AITA for refusing to help my sister pay for her kid’s medical bills because of what happened when I needed help?

A Reddit user faced a dilemma when their sister, who had refused to help them during a tough financial situation in the past, now asked for financial help for their niece’s medical bills.

Despite being able to help, the user feels betrayed and decides not to assist, citing the principle that family should help each other — something her sister never did for her. Read the full story and share your thoughts below!

‘ AITA for refusing to help my sister pay for her kid’s medical bills because of what happened when I needed help?’

My sister (28F) and I (26F) aren’t super close, and honestly, we’ve never really been. She’s one of those people who’s always had her life together-good job, nice house, all that. Me? Not so much lol. I’ve had my ups and downs, and a couple of years ago, it got really bad.

So, two years ago, I lost my job. Like, completely out of the blue-“Hey, thanks for everything, we’re shutting down, good luck.” I was obviously screwed. I had no savings because, you know, life is expensive, and I was living paycheck to paycheck like everyone else I know.

My rent was due, and I had literally no idea how I was going to pay it. I was freaking out-like, can’t-sleep, crying-all-night, stomach-in-knots level freaking out.
So I swallowed my pride (which was already in the toilet at this point) and called my sister. I asked her if she could lend me $1,000 to cover rent.

Not give me, lend me. I promised I’d pay her back as soon as I got a new job. I wasn’t asking for a handout. I just needed help. She didn’t even hesitate. She said no. Straight up. Like, flat, cold, no.

And then she gave me this whole speech about how she “doesn’t believe in lending money to family” because it “always goes wrong” and “ruins relationships.” She said it wasn’t personal, just her “policy,” and then basically hung up on me while I was sobbing. I was devastated.

Like, I get it, no one’s obligated to help me, but I’m her sister. I wasn’t asking for anything crazy-I just needed help to not end up homeless. Anyway, I figured it out. I sold some s**t, borrowed from a couple of friends, and barely scraped by. But that moment? It’s stuck with me. It changed the way I see her.

Like, she made it very clear that I couldn’t rely on her when things got tough. I never said anything to her about it after that because, what’s the point? But I never forgot. Now, fast forward to last week.

Her husband got laid off a couple months ago, and I guess they’re struggling, but I didn’t know the details because we don’t really talk. Then out of nowhere, she calls me. She never calls me, so I immediately knew something was up.

She was crying-like, full-on sobbing-and told me they need $1,500 for my niece’s medical bills. It’s something about a treatment she needs, and apparently, insurance will reimburse them, but they have to pay upfront. She said they’re completely out of options and begged me to help.

And look, I love my niece. She’s 3, she’s adorable, and obviously, she’s done nothing wrong. But I couldn’t help but think about that phone call two years ago when I was desperate, and she couldn’t have cared less. So I told her, “Sorry, I can’t help you.”

And yeah, I might’ve been a little petty because I threw her words back at her-I said, “I don’t believe in lending money to family because it always goes wrong.” She. Lost. Her. S**t. She started screaming at me about how this is different because it’s her child, not just “stupid rent” (her words),

and how I’m a selfish b**ch for holding a grudge over something that happened “forever ago.” She accused me of punishing an innocent kid just to get back at her, which, okay, maybe that’s a little true, but also… where was this whole “family helps family” thing when I was begging her to not let me lose my apartment?

And here’s the thing-I can afford to help her. I’ve worked my ass off these past two years to get my s**t together, and for the first time in forever, I actually have some savings. But why the hell should I? She made it clear that we’re not that kind of family. She set the rules, not me.

And now that the shoe’s on the other foot, I’m supposed to just forget everything and bail her out? I can’t. Of course, she immediately ran to my parents, and now they’re all over me too. My mom keeps saying, “It’s not about her, it’s about your niece,” and that I’m being heartless.

My dad told me I’m acting “cold” and “vindictive.” They’re both making me feel like absolute garbage, and honestly, maybe they’re right. It’s not my niece’s fault her parents are struggling. But it’s not my fault either.

And honestly, if I cave now, I know my sister is just gonna think she can treat me however she wants and I’ll still come running when she needs me. So yeah, I feel like s**t, but also, I feel like she kind of had this coming. Am I being a total a**hole here, or is it fair to not help her after everything? I can’t tell if I’m justified or just being petty.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

NotThatUsefulAPerson −  Sounds like your parents are saying they can give her the money,  doesn’t it?

TootsNYC −  Get a group call with mom and dad and her, and say, “Remember when I got laid off and needed $1,000 so that I would have a bed to sleep in? And Sis told me no? I learned some really valuable lessons there, so I thought I’d share them. “Here’s what I suggest.

Sell some stuff; I sold X and Y using this route. And I borrowed smaller amounts from some close friends who weren’t worried about the relationship getting ruined. So maybe your two households can figure it out. If I, who owned fewer valuable things to sell and am only one person, could find enough to come up with $1,000, maybe your two households can find things to sell to add up to $1,500.”

cuzinho_6666 −  You’re following the golden rule of “treat others how they treated you.” Can’t blame you for sticking to it. #pettybutjustified

BlueGreen_1956 −  NTA Karma came back to bite your sister on the ass. If you treat people poorly, you can hardly expect them to treat you well.

myfalteredego −  Be “helpful” by explaining what items you had to sell to make it, and how to ask friends for loans.

lovebeinganasshole −  Honestly your sister should contact a medical care advocate most of the time they can get the costs knocked down. She can also contact the hospital to work out a payment plan.. NTA.

LongjumpingEmu6094 −  NTA She doesn’t love or care about you. “Stupid rent”? No, she’s a selfish a**hole. She didn’t care if you were homeless. That’s it. Game over. She’s not family, at least not to you. Your parents? Playing favorites. Period. It’s not your job to be her ATM.

Shut your phone off and just ignore them. It honestly sounds like she’s not a good person and cutting her off wouldn’t really impact your quality of life.
Life is too short to waste it on people that don’t care about your safety and wellbeing.

Puppet007 −  NTAH So where were your parents when you were about to become homeless?

Grimmelda −  NTA. You know this and don’t let them try to gas light you. It’s disgusting when people with kids let others down but then when they need something you have to help them just because of the child. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks. The whole situation sucks but your sister isn’t sorry.

She didn’t have some grand epiphany when you threw her words back at her. She genuinely believes what she did was ok and THAT is the problem. Let’s say you had thrown those words back on her face and she had a realization that she’d let you down.

That she apologized and recognized what she did was wrong. Then yeah, absolutely, lend her the money. But that didn’t happen. She DOUBLED DOWN and said your pain and misery wasn’t important. Not like HER misery. She absolutely would do it again. Listen, I’m not afraid of spiders. Or snakes.

Heights don’t fill me with fear. But being homeless? That s**t TERRIFIES me. So I understand what you were going through in that moment. I am forty years old and I still live pay cheque to pay cheque. Being homeless is a very real possibility for me so when I read what you wrote it filled me with white hot rage.. No.. You figured it out.. So will she.

Legitimate-Suit-4956 −  NTA. Y’all aren’t close and give and take goes BOTH ways. If she wanted to keep you as an option in the future, she should have lent you the money years ago. Do you and your niece even have a relationship? Like do y’all hang out, chat on birthdays, etc? My guess is no. Suggest your sister hit up your parents for money or go sell things.