Getting Back with an Ex
A woman shares her experience of getting back with her ex after a breakup of six years. While she’s happy to reconnect, she’s struggling with resentment towards him for ending their relationship.
Especially when he now does things he didn’t do during their time together. She wonders if others have had similar experiences and if these feelings will fade over time. Read her story below.
‘ Getting Back with an Ex’
So my ex (M22) and I (F22) broke up back in August (together for about 6 years) we went no contact for a few months and then started talking again. He broke up with me and initiated the conversations about rekindling.
It’s everything I wanted, considering I didn’t want to break up, but now it’s happening I can’t help but feel resentment towards him for breaking us up and causing me all that pain.
For example, he took me out on a really special date, unlike one we had ever been on during our relationship, and I couldn’t help but feel sad that it wasn’t done during our relationship.
Is this something other people experienced when getting back with an ex? Does this feeling go eventually? (Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this!).
See what others had to share with OP:
lydocia − Getting back together with an ex only works if enough time has passed and enough effort has been made to grow from the issues that broke you up in the first place.
August until now is pretty short. Sounds to me like he wanted to be single, couldn’t land anyone better and then came back to his safe option, his consolation prize.
Blyndde − Congratulations, you are a consolation prize because he couldn’t find anything better. I would not get back with an ex if considerable time has not passed. The issues that were there will still be there.
decaturbob − – ex’s are ex’s for a reason and those reasons simply do not vanish and why its ALWAYS bad to go back to ex anything from relationships to employers…
AubergineForestGreen − What changed in those couple months for him to come back. Are you sure he didn’t leave to get with someone else? Ask yourself why have you made it so easy for him to drop you then come back? Is this the treatment that you deserve.
How do you know he won’t do it again since you’re so willing to accept him. Before jumping back into the devoted girlfriend role you need to make him prove himself – ask him – Why should you trust him again? How will he truly apologise for how will he hurt you?
Wonderful_Comment_94 − He’ll leave you again.. he has made this clear before. Please don’t see the length of the relationship (6years). It didn’t matter to him it won’t matter again. Leave him. Now indeed that he came back you’ll move on easily. So move on
Life-Stories-9014 − As someone who is more than 10 years older than you and is married for 6 years, communicating about that resentment towards him is the best thing to do right now. You hold that resentment because you haven’t forgiven him yet and you \[probably\] need answers.
Right now, you need assurance. You don’t want to experience pain all over again and you don’t want to waste time as well. Talk to him in a quiet place (preferably semi-public so you don’t end up having s** lol). Express your feelings and see how he responds.
His response will be a great indicator if he really wants you back or maybe he’s just bored. Love yourself first. Some men tend to abuse women’s weakness, and I hope that’s not the kind of person he is.
Its_maya_bitch − Been there. A few times with the same guy. Unfortunately it will most likely revert into what it was before once the high of getting back together wears off. You resenting him is also not a great sign. Chances are you may (and rightfully so) hold on to it and act it out in small ways.
In my experience, the breakups were so traumatic, I never felt fully at peace or safe with him anymore. I also was unable to get over the fact that he has been intimate with other people during the time we took apart, It all definitely turned me into not the best partner for him either.
However, I don’t know either of you or your dynamics. I have heard about people breaking up and being able to patch it back together but at what cost?
hebelehoo − Why did he break up with you, what did he do during that break and what changed in him to come back to you? If you can get a satisfying answer to those questions from him, sure go ahead. But as you are aware anyone can plan a nice romantic date which essentially means not much in your case.
Getting back with an ex can be filled with mixed emotions, especially when the pain of the past lingers. Do you think those feelings of resentment will fade with time, or is it a sign of unresolved issues? How have you dealt with similar feelings in your relationships? Share your thoughts below!