Struggling to find my (28F) place in my friend group?

One person from Reddit is feeling out of place in their longtime friend group after changes in dynamics, particularly with the breakup of a close friend and the addition of more couples.

Now, they’re questioning whether to attend a holiday party solo, fearing they’ll be the odd one out. Should they go and risk feeling uncomfortable, or stay away to avoid potential awkwardness? Read the story below for advice on how to navigate this tough situation.

‘ Struggling to find my (28F) place in my friend group?’

I (28F) hate that I have to post this, but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone directly involved. This might sound very high school, but to give some context, everyone involved in this story is in their mid-to-late 20s. Over the past few years, my friend group has changed a lot.

We’re a mix of locals who’ve known each other since high school and transplants who joined through college or relationships. The group is mostly couples — about 13-15 people in total, give or take relationship statuses. I’m a transplant who was brought into the group about a decade ago through the person I was dating at the time.

We broke up after a few years, and while they moved on from the group, I stayed close with several people, particularly a girl named G. I also introduced an outside friend of mine, L, to one of the guys in the group, and they started dating.

Another of L’s friends joined when she started dating one of the other guys. So, while the group’s dynamic has always been mostly couples, I still felt like I had a solid place — until recently. A few months ago, the group’s “core couple” split up. G and her boyfriend, W, broke up, and G left the group entirely.

This left me feeling a bit out of place, especially since I started dating someone outside the group, who doesn’t always attend group events. Over time, more couples were added to the group through their college or hometown connections with others in the group.

Now, I feel like I’m the only “single” person, and I’m not sure where I fit in, especially if my partner isn’t there. I’m still in the main group chat and included in discussions, but I often feel left out. The guys will make plans in separate chats and then the girlfriends get invited, but I rarely get a direct invitation.

I don’t think I’m being purposefully left out — I just don’t think anyone thinks about me. Now to the current question: My friend group is hosting a holiday party on Friday. The plans were made in the main group chat, and at first, I couldn’t attend due to other commitments.

But those got canceled, so now I can go — except my partner won’t be able to come with me. This means I’d be the only single person, aside from W, who’s so integrated into the group that I don’t feel like I can count him as “single.” I’m questioning whether I should even go.

I don’t want to feel awkward or like people are whispering about me being the odd one out. They included me in the chat and on the social media invite for the party, but I wonder if it was just out of politeness, assuming I wouldn’t be able to make it.

I’m worried that if I do go, people might be disappointed or annoyed that I’m there without a partner. I need to give my final RSVP today, and I’m torn. On the one hand, they wouldn’t have discussed it in the chat in front of me if I wasn’t invited in the first place, but on the other hand, I don’t want to make things uncomfortable.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

helendestroy −  This means I’d be the only single person, aside from W, who’s so integrated into the group that I don’t feel like I can count him as “single.” Can you categorise yourself the same way you categorise W?

Because unless he’s dating the group… That said, if you think people are annoyed by your presence, you might need a new friend group, or therapy.

tdasnowman −  Seems like most of this is in your head. You’re not single. Not sure why you would see yourself as single just because your partner isn’t there. I have friends where we rarely see thier partners.

This is how large groups work. Communication is messy. If you plan on sticking around with the group and nothing here that says you shouldn’t. Maybe you need to do a little more work to reach out.

Flat_Health_5206 −  I don’t get it, you say you have a partner but then call yourself single like thirty times in a row. Which is it? 😀

It’s tough to feel like an outsider in a friend group, especially when the dynamic has shifted over time. Do you think the user should attend the party to maintain connections, or should they opt out if they’re feeling uncomfortable being the only single one? How would you approach a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!