AITA for Telling My Friend I Can’t Be His Best Man Because His Fiancée Tried to Ban Me from His Bachelor Party?

A Reddit user (the best man) has been friends with Mike for over a decade, but when Mike’s fiancée Jess tried to ban him from the bachelor party over a joking Instagram post about her dog, things took a turn. Jess later insisted that the user “step back” from being the best man, calling him immature. The user was hurt by this and decided to refuse to participate in the wedding at all. Now Mike is upset, and the user wonders if they were wrong to make this decision. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for Telling My Friend I Can’t Be His Best Man Because His Fiancée Tried to Ban Me from His Bachelor Party?’

So, I’ve been friends with, let’s call him Mike, for over a decade. We’ve been through thick and thin together, and when he got engaged, I was stoked. Obviously, he asked me to be his best man. No-brainer, right? Well, that’s until his fiancée, let’s call her Jess, got involved. She’s always had a bit of a controlling streak—nothing crazy, just likes everything her way. But things got really weird when Mike was planning his bachelor party.

Now, normally, bachelor parties are meant to be wild and fun—think drinking, maybe a bit of mischief, nothing over-the-top. But Jess got it in her head that she needed to approve every single detail. She asked who was going, where we were going, and even what we were planning to do. No big deal, right?

Until she told Mike that I wasn’t allowed to go because I once posted a picture of her dog on my Instagram and jokingly said it was “the ugliest dog I’ve ever seen” (in my defense, it was a joke, and the dog’s face was kinda hilarious). I thought it was ridiculous, but Mike told me he had to “keep the peace” and that I couldn’t go if I wanted to avoid drama.

I laughed it off, but then Mike called me a few days later and said Jess insisted I “step back” from being the best man altogether because “I wasn’t mature enough” and “didn’t take things seriously enough.” I lost it. We’re talking about 10 years of friendship, and she’s telling him I’m not good enough for this role? I told Mike, “If I’m not good enough to be in the wedding party, I’m not good enough to even attend it.”

Now Mike’s furious with me for “making it about myself” and “causing unnecessary drama.” But honestly, I feel like she’s trying to take over everything. AITA for refusing to be there when his fiancée tried to ban me from the bachelor party?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

squirrelsareevil2479 −  NTA. Tell Mike you’re very sorry that this is happening to your friendship and you’ll be there for him when he needs you. This is going to be the first of many control moves his fiancé makes. Mike will hopefully catch on to it sooner rather than later. He’ll need a friend to help him then. Be there for him. Step back for now but let him know you’re his friend.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. There’s only so much abuse a friend can take before they stop being a friend. I feel bad for your friend. If his wife acts like this before the wedding, how much crazier will she be after it?

buttercupgrump −  NTA. You already got kicked from the bachelor party and the best man role. Why would you go to a wedding where you’ve already been made to feel unwelcomed?

embopbopbopdoowop −  NTA. Prepared for downvotes, but Mike’s the biggest AH here. Either he agrees with Jess and is using her as an excuse – not cool – or he doesn’t but is going along with it anyway rather than having the conversation with her, and then blaming her for all of this and playing the hapless husband card when he tells you – not cool.

I didn’t ask one of my best friends to be in my bridal party because she and my husband didn’t get along. It was his wedding day too, and he shouldn’t have to spend the day in close proximity with someone he doesn’t get along with.

I didn’t tell her it was his fault or say he’d said not to include her. I told her “I love you, you’re one of my besties, but you and future hubby antagonise each other and I don’t want that to be our experience of our wedding day”. I owned it. She understood, came, celebrated, all cool. And now hubby and she are friends, and if we were getting married tomorrow, she’d be in the bridal party for sure. This is how Mike should be approaching it.

4th_chakra −  I think Mike needs to take a hard look at how Jess is controlling him and his friends this early in their relationship. You and Mike have been best friends for 10 years, and suddenly you’re banned from the bachelor party, and now being his best man? Because that’s what Jess wants. And she made Mike be the bearer of bad news. But honestly, I feel like she’s trying to take over everything. Not trying. Succeeding.

It’s up to you if you want to send a hard message by not attending the wedding. But before that even happens, talk to your buddy. A 10 year friendship has to mean something. Jess is controlling him, and cutting out his friends, and there isn’t even a ring on his finger yet. It’s not too late to change his mind.. NTA

LaffingGrass −  NTA. Give it a year or two and you’ll be invited to the divorce party.

Pretend-Sundae-2371 −  Why on earth did you post a pic of someone else’s pet and call it u**y on your Instagram? Who does that? You’re an AH for that alone.

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. From the sounds of it you are likely to be able to be his Best Man at his next wedding after he realizes he doesn’t want someone else to control his life for him.

thefinalhex −  Info – doesn’t change the ruling but did she ever tell you that your (poor taste) joke offended her? And have you apologized?

minja134 −  ESH – you insulated her dog first, for what reason? It was funny? Just overall weird and rude to do. I feel like we aren’t getting the full story and that is just a glimpse into your immaturity she is mentioning. Think hard about some other behaviors and see if you’re getting flack for more than posting the dog photo.