AITAH for refusing to marry him due to his responsibilities? ?
A Reddit user shared a dilemma about their engagement being delayed due to their fiancé’s family obligations. As the eldest sibling, the fiancé is supporting his family financially, and his mother insists on waiting for a lavish wedding and the completion of his siblings’ education. With cultural expectations and personal timelines at odds, the user is torn between waiting and walking away. Read the full story below for the details.
‘ AITAH for refusing to marry him due to his responsibilities? ?’
My fiance is the eldest in his family and since his father has passed away, he has to support his family and siblings’ education. I love him, he is the sweetest and crazily in love with me too. But it’s been more than a year since we’ve got engaged and my MIL is still delaying the marriage.
Despite of my parents convincing my MIL that they can have a simple wedding if it’s about the finances, she still isn’t ready in any case to arrange a marriage soon.
She wants a huge wedding and also wants to wait until her other children’s education (my fiance’s siblings) is completed, both of these things require more savings, hence, more time. Even tho my fiance earns enough and we are ready to have a simple wedding, she still wouldn’t agree.
Me and my parents have our reasons due to which we can’t wait any longer. In my culture, we can’t really marry without our parents’ consent. I know it’s mainly my MIL’ fault but I can’t help but think that it shows my fiance’s weakness too. Why can’t he take a stand? Why can’t he convince his mother? Should I just break off our engagement or wait a little longer?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
ProfessorX2022 − Indian? If yes, let me tell you, your future is gonna be bad if you marry this guy… Indian men (breadwinners) with spine can and will stand up for their partners/spouses everytime, even before marriage, rather mainly before marriage… If this is the way he is going… This will turn into hell for you in the future…
FantasticCabinet2623 − Desi woman here. You would be an absolute fool if you married this man. He’s already made it clear where his spine is – Mummyji’s purse. Don’t be fooled by all this talk of ‘responsibilities’ – man has made it clear what his priorities are and they are not you. Marriage will not make it any better. D**p him and marry someone who puts YOU first. NTA, obviously.
plantprinses − He is the eldest: that means he will always be the one the rest of his family will look to in times of trouble. He will always bear the responsibility for his siblings and your MIL. Your life will be dictated by his family. Run.
Normal_Grand_4702 − I agree. Don’t marry him because his mommy will dictate how and when you have s** and how many babies you should or shouldn’t have. He’ll just go along with his mommy.
FinalDown − Nah, don’t marry, since even after marriage this will be your future. Best to cut your losses now.
Traditional_Onion461 − NTA tell him his mum won’t ever let him get married cause he pays and will continue to pay for his family for the rest of his life. She doesn’t see him as her son and want him to be happy- she just wants his money. Tell him you are not accepting of this and that you wish him well but you have your own life to live
Samwry − NTA. Your struggles now show that you will be part of a “threesome” in the future- you, hubby, and MIL. If he cannot stand up to her for this, then he is too weak to be considered as husband material.
Open-Sector2341 − Get out while you can! It’s just an engagement, break it off now. Even if you do get married to this guy you will always come second to his mum and siblings. Don’t waste your life on this guy and his family.. All the best
JediSnoopy − Even in America where our marriage arrangements are different and do not involve the parents very much, a prospective spouse who allows a parent to control the relationship is not considered a good catch. It generally means that the parent will continue to control you both after the marriage.
babyluxe123 − Sounds like your MIL is planning a wedding fit for a royal family while you’re just trying to get hitched! Maybe you should suggest a ‘Wedding on a Budget’ reality show—at least it’ll make for some good TV while you wait!
Do you think the Redditor is justified in questioning her fiancé’s ability to take a stand, or is patience the better path in this situation? How would you balance cultural obligations with personal happiness in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below!