I’m (36F) Not Sure What to Do About my Husband (35M)?

A Reddit user (36F) shares her concerns about her husband (35M), who has been struggling with anxiety and mental health issues, especially since the birth of their child. Over the years, his condition worsened, leading to job loss, medication issues, and financial instability.

She’s been the primary breadwinner, but the situation has caused a strain on their relationship and her emotional well-being. Despite giving ultimatums and trying to help him, things haven’t improved.

Now, she’s torn between staying in the marriage to support him and leaving to protect herself and their son. Read the full story below to see how she’s grappling with the decision of whether to continue supporting her husband or move on for the sake of her family’s well-being.

‘ I’m (36F) Not Sure What to Do About my Husband (35M)’

I’ve been with my husband since we were teenagers, and we have a 2-year-old son together. Over the years, he’s struggled with anxiety, but it worsened after our son was born. Last year, he had a rough time at work and ended up on medical leave, losing his job after months of not being able to go back.

We had savings and support from family, so we managed financially, but it still took a toll on me emotionally. He got on medication and seemed to improve, but after a few months, he decided to stop the meds against my wishes.

Things quickly spiraled — he got addicted to Zyn, went on a spending spree, and totaled his car. Now, he’s back to feeling overwhelmed and anxious about everything. After a recent power outage, he started experiencing the same symptoms again, leading him to ask for time off work.

He missed an important doctor’s appointment, and I was so frustrated with him. The problem is that he’s in a tough spot financially and professionally. His job is unstable, we have a lot of debt, and daycare costs are high.

I’m the primary breadwinner, but we’re not exactly in a comfortable situation. I’ve told him repeatedly he needs to take better care of himself, but he refuses. I’ve even given ultimatums, but nothing seems to change.

Now, I’m at a crossroads. I don’t want to get divorced — I love him — but I’m unsure whether I should keep trying to support him through his struggles or leave to protect myself and our son.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Lurker_the_Pip −  That spending spree should be enough of a reason to get him to a psychiatrist.. He needs to be diagnosed. You and your son also need to be safe and secure away from this madness. One thing I know after leaving a bipolar partner is that you must put yourself first.. If you go down your son goes down.

stormbird451 −  This really sounds like a mental health issue or mood disorder. You absolutely can’t fix him on your own. It’s not possible. It’s also not your fault. I think leaving him would be a good choice as you’ve tried everything else.

nikkijang63 −  just as someone with it, he kind of sounds like he has traits similar to bipolar disorder? it can be cyclical and have similar symptoms every year during the same times (like I always get depressed around the end of the year due to childhood problems during the holidays in general and it i guess causes my bipolar cycle to line up that way.

not sure how it works tbh I just know it’s what I experience and it’s more than just seasonal depression). the excessive spending, the getting o**rwhelmed from anxiety and you saying he’s getting like how he does “during this time of year” to me all sound like what I’m like. I have bipolar and borderline.also adhd.

you don’t have to deal with it if it’s too hard for you. it isn’t your job to help someone else deal with their mental health, it’s theirs. but if you want to help, maybe see if he’s willing to go for an evaluation for what I listed or other things and see if he can start new medication.

People on bipolar disorder can feel like they get better once they go manic and stop taking their meds, but they always need their meds to stay stabilized. not knowing you have bipolar makes it so much harder to understand what you need and what’s happening and makes it really scary.

but again. you do not need to stay with him if it is too much for you. your mental health matters too. do what’s best for you and your child. you can mention he needs help if it makes you feel better, but only help him if you genuinely want to and feel you mentally are able to. take care of yourself.

bickets −  I understand that you don’t want to get a divorce, but you’d be wise to at least consult with a divorce lawyer to find out your options. Can you afford another $15k spending spree? What about another totaled car?

You’re saying you won’t end up on the streets, but if he keeps doing that you are going to have some real financial issues. If he’s refusing to get treatment, things can get much worse than they already are and you may be responsible for his debt. You need to know what your legal options are to protect yourself and your child.

cantor0101 −  What you’ve described sounds more than anxiety. It sounds like your husband might have undiagnosed and untreated bipolar disorder. The last episode you described sounds like a manic episode. 

ShoddyStrength1700 −  seperation might be a good idea, at this point in time it sounds like your doing everything on your own anyway, so being apart and seeing how you both feel about it might not be a bad idea? It might help motivate him as well.

ChromeLightBulb −  I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Speaking as a male partner who has battled with similar sounding anxiety and has learn to manage it… For him to get through this it has to come from him. It’s not his anxiety holding him back.

He has to believe he can take control of his life and want to get it back on track. Nobody can force you through it otherwise. I’m not sure if you’ve tried explaining how it needs to come from him and that he needs to be the one to want to change to stop this but it’s worth a shot if not

Redditor1512 −  I have bipolar and I genuinely think some of his patterns of behaviour could be best described with this diagnosis. Hopefully you can get him to follow through on the doctor’s appointment. More stable and happier times can easily be ahead with the right medications. Best of luck

TorchIt −  Anxiety doesn’t cause spending sprees. There’s something else going on with your husband and he needs help.

cMeeber −  What are his reasons for getting off his meds? Also how did his troubles make you lose your good friends? That part is troubling. His behavior is literally isolating you. Don’t take that lightly.

Do you think the Reddit user should continue supporting her husband through his struggles, or is it better for her to prioritize her own well-being and that of her child? How would you handle a relationship where mental health issues are impacting not just the individual, but the entire family? Share your thoughts in the comments below!