I found a Tinder verification code on my fiance’s phone
A woman discovers Tinder and Bumble verification codes on her fiancé’s phone just weeks before their wedding. Despite his sincere apology and emotional response, she can’t shake the hurt and confusion. They’ve had a strong relationship, but the discovery has left her questioning what to do next. Read her story below.
‘ I found a Tinder verification code on my fiance’s phone ‘
it’s my first time posting in this app but I can’t talk about it to anyone so here I am, I 24F have been with my man 26M for over two years now and we are planning on getting married in April, he’s generous loyal honest sweet caring and there is chemistry between us,
we went through so much to be together and he had to fight so hard for me cause my parents didn’t except him, and he’s a hard-working man very busy most of the time, everything was going fine till last week, he left for a trip to his home country and to visit another different country last month, he came back,
I was so happy to see him but for some reasons, I went through his phone and found a Tinder and Bumble vertification codes on his phone on the 14th Nov and another code from Tinder on the 10th of Nov. the app was deleted, I talked to him about it and he was sencier about it,
he broke down crying when he thought he is going to lose me and I’ve never seen him cry before, he said he didn’t meet anyone from the app and I bealive it , he was so sencier in his apologies and it was out of character of him, he never gave me a reason to doubt him before,
I have never experienced anything like that I don’t know what to do or who to talk about it with, it was hard for me to see him putting himself down to apologise so I fogave him but I still think about it and it still hurt? I’m not sure what to do, any advice??
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
No_Violinist_4557 − He was crying crocodile tears, you know they were crocodile tears, you know he is full of s**t, but you have zero intention of leaving him. You’ve forgiven him, so you don’t need advice from us. Good luck.
tobaloba74 − If you were my daughter, I’d encourage you to break up with him and prioritize your education.
meeldtar − He broke down crying etc etc… because he was caught. He wasn’t sorry or crying before you caught him.
tmchd − he’s generous loyal honest sweet caring. Well, I’m sorry to say, he’s not loyal. He cried because he got caught. Plus, he can’t have his cake and eat it too. To make you feel sorry for the crocodile tears would make you stay, and even likely go ahead and marry…therefore not embarrassing him
(because if y’all are getting married in a few months, people probably already know. Imagine his embarrassment if he got dumped by you because you found out he was cheating. People will talk, and he’ll be momentarily embarrassed/humiliated/reputation slightly tarnished around his family/friends.
Plus you’re probably a good partner whom he doesn’t want to lose). I’m just going to caution you, OP, be careful that he may infect you with STI while he’s active using those apps for ‘dates.’ So please go ahead and get tested if you can.
It still hurt because you know you got lied to, he cheated on you and yet you’re staying, so the trust has been broken. You’re mourning the ‘him’ who doesn’t exist, the him who’s actually loyal (like you mentioned in your post). He’s not loyal. He may be sweet, but he is also sweet on others too unfortunately. And you’re worried in the future.
Just imagine in 5 years, I will bet that you’ll catch him again. He probably will be smarter next time though. He’ll make sure you can’t access his phone easily or have a 2nd burner phone.
If you were my daughter, I will caution you that you are attaching yourself so young in matrimony to a guy who doesn’t deserve her. You’re going to have a bad marriage because you won’t forget about this and you’ll always wonder every time he has to go if he’s being loyal or if he’s cheating on you again.
You may forget about his infidelities from time to time, but you will be paranoid because one day, he may find an AP whom he may fall for then he’d leave you. Divorce is very common these days.. TLDR: Don’t marry him.
MightyNiete − He never gave you a reason to doubt him, yet you went through his phone… Also he traveled alone and his first reaction was to check out the local dating market?! Why would you want marry someone like this???
itsthecatforme − From personal experience, cheaters always cry. They always find excuses and make promises. And then they learn to hide better and do it again. Why would you trust that he didn’t meet anybody, when you caught him lying to you?
apple-sauce − Red flag 🚩 Immediate break up
Wondercat87 − Please do not delude yourself into believing he feared losing you. If he truly did, he wouldn’t have been on dating apps! He’s only sad because he got caught. I doubt he didn’t meet anyone, why be on the apps then??
Sounds like he was on them when he was away, and deleted them when he was coming back. Please don’t marry this man. He’s not faithful. You still think about it and are hurt because you know deep down this situation feels icky and you don’t believe what he told you. Do not let this go, you are clearly upset about this and rightfully so.
kmariew1 − Nah he’s got to go, he’s cheating on you. Maybe he didn’t meet up with anyone, but he intended to.
Having never seen him cry before means absolutely nothing here, he used that against you because he knew it would make you fall for his pathetic apology.
qwertyvm − Why do you believe him when he hid it from you? He cried when he got caught, he wasn’t crying when you didn’t know.
He didn’t just spontaneously download Tinder/Bumble and then delete it, he logged in at least twice.
That is an intentional act. You went through his phone for a reason. Listen to what your intuition is telling you or face the consequences if you choose not to listen to what you already know deep down.
Trust is a foundational aspect of any relationship, and discovering something like this can be deeply unsettling. Do you think her fiancé’s emotional reaction and sincere apology should be enough to move past this, or do you think the lingering hurt indicates a deeper issue? How would you approach this situation? Share your advice below!