I (29F) set a boundary about marriage, but I’m worried my boyfriend (35M) has no intention of proposing—What should I do?

A Reddit user (29F) shares her concerns about her relationship with her boyfriend (35M) of five years. They’ve been together through significant life changes, including the birth of their child, but marriage has always been important to her.

Despite having worked on the issues he raised over a year ago, her boyfriend has not mentioned marriage again, and the deadline she set for a proposal is fast approaching.

She is unsure whether to bring up the topic again or wait to see if he follows through with her boundary of moving out if he doesn’t propose by the end of the year. Read the original story below to explore the full context of her dilemma.

‘ I (29F) set a boundary about marriage, but I’m worried my boyfriend (35M) has no intention of proposing—What should I do?’

My boyfriend (35M) and I (29F) have been together for five years and have a one-year-old daughter.  Marriage has always been important to me, and my boyfriend was fully aware of this.

Initially, I thought the delay in getting married was because we were buying a house and our unexpected but completely wanted pregnancy, which led to a lot of financial strain. However, when I was seven months pregnant, he expressed concerns about our relationship.

He said he wanted to get married eventually but felt we needed to address some issues first. That conversation happened over a year ago, and since then, I’ve worked hard on improving myself as a person, mother, and partner.

I believe I’ve addressed most, if not all, of the concerns he raised, but he still hasn’t mentioned marriage at all. When we decided to work on our relationship, I made it clear that marriage is my ultimate goal and I would like a decision by the end of the year.

I feel like I’ve been transparent about my expectations and have done everything I can to contribute to the relationship. I haven’t brought up the topic of marriage again because I believe he knows how I feel and what my timeline is.

However, I have a gut feeling that he has no intention of proposing before the end of the year.I want to make this work for the sake of our daughter, but I’m not interested in continuing a relationship where there’s no commitment.

Any advice? Should I bring it up, risking the possibility of “ruining” a potential surprise proposal? Or should I stay silent and, if he hasn’t proposed by the end of the year, follow through with my boundary of moving out?

 

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

leye-zuh −  You had his baby. Nothing you can do will ever be enough for this guy. He just doesn’t want to marry you

LittleCats_3 −  He’s 35, if he wanted to propose and marry you, he would have already done it. You own an house together, have been together for 5 years and most importantly have a child together; every one of these are huge life decisions. He either can’t give or won’t give you the one thing you want.

Either way this is a choice he’s made for years and you unfortunately aren’t going to change his mind. Is an ultimatum the way you want to start a marriage? I imagine you never thought marriage was going to be about pressuring him down the aisle but about a person loving you so much they can’t wait to be married to you and tie your lives together legally.

Everything else you have is what a marriage is about. If it’s important to you I would talk to him about it now so you know if he actually wants to marry or not. Don’t wait for a surprise.

CharacterInternet123 −  You had a child after years being together and it wasn’t enough to marry you. It’s not you, it’s him. I would start making my exit.

DoMilk −  I think it says a lot that you two haven’t been having regular check ins on the progress you’ve both been making as a couple, where he’s at, where your at, and how those expectations are or aren’t being met, and checking in on his feelings about a deadline and what that looks like as time goes on.

Just. Wow. He said once what he wanted, you said once that you wanted marriage in a year, and then just… never spoke of it again.
You feel like you’ve made progress but literally have no idea if he feels the same or has more thoughts to share.

Haunting-Ebb-7111 −  Yeah, he’s not going to propose. And, I find it humorous that you had work to do. Has he worked on himself, or was he already Mr. Perfect? Pretty cruel of him to talk about issues while you are 7 months pregnant. Sounds like someone wasn’t too sure about anything that was happening. Plan on leaving.

MuppetManiac −  My advice is to get your ducks in a row and consult a real estate lawyer about forcing the sale of the house.

bippityboppitynope −  If he wanted to marry you he would have done it before having a child and getting a house with you. Sorry to say, but you don’t do wife s**t for a boyfriend.

tdasnowman −  Sounds like you two haven’t done the most fundamental thing and work on your communication with each other.

TheLoneliestGhost −  He doesn’t want to marry you. I’m sorry. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t even value you enough to take you seriously. Speak with a lawyer about how best to move forward. Quit saying you’ll leave it all up to him with the house, etc.

That’s how you got here in the first place. He can tell you’re desperate and have low self esteem so he’ll dangle marriage forever if you let him.. Quit making excuses for him.

Do you think the Reddit user’s boundary regarding marriage is reasonable, or should she give her boyfriend more time to propose? How would you handle a situation where you feel your relationship isn’t progressing the way you hoped? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!