

Well, now that I actually got the scholarship, my boyfriend is seriously expecting me to give “his mom’s share” of the money. He says I “promised” and that she deserves $5k as a thank-you for raising “such a great boyfriend” and for all the nice things she’s done for me, like cooking for us or giving me advice. I told him that’s ridiculous—it was just a joke, and while I appreciate her, I’m not giving away a chunk of my scholarship money.

Now my boyfriend is saying I’m selfish and breaking a promise. He says it’s not really about the money, but about me showing that I value him and his family. (But like… why is his mom entitled to my scholarship money??)

The thing is, I did buy her a really nice bouquet of flowers and a gift card to her favorite restaurant with a little of the extra money, but my boyfriend says that doesn’t count because it’s not part of the “official” $5k he was expecting me to set aside for her.

He’s even talked about how we should “formalize” the promise so that I keep my word. Honestly, I feel like I’m losing my mind here. AITA for not giving $5k of my scholarship to my boyfriend’s mom because of a silly joke, or is this whole situation just absurd?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Jumpy-Butterscotch23 −  NTA, this is so weird that a 25 year old is doing this….. He just wants your money it has nothing to do with showing him values

snarl_posting −  You shouldn’t be dating a 25 year old

pixie-ann −  NTA your boyfriend is trying to take advantage of you, so is his mum. That’s scholarship is for YOU, nobody else. Look into the rules of how it can be spent, you night risk losing it entirely if you don’t comply with the rules.

Don’t leave bank info, cards etc anywhere they can get hold of them. They can’t be trusted. Do you live together? How long gave you been together for?

flindersrisk −  They are both being ridiculous. You did not win the lottery, you earned help to pursue your education.

mangoawaynow −  WTF A SCHOLARSHIP IS MEANT FOR UR EDUCATION AND SUPPORTING UR EDUCATION, DO NOT GIVE HIM OR HER UR MONEY.

dncrmom −  NTA that is not how scholarships work. My daughter has been the recipient of between 3-4 scholarships every year. Every single one has paid directly to her Bursars office towards tuition/room/board. Zero have issued her a personal check. Why are you dating someone 6 years older than you who wants to financially hurt you?

No_Jaguar67 −  Girl run from these grownups trying to take advantage of you.

Dizzy_Ad874 −  He is absurd.

Ok_Broccoli_2212 −  I may be wrong but can you get in trouble for gifting YOUR scholarship to another person or people. Your BF is a l**er if he expects him AND his mother are going to bank off you getting scholarship $. I would think that would be fraud so I looked it up. Look up your scholarship terms. This is what I found.. 👇👇👇👇👇👇

No, generally you cannot legally give someone your scholarship money, as most scholarship agreements explicitly state that the funds must be used for your own education expenses and could result in legal repercussions if used otherwise;

always check the specific terms of your scholarship before considering transferring funds to another person.. Key points to remember:. Scholarship terms are crucial:

Each scholarship has specific guidelines on how the money can be used, and most will not allow transferring it to another person.. Potential consequences: If you violate the terms of your scholarship, the scholarship provider could reclaim the funds, potentially impacting your future eligibility for aid.

HealthNo4265 −  Most people don’t get full scholarships for college unless they like, you know, actually need the money to pay for college because need is generally a primary factor in schools dishing out money thought there are a few that might give out full rides based on merit alone.

Having said that, there aren’t a ton of colleges that only cost $18,000/year that hand out merit based scholarships, at least in the US, so I’m guessing that might be a conversion from another currency.. ETA – NTA

Do you think the Redditor is justified in treating the “promise” as a joke, or does the boyfriend have a valid point about honoring commitments to family? How would you handle expectations tied to a personal achievement like a scholarship? Share your thoughts and perspectives in the comments below!