BF (38m) refuses to split bills proportional to income with me (33F) despite our big gap in income?
A Reddit user (33F) shares her frustration with her boyfriend (38M) regarding their financial arrangement. Despite a significant income gap—her earning $47k and him making $115k—they split bills equally, which has led to financial strain on her.
She has to rely on food banks to afford rent in Seattle, while he spends freely on things like gym memberships. When she suggested a more proportional approach to bill-splitting, he refused, arguing that he works harder and deserves to keep his extra money.
She feels like he is treating her more like a roommate than a partner, especially after he insisted they move apartments and had her shoulder the full cost of breaking the lease early. Read the full story below to understand the emotional and financial challenges she’s facing in her relationship.
‘ BF (38m) refuses to split bills proportional to income with me (33F) despite our big gap in income?’
Right now my boyfriend of ten years makes 115k and I make 47k and bills are split evenly except for a $37 discount per week in exchange for one extra hour of housecleaning on my part. I thought about it and feel it would be better for things to be more proportional so we could live a similar lifestyle.
I’ve been going to food banks to afford rent in Seattle where he insists on living because it gives him access to a high paying tech job and his family and friends are close by (I have no friends and my family lives states away).
My monthly rent is $1,600 after the $150/month discount in exchange for cleaning, which is financially irresponsible given my income level. We split the test of the utilities etc. bills right down the middle.
We are already living a different lifestyle – he spends hundreds of dollars on gym memberships each month for instance, which isn’t in my budget. I asked him as a hypothetical if he would still have me pay for half of bills if he were to make 300k a month and he said yes.
He said he would take the extra money and retire before me. He says “why should I just give you my money” and justifies this by saying he makes more because he works harder and has a more stressful job.
What particularly bothered me was recently we moved into an apartment he hated so he insisted on breaking the lease early, one month after moving in, and I told him that although I also didn’t like it, I would prefer to stay there because I couldn’t afford the extra several thousand dollars of expense to move early.
Well he said we had to move because he couldn’t take it, but he is having me pay the full half of those costs. I’m feeling like he’s not being a good partner. It feels like he’s treating me like nothing more than a roommate.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
rach-mtl − I’m going to be blunt. It sounds like he doesn’t even like you
onedayatatime08 − So.. you tell him that you need to move to a place that you can afford, if he absolutely wants to split down the middle. And if he complains, ask him why you should have to pay for an expensive apartment that only HE wants. Because that’s what it is.
UnusualPotato1515 − This guy hates you. I cant imagine someone treating a partner of ten years as callously as he does knowing your income disparity. You can do alot better than this awfully selfish guy!
xoxosayounara − I think you know what you need to do — leave. You said it yourself, he treats you like a roommate and nothing more. The man is using you to subsidize his lifestyle and early retirement.
I shudder to think of what would happen if you were to have children together. You’d still be responsible for half the rent while raising his child and… trading childcare for discounts? You deserve so much better.
Ozzie_Bloke − I’d move in with roommates or leave town and go back home as he isn’t treating you like a life partner. Sounds more like a bang maid or sugar baby arrangement where he just uses money to control you.
He obviously sees you broke and suffering and doesn’t care. Does he at least plan to marry you so money can be fairly distributed? Doubt it he will just d**p you once looks start to. Fade.
thejexorcist − Would you stay with a **roommate** who took unfair financial advantage of you and **actively** made your life harder? I wouldn’t, I certainly would stay with a partner who made my life worse and more difficult.
ScammerC − If he wants 50/50 then he has to live within *your* means, not his. You set out your budget, which includes room for your savings and go from there. But it doesn’t matter really.
He’s already proven that his money is his money and your money is his money too by forcing you to cover the lease break fee he wants, and setting your wages for cleaning his home.
DuckSaxaphone − So many things in this make your bf sound awful as a partner and a person. I earn much more than my partner so we split our joint expenses in such a way that we both have the same money left over. Why? Because I love her and want to enjoy a life together.
So I’ve got no interest in living within her means and having loads of money left for saving or spending frivolously nor in watching her struggle to live within my means. Instead, I pay way more than her and we both live really comfortably. Is that fair?
I think so but I actually don’t really care because it’s the only practical way to live with a partner – not just share a home but really live a full life together. Now before you’re married or living as married, he might want to keep more of his money and that’s fine but there are better ways than making you pay half.
For example, I used to make my overpayments to our lifestyle by paying more of the mortgage. If we’d broken up, the understanding was I’d take my share of the equity back. Your partner could pay for the entire house you live in if you’re not ready for lifelong commitment yet.
Also “he earns more because he works harder” is a crock of s**t. I’m in tech, our salaries are made up, it’s knowledge work so we’re paid for our experience not to work hard. I work much, much less than my partner and she earns half my salary.
darkenough812 − He’s a POS and doesn’t give a s**t about you. Watching a partner of 10 years struggle and go to*food banks* while he’s living large and completely refusing to help is actually so cruel. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years too and I make more than he does and I would absolutely never treat him this way, not even close.
My money is his money and vice versa, that’s how it should be. If I made as much as your bf did, I would try to live in as low of cost of living area as possible so my husband wouldn’t even have to work, I’d want that for him.
You should honestly break up with this guy, if after 10 years he is still like this then he will never change. God forbid if you ever had kids together, he obviously wouldn’t take care of you
Lacking_Inspiration − He’s an a**hole. I would let him know that you are simply unable to keep up with how he wants to live and that if there is not a more equitable splitting of expenses you will be moving somewhere you can afford to actually live a life.
Do you want children? What happens when you are on maternity leave? Or want to stay home with the baby for a few years? Is he going to present you with a bill to pay back? Control your access to funds. This is financial abuse. Equitable doesn’t always mean equal.
Do you think the Reddit user’s request for proportional bill-splitting is fair, or should she compromise given her boyfriend’s financial perspective? How would you handle the situation if you were in her shoes, balancing love and financial fairness? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!