AITA for not going above and beyond to make sure my kids see their half sister and not even making sure they get to see her at Christmas?

A Reddit user shared their story about refusing to send their kids to spend Christmas with their estranged mother’s family and their half-sister, despite pressure from the extended family.

They argue that prioritizing stability and their own active parenting is more important than forcing a bond their kids don’t seem interested in. Read the full story and share your thoughts below!

‘ AITA for not going above and beyond to make sure my kids see their half sister and not even making sure they get to see her at Christmas?’

I (30M) have two kids (11F & 9M) with my ex Charlotte (30F) and I have full physical and legal custody of them. We had our kids young and so we did struggle, but Charlotte struggled worse and she regretted having the kids within a month of our son’s birth and arguably she regretted having our daughter at the time too.

But she spoke up when our son was born and she asked for time to find herself. But when she was free from parental responsibilities she didn’t want to come back. I got primary custody of our kids from the jump. She had a generous visitation schedule for a parent who admitted she didn’t really want the kids.

But the judge at the time was unwilling to give the mom *just* every other weekend, and so she got three weeks a month and four dinners during the week (Wednesday). She never took Wednesday’s and for a while she took one weekend a month but sometimes she’d go months without seeing them.

The judge wouldn’t change the time he gave her because she was mom, even with over a year of failing to take all her parenting time. Charlotte’s family wanted to see the kids and we got along okay-ish, so I always let them see the kids. Things changed with Charlotte when she met her husband “Rob”.

He wanted the kids. He wanted to be my kids’ dad. They tried to get more custody after the wedding. They literally filed on their wedding day thinking the marriage made a big difference. Rob would tell me the kids called him dad now and my kids would say they didn’t.

He’d tell me I was getting between him and the kids, would accuse me of telling the kids not to call him dad. They jerked away from him whenever he went to reach for them. I asked if he ever hurt them and they said no, just that he was always trying to make them stand next to him or walk with him and they didn’t like it.

I documented each incident and spoke to my lawyer. I also recorded an incident where he was scolding the kids for calling him by his name in front of me and for trying to come over and hug me saying it was their time with the kids and they didn’t need to be near me (this was at an extra curricular function).

When the custody evaluation happened I presented all the evidence, a GAL was provided and by the time I was given full physical and legal custody, Rob was done with my kids because they wouldn’t be his. A switch flipped from they’re mine and f**k off to take them and get them out of my sight.

Charlotte seemed relieved to have the kids be back with me all the time. Following the end of the custody eval I heard Charlotte was pregnant and 10 months after the court date Charlotte and Rob had a daughter. My kids saw her 3 times. She’s 4 now. Charlotte doesn’t have any contact with our kids now.

However her family still sees them. Charlotte’s parents and siblings have complained that I don’t facilitate a relationship with my kids and their half sister. They told me I should be going above and beyond to make sure they grow up loving each other and that my kids have told them they don’t care about their half sister.

I asked why it came up and they said they asked because my kids never talk about her, and they said it was my fault. Charlotte’s parents have decided from now on they’ll host Christmas for their entire family and they want me to send my kids to them on Christmas Day so they can be with their half sister.

I said no. They said this is how they see her at Christmas at least and form a relationship. I told them I will not send the kids away from their one active parent at Christmas to be ignored by the other and have a 4 year old pushed onto them by the extended family.

Charlotte’s parents didn’t like this and accused me of being a petty dad who only cares about his bloodline and not valuing the relationship between half siblings when the half isn’t my half. They told me I should do what’s best for the kids and not me.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

stardustmaster −  NTA. You are prioritizing your children’s comfort and emotional well-being, which is your primary responsibility as their parent. It’s important for relationships between siblings to develop naturally and not be forced, especially in complex family dynamics like yours.

Your decision to keep the kids with you during Christmas, a significant time for family bonding, is entirely reasonable. Charlotte’s family’s expectations for you to facilitate a relationship under these circumstances are not only unfair but also disregard the preferences and feelings of your children. You’re doing the right thing by keeping their needs at the forefront.

Bitter_Trees −  NTA. Maybe the maternal grandparents should talk to their deadbeat daughter about why SHE isn’t helping to facilitate a relationship between the siblings. And why she abandoned them in the first place.

United-Manner20 −  NTA it has nothing to do with the half sister. It has to do with them understanding that their mother abandoned them. She chose to have another child, but still chose to not be involved with them.

Why would they want to spend their Christmas seeing her parent when she never did it with them? It doesn’t matter what her family wants, it sounds like they’re excusing her actions. Do whatever your kids want. What they want is literally the only thing that matters. They owe them absolutely nothing, and you’re a great dad for putting them first.

Cute-Profession9983 −  Petty? Tell them they’re lucky you aren’t actually petty, because THEIR daughter abandoned THEIR grandchildren and yet they still get to know them. Remind them that if they want to play stupid games, their stupid prize is having the exact same relationship that their deadbeat daughter has with the kids.

Turbulent_Ebb5669 −  Charlotte’s parents and siblings need to b**t out. Or they won’t be seeing your kids either.

agnesperditanitt −  “They told me I should do what’s best for the kids and not me.” And that’s exactly what you are doing.. NTA

fair-strawberry6709 −  NTA. They are being the selfish ones. It’s really rich that they want to claim that it’s “best for the kids” to be away from their safe and involved parent for a major holiday. Absolutely not.

You only need to go above and beyond for your own children. If they have no interest in being siblings with the 4 year old, you have zero obligation to facilitate anything.

redditlurker1981 −  Next time they open their traps about it remind them you aren’t the deadbeat parent in this scenario. If they want the kids to have a relationship with charlottes mulligan kid, she should be the one to do it.

GingerHotBabe −  NTA – You’re prioritizing your kids’ well-being and it’s not your job to force a relationship with their half-sister.

I_wanna_be_anemone −  NTA your former in-laws need to be told that you will not support their continued efforts to enable Charlotte. That them pretending their daughter hasn’t abandoned or allowed some man to emotionally manipulate her kids doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

You don’t trust Charlotte to do what’s in the kids best interests. Because of their enabling, you don’t trust ex-in laws to prioritise your kids mental or emotional wellbeing. They can play happy families without using your kids as props to alleviate their guilt.