Advice to fix marriage before full seperation
A Reddit user shared a deeply emotional situation in his marriage where both he and his wife have been struggling to communicate, leading to falling out of love and feelings of being overwhelmed. After a series of personal and family challenges—including the near-death of their son.
The death of their dog, and the stress of managing work and family life—the couple is now at a crossroads. Despite attempts to reconcile, including therapy, the user is unsure how to save the relationship. Read the full story below…
‘ Advice to fix marriage before full seperation ‘
**TL;DR; Hi everyone, my wife (27f) and I (28m) have been together for 8 years and married for 6. We hit a rough patch this year to due how terrible its been for us. Both had issues communicating leading to both of us at one point or another falling out of love. Any advice to me to try and fix things before we permanently separate would be great. **
My 2 year old son almost died 3 weeks into the year. On our 3 daycare due to various issues. Our dog we raised together died 2 months after. Our house got broken into. Friends all moved away. Additionally, my son has been really rough in us lately, specifically her.
I briefly feel out of love with her 9 months ago due feeling like she is never around since our child was born. I sat her down and told her a 6 months prior to this that I was feeling overloaded doing everything myself and her never having days off that allows us to do things as a family.
We finally pushed work for a weekend day off but it only lasted a month before new management came in and took away all assistant mangers weekends. I felt like things were briefly at a place where things were working for me.
When the change cam I asked if she would consider leaving and she laughed at me. (She works retail and has worked at the same place for about 5 years) I got she likes working at this company but this really hurt me.
Shortly after we fostered a dog that during the fishing period hurt our kid alot on accident. Being the primary caregiver and working full time I felt like the puppy added to much stress on my plate and after 2 weeks asked if we could not adopt and wait to look at getting another dog.
She begged to keep this one and I put the condition that she needs to set up professional fog training that I would pay for. She never did, he has become slightly better but in general really overload me. Onto briefly falling out of love and to the present. For about the last 12 months more so last 9, I felt really overloaded and alone.
I go to bed alone 3 to 4 times a week due to her working late. I started having little freak out when the dog hurt my kid and/or feeling o**rwhelmed. Mostly when she was actually around because I had one more thing to care for/her presence makes my child more emotional.
I tried figuring out how to feel deal with the quick raw emotional outburst but nothing was really working. 2 months ago I discussed it with my doctor and we started treating for major depression issues and the outburst have completely stopped. The outburst were less than 20 second of reaction.
However my wife said they really tuned her off from me, made her scared, and slowly made her fall out of love. About a month ago I accidently found her texting a coworker things that bordered a emotional affair but more so made me extremely uncomfortable.
She immediately went into I’ll leave and prep divorce mode without really expressing interest in working things out. During one of our talks she said she feel out of love 6 months ago. Since that event she has been deliberating whether or not to stay and work on things or separate.
During this time we were both extremely affectionate, had long talks everyday about everything, long hugs, and honesty. Things came to a head in Thursday where I asked to her to in the other room because I felt o**rwhelmed from feeling unloved and confused why she was putting so much thought and effort into someone she said she didn’t love.
Friday she told me she was to start seperation in the house. But still seems shaky about it. Sunday I asked her to sleep in bed with me and we spent the night together. My question is how do I fight for her? I been shower her things will be different but she doesn’t see a future where we can be happy.
She feels extreme guilt for hurting me. I felt guilt for my behavior. But I’m also worried she will never have a work like balance. I want to make compromises and change to accept the person she is becoming but I’m worried ill push her away if I don’t respect her space.
I know I fucked up. Ik she fucked up. We have counseling shedule for this week but idk what she nor I expect to come from it. Insight into this situation would be great.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
blumoon138 − What the f**k is wrong with your wife. Your foster dog hurt your kid and she wants to keep it? No. No. Absolutely not. That dog needs to go.
luniiz01 − Maybe I’m dense but how is everything your fault? What is she doing go fix the relationship? She is extremely dismissive and has even cheated…. Like..??
decaturbob − – at this point the only way forward possible is couples counseling might be too late. Counseling only works with complete and open discussions. You can not hold back
Academic-Ad8963 − I didn’t read your post in detail but I skimmed through most parts. Communication seems to be a problem in your marriage. It will solve most of your problems. I also see you have too much on your plates to focus on each other.
A human can only handle a certain amount of external stress until it becomes too overbearing. Eliminate unnecessary responsibilities.
Your son is still young, you can get him help like someone at school or a babysitter so it alleviates some a stress off you and your wife.
Has he been tested for autism or adhd for his behaviour? Sometimes, kids act out if they aren’t given the proper help they need if they have a diagnosis. Once one of you, or both, have fallen out of love or checked out, it’s nearly impossible to repair that.
Both have to be fully invested for it to work. It sounds like your wife has already started seeking external attention from other people which is a first step to separation/and or divorce.
Tell her you want to fight for her. Set up a plan of what you intend to do to keep her. Plan weekly date nights, a special getaway, maybe you need to start over and move to another city or town if you’re able to transfer jobs.. Good luck to you both
RefrigeratorBoth8608 − Read your post and explain to me how any of that is love. She cheated on you. Didn’t care about your stress and added more to your plate. You’ve gone through something no parent should ever go through.
This is not a good relationship for you. Fixing it requires work on both sides, but tell me. Can you unhear her falling out of love with you? Can you unsee her being inappropriate with another man? Why do you want to fight for a relationship that’s made you miserable?
Do you think the user is doing the right thing by trying to fight for his marriage, or is it time for both partners to move on and focus on themselves? What changes do you think both of them could make to improve their relationship? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!