Should I make contact with a half-sibling I never knew after 35 years?

A woman (43F) recently discovered that she has a half-sister (38ish F) from her father, whom she never got to know due to being kept away from his side of the family. After learning that her father did want a relationship with her, she began searching for him and, in the process, found her half-sister.

To her surprise, they’ve lived close to each other for years, and their children go to the same school without knowing they’re cousins. The woman is now unsure whether to reach out to her half-sister, especially since it seems she’s going through a tough time. read the original story below…

‘ Should I make contact with a half-sibling I never knew after 35 years?’

I (43F) have a younger half-sister (38ish F) from my dad (72M) after my parents’ divorce. I’ve known about her but never got to know her because I was kept from my dads side of the family being told he was ‘bad for me’. I recently found out after 35 years of no contact that he *did want to be a part of my life*.

I wish this was told to me so much younger, so I could have made the decision about him being a ‘bad dad’ on my own, but I didn’t get that chance. So after learning he did want me in his life, I started searching online for him. I know his age and he could have passed away by now.

I haven’t found much on him, but I did find my half-sister. I am 100% positive it is her. Turns out, we have lived pretty close our whole lives. Which really sucks I was denied knowing my dad and didn’t get to know my sister.

Since I don’t know her, I had to be a little bit of a creepster and look at her social media, trying to find information on our dad. After a bit of scrolling, I realized that she has kids and *her kids go to school with my kids*! Wtf?!

I recognized the school logo and did a little more digging, and sure enough, they really do go to school together. Our kids are literally seeing each other every day. They are cousins and don’t even know it. Beyond that weirdness, I can tell from her social media posts that she isn’t in a good place right now.

I don’t have any idea what to do with this information. This is definitely not where I thought my search for my dad would take me. I wanted to know if my dad had passed away and found a whole different can of worms. I’m not sure if I should open it. I’m still processing this and don’t know what I feel. What should I do? Should I reach out to her?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

RobertMurz −  It’s not a bad idea to contact her but don’t go into it with your expectations set too high. You say that she’s not in a good place right now. If she feels that adding a sudden half-sibling into her life right now isn’t what she needs then you need to be prepared to accept that.

If you can’t take a no then you probably shouldn’t contact her. If you can then go for it.

Dear-Gift8764 −  No one can tell you what to do, but let me offer you a different perspective. Seven years ago when I was pregnant with my son, I got a Facebook message from a woman claiming to be the half Sister of a brother I didn’t even know I had.

I told her she must be confused and that she had me mistaken for somebody else. Two weeks later, I get a group text message from my father. Long story short it turns out I did in fact have a half brother from a relationship my father had right before the relationship with my mother that resulted in my oldest sister.

I was 29 at this point, but the super messed up part was that my brother had been murdered four years prior to me finding out about his existence so there was no chance for me to know him in addition to that it turns out he had children so I had nieces and nephews.

I was only finding out because the children had been placed in the system, and the mother had lost custody. It eats at my soul every day. I know some family is toxic.

I know that it’s difficult, but I think that you’d regret not trying to have a relationship versus having a relationship and then it not working out for whatever reason. Family is important and you can judge whether it’s a healthy situation as you go along, but I think you owe it to yourself and your sibling to give it a try.

ed_lv −  I would reach out, but be ready for her to reject you and if she does don’t push it. Best case scenario, she’s thrilled to see you and you two develop a close sibling relationship. Worst case scenario she tells you she hates you and never wants to hear from you again.

Realistically, you can expect something in the middle, but it’s absolutely worth reaching out.

22ndCenturyDB −  If she’s not in a good place right now, you should probably leave her alone. Maybe when her life is a bit more in order you can gently reach out, but if it will only add to her stresses, don’t do it.

Blonde-Beach-13 −  Yes I did this at 19 and it changed my life for the better

Suzeli55 −  If you reach out, be careful of what kind of bad place she is in.

decaturbob −  – what do you have to lose here vs what do you have to gain? Its pretty clear reaching out can benefit all of you

What would you do in this situation? Should she contact her half-sister, or is it better to leave it for now? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!