Is This Relationship Worth Saving After Everything That Happened?

A man (early 20s) met a woman on Instagram in October 2023 and began dating her by December. The relationship started well, but miscommunication arose when she assumed he shared her religious views.

Financial struggles, including the cost of visits and gifts, further strained things, and he hinted at needing help without directly asking. She expressed interest in marriage within three years, which stressed him out.

He ended the relationship three times, only to regret it each time and convince her to give it another shot. After a recent breakup, they agreed on a week of no contact to reflect. He feels ashamed of oversharing their struggles with friends and family and is now questioning whether the relationship is worth saving. read the original story below…

‘ Is This Relationship Worth Saving After Everything That Happened?’

We met on Instagram in October 2023, officially dated by December. She lives 70 km (43 miles) away, and I’d drive 50 minutes weekly for dates. First 6 months were great, but we hit a miscommunication: she’s religious and assumed I was too.

I told her I might even convert (out of love), but later realized I wasn’t being honest with myself. This hurt her, but she wanted to try anyway.Financially, I struggled. Gas, dates, and gifts drained my €5000 savings. I hinted about this, expecting her to offer help (e.g., taking the train), but she didn’t.

Recently, she said she would’ve helped if I had just communicated it better. She also mentioned wanting marriage in 3 years (costly in our culture), which stressed me even more.

The Breakups: I ended things 3 times over the past months, feeling drained and o**rwhelmed. Each time, I regretted it and convinced her to try again. This week, I ended it for the third time (via text) and blocked her to avoid second-guessing. We spoke today and agreed to take 7 days with no contact to reflect.

Oversharing: I’ve overshared with friends and family about our relationship struggles. Now, they know about all 3 breakups, which makes me feel ashamed and influences how I see things.

My Question: Can a relationship like this—full of broken trust, miscommunication, and repeated breakups—still work? Or have we done too much damage?.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

fatherballoons −  You’ve been through a lot with this relationship, and the issues are still unresolved. You already broken up multiple times, and each time you’ve regretted it and gotten back together, which shows that neither of you is fully addressing the root causes.

You’re feeling drained while she’s not picking up on your needs, which creates a serious imbalance. Relationships take effort from both sides, and if one person isn’t meeting you halfway or if the same issues keep repeating without real change, it’s time to stop the cycle.

It’s time to move on, reflect, and focus on yourself before getting involved again. I geniunely think breaking up is the healthiest choice for the both of you.

MrCorvid −  The big thing to remember is, What do you need from the relationship. What does she need from the relationship. Can you both give each other that without giving up something important to your life? Any communication issue can be resolved.

Once you learn what’s preventing you from communicating on a specific thing, it’s no longer an issue, instead it’s about adopting better habits that prevent the issues from happening again. This is the nature of committing to someone.

Can you marry her? Can she deal with you not being religious? What if she wants to raise your kids as religious? Things like this are what you need to consider. All relationships die in the first several years from s**(and children), money, or religion(in all it’s forms). You either reconcile these core life choices together or you don’t, and that’s your answer.

mooseplainer −  Once trust is broken, it’s really hard to get back. Not impossible, just difficult. Mostly because trust isn’t just not lying, I’ve had trust issues with friends when we were never dishonest with each other,

but trust is about feeling comfortable having difficult conversations, and the best way to build trust is to just trust the person unconditionally. That last point is why it’s really hard to recover once trust is broken.

I think your case, you won’t be the exception who works it out. You’ve broken up thrice, patterns just keep repeating, your goals and faith aren’t aligned, and it sounds very one sided when it comes to financial investment in the relationship. The deck is already really stacked against you two.

But if you want to try and prove me wrong, I don’t blame you, but here’s what needs to happen: You two need to sit down and air all your feelings, everything you are both upset about. Focus on your feelings,

IE, “I feel it is unfair how I need to spend 5000 euros to see you and you’re unwilling to meet me partway,” as opposed to, “I’ve spent 5,000 on you and what have you done?” And have serious talk about what your respective goals are.

You also need to understand and communicate why you keep breaking up and you each need to make an effort to break that cycle. So basically, you need an honest talk and be able to communicate what you need from each other to break that cycle, and then you need to be able to trust each other unconditionally. If you can do all that, you might have a chance.

stuckinnowhereville −  Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.

Prestigious-Bar5385 −  I would definitely end it. You’ve already broken up 3 times in just a year.

iSoReddit −  Can a relationship like this—full of broken trust, miscommunication, and repeated breakups—still work? Or have we done too much damage?. No, too many breakups

It sounds like there’s been a lot of emotional ups and downs, and both of you need time and clarity. Have you had discussions around expectations, finances, and mutual respect? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!