AITA for blacklisting a guy with autism from my sorority’s events?

A sorority member (20F) is facing backlash after blacklisting a man with autism from attending sorority events. The man had made her feel uncomfortable on several occasions, including taking her phone without permission, staring at her, and sending unsolicited messages.

When the sorority member took action by requesting that the man be blacklisted, another member, whose brother he is, accused her of bullying and discrimination. The situation has sparked a conflict within the sorority.

‘ AITA for blacklisting a guy with autism from my sorority’s events?’

My sorority has a “blacklist” and any member can add anyone who makes us feel uncomfortable or unsafe. There’s this nerdy guy who comes to a lot of our events buy is not in a frat ot any other group we socialize a lot with. He’s never attacked me or anything but he makes me wildly uncomfortable. Examples:

-I had my phone in my back pocket and I felt someone take it out. I turned around and he was holding my phone and said he wanted to see if I could feel someone steal it so he could show me that it isn’t safe to keep my phone in my back pocket.

-He often spends entire events sitting in the corner and staring at me if I am nearby. When I look back at him he smiles and waves hello. Once he looked right at me, made eye contact, and adjusted himself in his pants without looking away from me.

-He was slidding into my DMs and when I never answered, started saying things like “nobody cares about me” and “I guess I should just die”. I asked him to stop talking to me but he didn’t so I blocked him and he made another account to keep messaging me.

I asked our standards chair to blacklist him. The member who invites him was informed that he was not allowed to come anymore. She got upset and sent a message to our entire sorority accusing the person who blacklisted him (me, though she doesn’t know it) of being a b**ly and discriminating against her brother because he has autism.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

forgetregret1day −  I’m sorry this person’s brother doesn’t have the social skills to act appropriately in a group setting, but that’s how it is. He’s gone way further with contacting you outside events after staring at you and actually taking a personal item from your pocket.

These are unacceptable behaviors from anyone and they make you uncomfortable, which is the reason the blacklist exists. It shouldn’t matter that he has autism. His behavior is affecting you at events and in your personal life (I find his DM comments particularly disturbing.

It’s not healthy to message a total stranger that they should “just die” because they’re not getting the attention they want). This may be an unpopular opinion but boundaries are boundaries and your comfort is just as important as his. You shouldn’t have to endure unwanted attention from anyone regardless of their situation. NTA.

Massive-Arm-4146 −  NTA. Being autistic doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be a c**ep.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. He’s harassing you. Enough said.

KindlyCelebration223 −  He’s not blacklisted cause he had autism. He’s blacklisted cause:. He pick pocketed you. He touched himself in public while staring at you. He has harassed you by purposely creating multiple accounts after you blocked him. That’s not autism. That is him being a c**ep.

sexypanda26 −  NTA. You should inform the standards person of these examples m( if you haven’t already) so she can relay it to his sister. And then just leave it. Well, she may be trying to help her brother, autism is not an excuse to be inappropriate nor violating other’s boundaries.

You told him to stop. He didn’t listen. Natural consequences is that he is not allowed to come anymore. Him sending messages about him dying if you don’t respond is m**ipulative behavior. Making new accounts to message you is stalkerish behaviors. Him adjusting himself while staring at you is not okay.

He may not understand social cue BUT he will never learn if people do not teach him nor hold him accountable. And it is not your job to teach him 1:1. This is why the sister should be made aware so that way she can possibly talk to him about boundaries but again do it anonymous so you will not have a target on your back.

Good for you for setting boundaries and holding him accountable. It is not b**lying. Again NTA.

Pandoratastic −  NTA While it is true that people with autism sometimes have trouble understanding social conventions, the persistence, invasiveness, and s**ual undertones you described go beyond what could be reasonably attributed to autism alone.

You have every right to set and enforce boundaries to protect your comfort and well-being, regardless of his neurodivergence. If someone else in your sorority is upset, focus on framing the issue around the specific actions and their impact, rather than this guy’s diagnosis.

agohawks −  Imagine inviting your brother to events, being okay with him sitting awkwardly in the corner then being defensive when people don’t want him there… if she ACTUALLY cared about him being there she should’ve tried to help him socialize and hangout with him instead of being selfish and ditching him.. NTA. She’s projecting.

TwoBionicknees −  NOpe, sit her down privately and say regardless of his autism it’s not an excuse to harass you. Say he keeps dm’ing you and trying the old m**ipulative “i guess I should die” to try to get you to talk to him, that he touched his d**k while staring at you and stole your phone,

which is literally what he did. That he’s a c**ep. You can be autistic and a c**ep and autistic and not a c**ep.

Any_Assumption_2023 −  You are absolutely not the a**hole for protecting yourself from his unwanted attention, you have not encouraged him in any way and he’s trying to get your attention in very disturbing ways. You’ve done well to protect yourself. 

wwydinthismess −  Autism has nothing to do with this. He knows the difference between right and wrong and is choosing not to follow social rules which have clearly been explained to him by this age. Obviously on the spectrum we have different support needs,

but he would need pretty much full care if he didn’t have the capacity to understand how he can or can’t treat people once it’s been explained to him. We don’t need to understand it or even agree, we are capable of just doing something because enough people have explained it’s important.

Some of this is impulse control, like the staring, which is harder to control, but the messages are willful