AITA for telling my sister in law that she is the reason my brother is sick?

A woman (30) told her sister-in-law that her financial habits contributed to her brother’s (44) health issues after he became sick from overwork. The brother, facing financial difficulties partly due to his wife’s spending, returned to work prematurely.

When confronted, the sister-in-law accused the family of not doing enough and later escalated tensions by saying their mother would no longer see her grandchildren. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my sister in law that she is the reason my brother is sick? ‘

My brother (44) got sick at work with sunstroke and dehydration, so he called me (F30) to get him to the hospital. He was admitted overnight but sent home the next day and he went back to work.

Same day, late night, my sister in law called my mom (who lives with me) and yelled at her that he was worse and it was our fault because we didn’t leave him at the hospital. He didn’t want to stay in the hospital because he didn’t have the money for it.

Also, if he don’t work, he don’t get paid, and they are in a tough financial situation because of her creditcards and can likely be evicted because their home loan isn’t paid. So I told her that she is the reason my brother went back to work too soon because she spends too much money they don’t have.

She also is a stay at home mom. Now she sent my Mom a long email telling her she won’t ever see her grandchildren again and she is the worst Grandma in the world for siding with me.. So am I the a**hole?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA; sometimes, you need to truth bomb someone who lacks self awareness. Having said so, I think that the person who your SIL needed to talk to/with is your brother, not you. Right now, all that you have is an angry SIL and a sick brother, with no plans on how to deal with their finances and/or their future.

All things considered, redirecting the conversation to include the two principles, and recommending that they have an adult conversation about their finances may have been the wiser course of action.

NameNumberUnderscore −  NTA. You can’t make a grown man stay somewhere he doesn’t want to be. You told the truth and his Wife didn’t like that, so she’s taking it out on your Mother to try and hurt her but also drive a between between both of you.

Major_Friendship4900 −  Tbh It was your brother’s fault for not caring for himself while at work.

daydreamer19861986 −  NTA but I don’t think you are correct. Your brother is in a relationship with her because HE choses to be. So even though she is a terrible spouse its up to him to live his life how he choses to live.

Drebkay −  Info:. Which is it? Was he “sent home” by the hospital ? Or did he ask to be discharged? How many kids do they have? What ages? If they are young, who is going to help with child care? I mean, your SIL is objectively NOT the reason your brother is sick.

So you are wrong about that… but being wrong about something doesn’t make you an a**hole. But I don’t see any helpful suggestions being offered. Just finger pointing and blaming. I mean, what did she used to do for work? It may make far more financial sense for her to be a stay at home mom. Also, What is she wasting money on?

Embarrassed-Sale5551 −  Esh. Why would you say something so mean? A better response would have just been: ” It was your husband who wanted to go home so you better speak with him,”. She did not ask for an advice. 

Usrname52 −  YTA Their finances aren’t your business. You look down on “SAHM” like it doesn’t take two people to have kids….and if they are young kids, daycare likely costs more than he would make. You are looking down on her for not earning money, why don’t tell your brother that it’s his fault for “not having a better job”?

Also, is he keeping himself hydrated, wearing appropriate clothing, etc? If his wife is spending too much money, that’s a discussion between him and her. He needs to talk about it with her. How do you know such details about their financial situation…..if he’s just bitching to you instead of dealing with it with his wife, he’s not innocent about it.

Tessie1966 −  The reason your brother is sick is because he didn’t hydrate properly and exasperated things by not staying in the hospital. You and your SIL are playing the blame game and he is the victim? He’s a grown man, the women in his life need to stop coddling him.

Skurtz8446 −  NTA. What were you supposed to do, tie him to the hospital bed?

Ok_Chemistry6317 −  Yes, YATA. For the reason that you inserted yourself into someone else’s marriage and blew it up with a comment that let your SIL know her husband had been complaining to his family about her spending.

You have no idea if what he said is really true in the sense that it was all her running up the bills. You sound like you are jealous or judgemental about THEIR choice to have her be a SAHM and you violated your brother’s trust by making those comments to her.

It’s up to her husband to sit her down and talk about finances and draw up a budget plan. Dropping a “truth bomb” like this is a nuclear option and I’m not surprised she’s going NC with your side of the family.

It’s inappropriate and rude to make comments blaming someone for a medical event that really was your brother’s stupidity (people don’t get sunburnt and heat stroke unless they forgo common sense things like sun screen and water).

Family disagreements, especially about finances and health, can be emotionally charged. Was she justified in holding her sister-in-law accountable, or did she cross a line? Share your perspective below!