How close would you be ok with your partner being to his female best friend?

A woman (26F) is feeling jealous about her partner’s (30M) close friendship with his female best friend, Alice (30F). Although her partner reassures her that there’s no attraction between them and they’ve discussed their relationship in the past, she feels uncomfortable with the fact that all their meetings are alone and that he confided in her during his past breakup.

She has tried to include Alice by inviting her to social gatherings, but it hasn’t happened. She’s seeking advice on whether her feelings are an overreaction. read the original story below…

‘ How close would you be ok with your partner being to his female best friend ?’

Hello! Need a tiny bit of insight, because I can’t help over analyzing. My (26f) partner (30m) has a female best friend (30f). So far so good – for me, a guy having female best friends used to be a green flag. I think it’s a good sign that he can see women as people and usually respects them.

However, in this relationship I have noticed myself becoming jealous. This is due to the fact that I have only met this best friend – let’s call her “Alice” – once. On a short car ride. All other meetings with her have always been him and her alone. Granted, they don’t see each other often. They’re both busy.

But I’ve made an effort and suggested to invite her to our apartment and have a nice get together multiple times. (I would actually love this, because I want to make more friends in this city! I think it would be lovely!) But it has never happened, they only meet up alone to go out for drinks.

I have told boyfriend how I feel about it. He has always taken the time to assure me that there is zero mutual attraction and that they even talked about getting together once and then mutually decided against it.

Adding to this is that he has told me he has talked with her when his last relationship was getting rocky and she has helped him through it and helped him through the breakup. I don’t know why but that makes me extremely uncomfortable.

The thought of him talking with somebody else about our relationship problems is making my stomach turn. In essence: Am I overreacting? And any tips on how to deal are greatly appreciated <3

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Missy1726 −  How long have you been dating? Generally speaking keeping a friend away from your partner is weird imo regardless of the gender.

Manners2210 −  Ummm I dunno, my lady has a good male friend since school. They talk fairly often, not every day I don’t think but I know they barely meet up, due to life. Just like I have a really good woman friend since we were 17 and we’re late 30s now with careers, partners, kids.

We back and forth for a short while via text every couple weeks but try and meet up a few times a year. I don’t really think about her relationship with the guy, not really trying to meet up with him (I have met him a couple times briefly) and she kinda leaves me to it with my friend.

If I felt something was off, I’d voice it and say why, but that’s never been the case. I don’t really read anything here that causes alarm, but that’s me, maybe I’m too trusting, but I don’t really see anything that would make me concerned. You can raise your issues, but to get your point across, it’s best to be very clear about why you feel the way you do.

OnceUponAStargazer −  I don’t really care about how close he is with his friends, regardless of gender. I want him to have friends and have someone to talk to and hang with that isn’t just me and our kids.

Now, granted, we started out long distance about six years ago and he only moved here about seven months ago, so trust has been a big must in our relationship. He doesn’t have any close female friends, though it would not be an issue for me if he did.

I have multiple close male friends, though all online. I have always been very loving with my friends, male or female, and there’s always lots of “I love you”s and lots of hearts and all that.

About two months ago, I was showing the fiancé a conversation between me and one of my closest male friends, and he voiced a discomfort with all the lovey-dovey-ness of it.

Now, he knows how I am with my friends as we were best friends for years before getting together, and he did not ask me to stop texting my friends like that. He simply just communicated discomfort, and I made the decision to tone it down, because that’s what you do in a relationship.

Your partner not seeming willing to ease your discomfort by either having his friend come over or letting you come with when they hang out, seems kind of weird to me.

I won’t suggest that there’s something going on between them because I do not know them and can’t make an assumption based off of one side of the story, but I would be taking issue with the fact that he doesn’t think your discomfort is a big deal.

RTPNick −  In my opinion, if your boyfriend knows you are uncomfortable, he would try to alleviate your concerns. What is the friend’s relationship status? Is it your boyfriend or his best friend who doesn’t want to hang out?

apple_cores −  One of my exes left me for a friend. They would go to the gym together, get food and drinks, etc. I had a nagging feeling there was more but he always assured me they were just friends.

I only briefly met her because she was going out of state for school and they got closer when she was home during Covid. Now, I agree it’s great to have friendships of the opposite s**. Personally I have zero interest in any of my male friends.

Sometimes people also don’t want to mesh friend groups for multiple reasons. I do think it’s odd for him not to have you over at least or invite you out with her at least here and there.

It could be they’re discussing their relationships – if that makes you uncomfortable, ask your bf if they’re discussing your relationship and draw a line at what you’ll tolerate.

kickie10 −  I don’t really see any of this as an issue. My spouse and I both have close friends of the opposite s**. If he had one he only saw every 6 months (for example) I wouldn’t really question why he would like to just get drinks and be able to talk with her one on one.

It’s also possible there is some other reason she doesn’t want to come to the house, such as location, allergies, etc. I usually remember to tell my hubby if I have lunch with my ex-fiancee, but sometimes I don’t even manage to tell him after the fact. When I have, he really doesn’t care.

You either trust someone or you don’t. No amount of worrying about it or trying to control someone is going to change that. I do feel like your feeling that you don’t want him talk with her about relationship issues could be hypocritical…are you saying you don’t tell ANY of your friends or family when you are experiencing some sort of challenge? Why would he be unable to do the same?

f50c13t1 −  It’s all contextual and whether there’s enough transparency and honesty between the two of you. And that goes both ways. Regardless of how long they have been friends, it’s reasonable to expect that he would provide reassurance about his relationship, and you can equally voice how his relationship with her makes you feel.

Expressing a feeling isn’t requesting for something to change (unless of course something needs to change, for instance, acting outside boundaries). Because he has communicated and clarified the nature of this friendship, have you explored more what bothers you about this friendship?

Do you feel insecure? Do you feel like he’s not being honest? Do you feel like there are some things that they talk about that you don’t like? If you can explore the discomfort, you’ll be able to work with him through that.

Despite what you might read around about being a “you” problem, when people are into a relationship, they should both look at what they can do to support their partners instead of having to think that this is drama.

OG_Yaz −  I have a set of friends who are couples. I’ve been alone with both husbands without hanky panky. I’m not interested in either, nor are they interested in me. Last time I visited one couple down in NC, wife friend had husband friend drive me to my hotel I booked 30 minutes away.

Guess what we did when alone??? We chatted and laughed about different topics. I think you’re overthinking. If you don’t trust him, let him go.

blumoon138 −  My husband has a number of close woman friends. I’ve never had to set boundaries because he is transparent about those relationships and excited for me to know ALL of his friends, even if they sometimes hang out without me.

Do you think her feelings are justified? How would you handle a situation like this in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!