AITA for refusing to replace my ex’s stained sheet pans?

A Reddit user shared their dilemma about refusing to replace their ex’s sheet pans after a breakup. The pans, used extensively during the relationship, became stained from normal cooking use, leading to a debate over responsibility for their condition. Read on for the full story and share your thoughts below!

‘ AITA for refusing to replace my ex’s stained sheet pans?’

My ex and I just broke up after living together for about two years. Over that time, I did most of the cooking, so I was the one using the cookware most of the time. However, most of the pots, pans, etc., were originally my ex’s, as I got rid of my stuff (mostly poorer quality) when we moved in together.

I used these two sheet pans a lot to make easy dinners with roasted potatoes, vegetables, chicken, etc., and also to bake cookies. Over time, the sheet pans got those baked-on brown grease stains. In my experience, that’s pretty normal and unavoidable (unless you use parchment paper or something like that).

Of course, I always cleaned them after but sometimes the stains don’t come off even after scouring, so I kept using them because I don’t consider it “dirty” after washing with soap and hot water. (This wasn’t an issue with my ex while we were together, possibly because they didn’t need to use the pans much.)

However, when we broke up and sorted out our stuff, my ex said that I needed to replace the sheet pans because I “ruined” them. I said that they weren’t ruined, only stained, they were still perfectly usable.

I did try to clean them as much as I could before I left, also using baking soda and a number of other cleaners and scrubbers, but no matter what I did, the staining remained. To replace the pans, it would’ve cost around $50.

I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to replace the pans because I personally don’t think they’re ruined, also I think that some wear and tear of items is expected during a relationship (especially shared household things).

I also got rid of a lot of duplicate kitchen stuff when we moved in together, but I don’t expect my ex to replace those things, that was a choice I made and it didn’t pan out well for me (sorry for pun).

On the other hand, I am almost entirely responsible for staining the sheet pans, as I was the one who used them the most. Also, the staining was pretty extensive, you can imagine a pure silver-colored pan turning to mostly brown, it is kind of u**y (badge of honor in the kitchen, in my opinion).

And maybe my standard for a “ruined” sheet pan is too low and I should respect my ex’s standards for their items. In the end, I refused to pay to replace the sheet pans. Am I the a**hole?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

owls_and_cardinals −  NTA. You were using them for both of your benefit, you didn’t actually ruin or even necessarily damage them (not being pristine does not equate to damage in my eyes),

and this is simple wear and tear as probably occurred with dozens of other household items. Are they asking you to reimburse her for the couch, too, because your use of the couch increased the wear on it? Obviously not.

1962Michael −  NAH. Personally I can’t imagine people arguing much over $50 worth of cookware, so this isn’t E S H territory. It’s not an unreasonable request, but I think that what you describe falls under the category of “reasonable wear and tear.”

It would be different if you continually used the pans without parchment paper after she kept asking you to do so. HOWEVER, if you think the stains are a “badge of honor” then I would wonder why you would give up your honor badges so easily.

You’re going to need sheet pans anyway, so why not take the “well-seasoned” ones and replace them with some boring new ones?

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. This sounds like the typical wear and tear that occurs when using cookware. We’re not talking about art pieces that were hanging on the wall. You can’t be expected to restore cookware that’s been in use for two years to the pristine state that it was in when it was taken out of the box.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA also I think that some *wear and tear* of items is expected during a relationship (especially shared household things). You did most of the cooking for both of you & they didn’t complain. Sounds like a bit of sour grapes on their part tbh.

LifeAsksAITA −  NTA. Can she pay you back for all the labor you spent cooking for her on those sheet pans ? She shouldn’t have eaten the food for 2 yrs and then demand new pans.

yar1279 −  NTA. If they ate the food you cooked with them, they’re being unreasonable to expect them to still be pristine

Plumbus-aficianado −  The natural carbonization that occurs on a sheet pan with use is seasoning the pan and makes it less prone to sticking. It improves the cooking performance, and does not warrant replacing the pan.

blackpawed −  First she has to reimburse you for all your time spent cooking with them.

Hinatacutie_ −  NTA. Stained sheet pans are like badges of honor in a kitchen; they show that they’ve been well-used and loved, not ruined. Wear and tear on kitchen items, especially ones used as frequently as sheet pans, is totally normal.

While it’s understandable that you’d want to leave things in good condition, replacing items that are still functional just because they look used seems excessive. Maybe explaining the difference between ‘worn’ and ‘ruined’ could help ease your ex’s mind.

2dogslife −  It is called seasoning a pan, and it actually improves how the pan behaves, keeping things from sticking (as they often do with new pans). You do this with steel woks or fry pans or cast iron cookwear. I actually buy baking sheets and pans from thrift stores to get them seasoned (and cheaper – lol).. NTA