Should i just leave my boyfriend?

A 21-year-old aspiring editorial photographer is feeling bitter and jealous over her boyfriend’s sudden success in photography. Despite her years of hard work, her boyfriend has rapidly advanced in his career, and it’s creating strain in their relationship. She’s struggling with her feelings and is considering ending the relationship to avoid further resentment and harm. Read her story below and offer your thoughts on how she might handle these difficult emotions.

‘ should i just leave my boyfriend?’

TL,DR: my boyfriend of a couple years is advancing in his photography career in only a couple months when I’ve been doing this for years and I’m extremely bitter and jealous about it, it’s not getting easier no matter how I try to get over it.

Can i get advice on how to leave my partner? For context, I’m (21F) an aspiring editorial photographer. Completely self funded and self taught. The city I am from is extremely small and no opportunities at all, I had to opt to using myself as a model because there weren’t many people around with my desired style and ability. That got me into self portraits.

I’ve gotten a great deal of attention off my work online through my self portraits and creative concepts. However, earlier this year I crashed my car and had to move out and so my priorities shifted from my creative career to housing and transportation and now when it comes to my work I’m creating much slowly and have been feeling disconnected from who I am as an artist. It’s been hard and depressing lately.

I have a long distance boyfriend (19M), he never really had a life purpose which would have him lost or whatever but then he got inspired by my love of photography and decided to pursue it. He now has a job at a photography studio in the big city he lives in getting top tier training, access to amazing equipment, gets paid more than me weekly, just bought a much nicer camera with more equipment, and is moving up at his job and about to start doing concept projects of his own to build his portfolio.

I am so bitter and jealous, and I hate feeling that way. It’s not a good space to be in and makes me feel like a horrible person and partner. Of course I want to be there for him but it feels like he’s getting everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s painful to watch everyday and I dread everyday having to pretend I’m happy for him and encourage his easy success. I’m not happy about it at all.

I just want to leave so I’m not tainting the relationship any further or be a bad partner and I don’t want to hurt anymore when I should be happy. It makes me feel sick about myself. I’ve been doing this for going on 3 years and he’s already doing so much more on the daily. I hate it. I’m over it.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

2zoots −  In a relationship you’re supposed to be on a team and root for your partner to succeed. So you should probably just end the relationship.

Ziggyzaggy7 −  How about you get his advice on how he got the job and maybe he can refer you to one of the photo studios. Your feeling is totally understandable but don’t feel weird about asking his help. I’m very sure you guys are amazing photographers, and have very different photography styles. your style might take a little longer than his to be recognized by public. We’re all living in a human world, having human experiences, don’t feel bad about whatever you’re feeling. You’re so young, you have so many more years to learn, shine, and grow!

tuktukreturned −  I know that feeling of dating someone in the same profession with less experience yet making more money and in a higher ranking position. What you are feeling is totally valid, and I think it’s completely fair to want to break things off since you know you have toxic feelings about the relationship and want to focus on your career.

Also know that your circumstances are completely different and therefore provide completely different opportunities. Bigger cities may have more career opportunities, but also a much higher cost of living. Is there someone in your city you can shadow or intern for to gain experience in other areas?

Perhaps offer to assist another photographer to diversify your skill set and build out your resume/portfolio. Go to trade events and build out your professional network—you never know what connection might lead to your next big break.

flightlessclique −  I think your feelings very understandable. If you’re miserable then leave. If you love him still and know there are qualities you like about him still, i think you should go to therapy. I think you need therapy anyway given you the pain you feel from loosing your career in photography. I’m sure you have some self worth problems stemming from that, and that needs to be addressed in therapy. Let someone help you get your life on track, it’s worth it

Admirable_Garden4839 −  i say you might as well leave because from my experience, if you’re truly happy with your partner and love them, you’d be happy for them even if they are achieving more than you, yeah you’d probably be a little jealous but you wouldn’t consider ending the relationship because of it.

what if in the future you two decided to open a studio together? that could be an option if it’s something you both have a passion for.. you’re seeing this as a negative thing when it could be something that could help your career in the future as well. but like i said, if you’re this upset by it you need to leave.

Clara__Patata −  It’s unfair for him. If you feel threatened by his success and not be happy about him, just leave. Your partner isn’t your competition. Personally I’d be happy if I was able to inspire my boyfriend who’s got nothing planned for his life. Like look, you’ve given him a sense of identity and made him discover his path, so why can’t you be happy about it?

You can try to ask him for advice or like maybe ask him if there’s opportunities in his workplace or in other places near them and then start helping each other out since you’re now both in the same fields. Relationship is about nurturing each other and celebrating each other’s victory.

I had the same immaturity when I had my first boyfriend at 17. I was a gamer that started playing ever since I was 9. When i taught him how to play the game I’ve been hyperfixating on at that time, he immediately gotten so good to it, and I was jealous. I told him about it and that’s where I realized I was the problem, because after that day, he started blaming himself and he feels bad enjoying the thing I taught him about, when all he wanted was to spend time with me.

Lunoko −  You called him an ex a month ago? Are you even sure that he got this job? It’s real? He has a portfolio? A website? You’ve seen it?

It is just hard to believe that a teenage novice would suddenly skyrocket and make big in the photography world. I mean, it could happen. But with the long distance, how competitive the photography world is and how he speaks to you given your last post..it makes me wonder if he is being completely honest. Sounds like he might be trying to crush your self-esteem. Maybe not, but it’s possible

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Yes, you should leave him. You shouldn’t feel like this in a relationship and while it sounds like personal therapy would benefit you and your self esteem, he doesn’t seem to be a very supportive partner who adds value to your life. Worse case, he might actually be trying to make your life worse. You can just text him “it’s over”. You don’t need to give him an explanation.

whatasmallbird −  I’m going to be honest, it’s LDR so how true is his stories? Like is he actually doing these things??? He’s this lucky????

breakingthebarriers −  Something is missing from this story. You are leading out some crucial relevant detail. If you love him, and don’t like limited opportunities of the city that you live in, why aren’t you there with him? Is it not that serious? Do you have someone that you’re caring for or some other reason that you must remain in the city that you’re located in?

Your jealousy towards him suggests that you can’t go be with him there, and pursue your passion in the same city as your significant other, encouraging each other and both advancing in your own artistic way. Both being photographers, you could undoubtedly, help each other out, creatively and with opportunities from connections that each of you encounter in that space.

So I guess the question that you need to be asking yourself is: What is holding you back and making you feel jealous of his success? What is the reason that you can’t share the experience with him in the same city and advance yourself as well, as you would find much more opportunity creatively in a larger city. Is it him? Is he holding you at arms length? Vise versa? Until you’re truthful about what is holding you back and causing you to resent him, you will continue to resent him.

46andready −  Yes, you should do him a huge favor and leave him.