AITA for telling my MIL if she keeps rearranging my Kitchen she can get a hotel room?

A Redditor shared their frustration about their MIL staying with them and repeatedly rearranging their kitchen, despite being asked not to. The setup prioritizes the Redditor’s comfort due to their height, but the MIL insists on lowering items for her convenience. After a final straw involving misplaced coffee mugs, the Redditor told their MIL she could get a hotel if she couldn’t respect their boundaries, leading to family tension. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my MIL if she keeps rearranging my Kitchen she can get a hotel room?’

I (29F) am married to a wonderful man (30M) who is also the brother of my best friend, our heights are very different with me being 6’6″ and him being 5’7″, all of his family are on the short side and it led to some adjustments in our living arrangements at first but we found what worked for us. We realised early on that it was easier for him to use a step stool to reach what he needed in the kitchen than for me to constantly be crouching to get what I need as that gets painful quickly for me.

This was fine, until my MIL came to stay with us two weeks ago. Her roof needs repairs, my husband and I have a spare room while my best friend doesn’t so it was only logical she come stay with us. She has constantly been moving things about in the kitchen, lowering items as she doesn’t want to use the step stool, which isn’t anything to do with her age or fearing she’ll fall she just doesn’t want to.

She keeps harping on about how it’s ridiculous everything is so high up and it’s rude for guests. My husband has repeatedly shut her down stating my comfort matters more than theoretical guests and asked her not to move things. She lets it go for a day then things are moved again.

I’ve expressed frustration to my Husband about this and the final straw came today when I went to make myself a coffee and could not find my coffee mugs anywhere, it took me five minutes to find them in my kitchen and I found them in the lower cabinet that I had to kneel to get them out of. I was angry and snappish at this as my back had hurt from getting my mug, and I told her if she couldn’t stop herself from rearranging my kitchen she could get a hotel room as I have had enough of her entitlement.

This led to a lot of blustering and some tears that she was just trying to make it make more sense and how this is her sons home and how it’s just a little reorganisation and that they shouldn’t all suffer just because i’m tall, she then also began to say how i’m heartless to expect her to stay in a hotel over the holidays.

My Husband was clearly uncomfortable at this and didn’t want his Mother upset but he told her that it wasn’t just his home, but mine too and if she wouldn’t respect my comfort and happiness then she would have to leave. She has went into the guest room and I can hear her crying still.

My Husband is clearly getting anxious and upset over this but he’s not backing down and I feel awful that my snapping led to him feeling like this, maybe I should have just put up with it or been more gentle about how I dealt with it? I honestly don’t care that she’s upset which may make me sound heartless but I hate that my Husband is feeling this way.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

owls_and_cardinals −  NTA, you stood up for yourself and gave a fair warning. I believe you’ve been quite patient. I appreciate that your husband is uncomfortable but so be it, sometimes life is uncomfortable. She had plenty of opportunities to stop complaining and to stop moving things around before you drew this line. Express appreciation for your husband and just let her sit with it.

TBH I’d be wondering about past interactions with her. She seems to almost take offense to your height somehow, and I wonder if anything has every come up about your ‘fit’ with your husband, the optics of such a statuesque person or whatnot. People are weird.

banbear2 −  I don’t know anyone who keeps mugs in a lower cabinet…. and I’m 5’1″.

Naomeri −  NTA—the house belongs to you and your husband, so stuff should be arranged however the two of you agree it should be arranged, and MIL needs to be grateful she has family with the capacity to take her in during her roof repairs. Since your main concern is how this is affecting your husband, maybe the two of you should have a date night or something and get away from his mom for a few hours.

DgShwgrl −  Do you know how my Mum survives something very similar when her short ass self visits my average height self and tall husband?

She checks which mugs and glasses are our favourites. She then chooses her own “favourites” from the leftover options, and each time puts one coffee mug, one water glass and one wine glass in our bowls cupboard. Zero hassle for any of us, and saves her stretching for the drink ware (as it’s on the top shelf). NTA and anyone who’s still crying over a reasonable reprimand is a d**ma queen who can be ignored until they calm themselves down.

throwaway1975764 −  NTA. I’m 5’7″. I can access 80% of my kitchen storage just fine, and yeah I use a stepstool for the rest. If she wants 1 mug kept lower I presume that would be fine, no need to rearrange the whole cupboard!

kurokomainu −  NTA The simple solution is for her to leave your kitchen alone. If she just agreed to that there would be no issue. If she is crying at the thought of having to stay in a hotel, it’s because she doesn’t intend to respect your wishes.

Tell your husband that his mother rearranging your kitchen (after being told multiple times not to) was a choice on her part which amounts to her asserting that she has more right to do what she wants in your home than either of you do.

If you let her ignore you both and do what she wants anyway then that would only be the start of it. You understand that he is uncomfortable, but his mother’s tears over not being able to get her way in your home can’t be allowed to become a successful weapon. That too would be the start, not the end of them.

The omelet you need to make is for your MIL to respect that this is your home and not hers to rearrange to her liking while stays there. She is a guest. She is not moving in as the parental authority to you both. The eggs you need to break to make that omelet are her reactions to being told that she can’t get her way, and that there will be consequences to her refusing to respect that this is your house and not hers.

mdthomas −  You don’t rearrange someone else’s things in their own home without permission!. NTA.

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. It’s wrong to rearrange people’s things without their permission. Does she live in a giant mansion where it takes a long time to fix a roof? Getting the booking for the repair can take a while, so I’m not sure why she wants to be in your home while she waits. I’d want to be at home in case the roof develops any leaks in the ceiling. If there are any damp marks on the ceiling, she should have marked around them with a soft pencil so that she could monitor their progress (or lack of progress).

If you want a story to tell her about how failing to accommodate the needs of tall people can hurt them, tell her that Robert Pershing Wadlow, who for a long time was the tallest man ever according to Guinness World Records at 8 feet 11.1 inches. died of an infection that he got from an ill-fitting a**le brace. However inconvenient it is for her, it is worse for you because you are taller than most people and you live in a world that isn’t really built for you.

tinyd71 −  The logistics of your kitchen organisation are not the issue. It’s rude guest behaviour to come into someone’s home and act this way.. NTA.

DinaFelice −  “You are correct that this is your *son’s* home — that means it is not *yours*. Therefore, it is extremely inappropriate for you to make changes. It is entirely irrelevant that you don’t think our organization makes sense… If you are really still struggling with memorizing our system, then one of us can help you make notes or you can just ask for help. But we may want to consider getting your memory checked by a doctor if you are really struggling this much.”

NTA. As the person who taught your husband not to mess around with other people’s toys, your MIL certainly knows better than to mess with the organization in someone else’s home. She is simply acting out of a sense of entitlement, because she is under bizarre impression (common to overbearing mothers) that her offspring’s house is an extension of her own house.

And the memory thing wasn’t just a random insult, it is a legitimate concern: besides entitlement, the other reason for random reorganization into a familiar pattern is that she legitimately forgets where things go and, in her confusion, she’s putting them where it makes sense in the moment.