AITA for asking my cousin not to eat my food?

A Reddit user (25M) shared a Thanksgiving story where they asked their cousin, Amanda (24F), not to take all of their dairy-free and gluten-free mac & cheese, as it was made specifically for a few family members with dietary restrictions. Amanda, who has a mental impairment, took half of it anyway, leading to a meltdown. The user was later criticized by their aunt for not being considerate. Read the full story below to see if the user’s request was justified.

‘ AITA for asking my cousin not to eat my food?’

My (25m) cousin (24f), let’s call her Amanda, has a mental impairment, so she acts about 6-8 years old. She is also a very picky eater, which makes holidays hard for her, and she usually just eats the rolls, and maybe a few bites of whatever the meat is. Her mom, my Aunt Wanda, never brings anything for her to eat despite knowing what food will be there (we have a family group chat so people don’t bring the same or similar foods) and what my cousin won’t eat.

Another cousin (23f), Elizabeth, has a severe dairy allergy, and her sister (28f), Cameron, doesn’t eat gluten. They always make and bring their own food. I am vegetarian and avoid dairy as much as possible, I always make and bring my own food, and eat what I can from what the rest of the family brings. Our family is respectful of our allergies and dietary needs, and does not eat what we bring for ourselves, so we don’t cook a lot since it’s just the three of us.

At Thanksgiving, Elizabeth brought DF/GF mashed potatoes and gravy, Camille brought salad and a veggie tray with DF dip, and I made a box of DF/GF mac & cheese. I didn’t think Amanda would want to eat the macaroni because it’s not what she’s used to (Kraft or Valveeta), and it does obviously taste different from standard macaroni. She’s very sensitive to small flavor changes like that.

We had our allergen-free food on a separate table, so people didn’t accidentally take our food when there were larger portions of the same food but with the allergens in them. The only thing that we had that the rest of the family didn’t was the mac & cheese. When all the food was out, Amanda saw the mac & cheese and went straight to our food table. I let her know that it was DF/GF and was for just me, Elizabeth, and Camille, but if she wanted to try some and have some after we get our servings, she could.

Instead, she ignored me and scooped up HALF of it onto her plate. I asked her to put some back because it wasn’t fair to take all that when I made it for the three of us. She started screaming and crying saying that it wasn’t fair that we have our special food that she can’t eat, when there’s hardly any food for her to eat, and no one makes food just for her.

I knew with her being in that state that reasoning with her wasn’t going to work, so I didn’t say anything. Her mom came over and took her to sit and calm down. She took one bite of the macaroni, didn’t like it, and threw the plate on the floor. Her mom took her into the kitchen and they made a box of Kraft macaroni for her to eat.

Later, my Aunt Wanda told me it was inconsiderate of me to make food Amanda would think she likes, and that I “forced” my aunt to make her food while everyone was eating. AITA for asking her to wait until we got our food before taking some for herself?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Rhypskallion −  NTA. Your aunt is clearly the AH. She should bring food for her daughter and apologize for her behavior AND her daughter’s behavior.

mostly_lurking1040 −  NTA. But you have a (mentally) young person at a party with typically no food she likes, and you brought macaroni and cheese. You can’t find a kids menu that doesn’t feature macaroni and cheese. (Makes me crazy how often my young relatives eat it, almost daily.). So it was kind of an attractive nuisance. Be secretly happy the aunt had to get off her f****** ass and make her kid some food she’d eat. Its her job to ensure that her child gets nourishment.

Ratchet_gurl24 −  Tell auntie, it’s inconsiderate to purposely not bring any food her own daughter to eat, and expect others to. The unwritten rules are that any specific dietary requirement foods are brought by those who have allergies/special restrictions. Her daughter is one of those people, so it’s her responsibility to cater to her daughter’s needs. Amanda cannot help the way she is. What’s aunt Wandas excuse?

nigliazzo5626 −  Your aunt is the only AH, she sets this girl up for failure every holiday and blames everyone but herself. Shes the only reason Amanda doesn’t have food to eat.

Rohini_rambles −  Wow your aunt doesn’t give a crap about her daughter. I hope she is providing proper care for that young woman at home….

hornyknuckles −  NTA. A child of 6-8 would understand. Her mother hasn’t bothered to teach her boundaries. Her mother should be instructed to bring “special food just for her” to family events.

StarGazer8556 −  “Wanda, don’t forget to bring food for Amanda for Christmas. There will not be enough allergen free food.”

SpaceAceCase −  This makes me feel really bad for Amanda honestly, her mother can’t be bothered to make sure she has food and no one else thought to make the box of mac and cheese that was sitting right there until she didn’t like the allergen friendly version.  Her inability to enjoy a meal at family gatherings is clearly taking a toll and her mother doesn’t care. NAH except your aunt. What she’s putting your cousin through is horrible. 

FiGuJo −  NTA. I am autistic and a vegetarian so i get that family holiday meals can get pretty complicated (especially since in my culture there is practically no “autism safe” holiday food, it all sucks) so i get why she might have been drawn to that table of food, but if she doesn’t need it she shouldn’t eat it.

OutlandishnessOk790 −  Your aunt is an AH.