I 20F feel like my bf 21M isn’t helping enough around our apartment?

A 20-year-old woman feels overwhelmed by the lack of help from her boyfriend (21) around their apartment. Despite having many conversations about it, he only helps with cleaning and chores when asked, and often does them half-heartedly.

She does most of the cleaning, including caring for their pets, while managing college. She wants him to take initiative but feels like she has to guide him every time, and it’s starting to feel like she’s his mom. read the original story below…

‘ I 20F feel like my bf 21M isn’t helping enough around our apartment?’

We have been together for 9 ish months now but known each other for 3 years. We haven’t even lived here a year, I always have to ask him to clean or pick up after himself. We have had many conversations about it yet it’s still so hard for him to help me maintain cleanliness.

I even feed his cat, I am caring for mine who just got neutered. My bf is sleeping still and the apartment was a disaster so I just did dishes, laundry, sweeping, litter boxes, list goes on. He works I go to college.

He’s off on weekends yet it still doesn’t get done unless I ask, but I hate asking cuz it feels like I’m his mom. How do I go about having him do this himself. I’m tired of asking but I cannot stand a mess that piles I get o**rwhelmed in my space.

Yet I can’t rely on him to do anything related to cleaning cuz if I don’t ask him, he won’t do it. Even little things like refilling items etc, I do it all, again, unless I ask him. Any advice would be appreciated, I just want more help around the apartment, we both live here yet I’m the one that maintains it most of the time.

He ofc has done chores, but he either half asses them or I have to ask him like it doesn’t feel like help if I have to ask and guide him to do it everytime.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

SugarGlitterkiss −  First, it’s not “helping”. It’s “pulling his weight”. You’ve chosen poorly. He’s not your kid or your project.

Aucurrant −  “Hey I’m moving out of you don’t start pulling your weight. Sorry but this helpless male thing isn’t attractive and I don’t need it in a partner. I’m not going to nag I’m just going to leave. And look after your damn cat.” Give him 30 days. Look for a new place.

Imaginary_Ad_6731 −  This will not change. So think about what you really want for your future, you’ll be parenting him and picking up for him the rest of your life if you do. I know many women who are married to men like this and it still doesn’t change even with kids.

LafayetteJefferson −  Break up with him. Waiting to be asked to complete basic household tasks is what children do. Neurotypical adults who expect to be reminded or asked about these things are weaponizing their incompetence.

Instead of just doing what needs done, they are ignoring it and hoping someone else will shoulder the burden. Don’t. Recognize this as a choice he is making and what that choice means: he does not care about you as much as he cares about not doing simple chores.

whatsmypassword73 −  Advice is simple, I’m old enough that every single women I know that married this dude is now divorced. Do not stay, he’s happy with his mommy bang maid who also pays bills🤩 He’s a parasite and he just wants you to do the work so he can live the dream.

Hot tip, this isn’t love, it’s not even like. Look at actions ALWAYS, words are nothing but manipulation when actions don’t align. He’s happy to steal your labour and angry for himself.. RUN.

Big-Lettuce-1567 −  Make a list of chores to be done. Make it clear to him that his lack of desire to help around the house is a deal breaker for an ongoing relationship. Shape up or ship out is the message you need to get across.. Be a bit brutal about it. Might work – I hope so .

Chelseus −  If you really love him I would give him an ultimatum “shape up or ship out”. And that includes coming up with the chores/tasks himself, not expecting you to give him a list. I’ve only seen this go one way though…

Ladyughsalot1 −  “Make a chore list for evenings and weekends and stick to it, or we won’t work out romantically” 

NoxWild −  He isn’t going to turn into a responsible man who understands how immature and unattractive he is. That’s because his mother probably did all the housework and he never lifted his hand to do a single thing. You are his mommy substitute who also has s** with him.

You chose this guy without assessing his suitability as a *real partner* to you. You chose badly, because whatever you liked about him does not make up for his laziness and how he treats you like an unpaid, unappreciated cleaning lady.. He’s not fixable.

SnooOpinions5981 −  He needs to do about half the chores or hire help. Do not stay if this does not change starting now.

It can be frustrating when you feel like you’re carrying the load in a relationship. Have you been in a similar situation, and how did you handle it? Share your thoughts below!