Do I divorced my husband or am I being dramatic?

A Redditor opened up about feeling unsupported in her marriage after facing postpartum depression, a difficult pregnancy, and the weight of being the sole breadwinner.

Now, she’s questioning if divorce is the right choice or if her emotions are clouding her judgment. Read the full story below to see the challenges she’s navigating and the love she’s struggling to hold onto.

‘ Do I divorced my husband or am I being dramatic?’

I (26F) have been married to my (30M) husband Dante for two years now, together for six years now. Not very long into our relationship I got pregnant with our first child. Dante was really happy about the pregnancy and we were inseparable ever since. (He believes that whatever is meant to happen will happen).

He has been my best friend and confidant through all these years together. We grew together. When my son was just over a year old, Dante proposed. Needless to say but I said yes. We were a family but in no rush to marry. Three years pass and we finally tie the knot.

Life is great. We communicate well, voicing our thoughts and feelings easily. We do a lot of things together. He brings me silly little presents every other day. Takes our son on mini-trips so I can have some alone time. Truly, we were best friends.

I fell pregnant with our baby girl (second child) days before our first wedding anniversary. Once again, we were both excited. The pregnancy, sadly, was horrible. I had a lot of complications and could barely function most days without throwing up air (dry heaving isn’t fun guys). He tried to help where he could but then tragedy struck.

Dante lost his job and my income (I work from home for myself) couldn’t even begin to support our needs. We moved in with his mother and sister into a house three times larger than the one we had been in (relevant later).

Things had always been tense between me and his mother (think emotional i**est on her part, he has to meet all her demands all the time or she throws fits). MIL runs a small business and Dante helps her with everything in it, doing most of the work for her, leaving me home alone with my son and my work.

No big deal. I need to be the bread winner now. We are partners, after all. Off the bat I’m expected to clean the house every day, no help from anyone else. I have to look after our son and do all of my work. If I fail to clean even a fraction, I get cussed out because who else is supposed to clean? Keep in mind I am still very sick from my pregnancy.

I take the heat, trying my best to put on multiple hats at a time, although I’m struggling. Dante is looking for work to get us out but work is scarce. So he devotes his time to his mother and the business, seeing as it feeds us. I’m fine with him being there. If it just wasn’t for our breakdown of communication.

No longer am I allowed to voice my concerns or feelings. I have to be picture perfect and happy all the time. No complaining because “what am I supposed to do about it?” Finally, our baby is born and I think, wow, I’m gonna get better now. Nope. Wrong.

Because being a f**king woman is just AMAZING. I get body slammed by postpartum depression. I stop working for three whole months because of everything. Baby. House. Cleaning. Kid. Depression. I was o**rwhelmed and didn’t know what to do anymore. No help from hubby.

Or the kind of help where he takes the baby to LET ME take a bath and then drops the baby with his mother. Our communication is non-existent by this point, not for a lack of trying on my part. He just doesn’t want to listen or learn, I guess. I want to slit my wrists but resist the urge because I feel I’m just being dramatic.

Except… he does the opposite of what I like to do for our second anniversary. Instead of just me and him, maybe with the kids, out for an hour or two, no. What little money he gets (government funding) he goes and organizes a BBQ with the entire family.

Ladies and gentlemen, his mother doesn’t like me, his sister is odd towards me and I am an INTROVERT. He put zero thought into our anniversary (thinks he just wanted to please his mom but who knows, right). An hour. That’s all I wanted from him. To know me for an hour. Even if we just went to a playground for that damned hour.

Fast forward to now. He has made a friend of sorts with his own business. My husband “works” for him. Has been for the last month but we have yet to even talk about any form of payment, let alone saw a penny. I’m still cleaning and cooking and taking care of two kids now.

I barely have time to work although I started a month ago again as well. So I sit until the early morning hours to work because I can’t get anything done. Whilst the rest of the family just carries on like normal, I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t get any help from him anymore.

We barely talk because he works late most nights and when he doesn’t and he is home, he is on his phone or sleeping. Right now my income is the only one that we can say with confidence that we are getting in but I can barely work with everything else. I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically.

I look at him and wonder who this man is. I wonder how we got this far… I’m so alone and so bitter and tired. Would I be better off on my own? My parents are more than willing to help me.

They beg me sometimes to just let go and go to them. But I cling to him because when it was good it was great.. I love him more than anything. Should I just divorce him and go to them? Help.

TLDR: I want to divorced my husband because I feel like I’m not getting enough support from him and I’m exhausted. But I feel like I’m being too dramatic because of my postpartum depression.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Hopeful-Confusion599 −  Oh my goodness, love. You have a had a family begging you to come home this whole time? Take your children and GO. And feel the weight of the world lift off your shoulders.

BedExpress2286 −  Not dramatic. You’re a single mother already and will be better off without multiple leaches to your time, energy, etc. Not to mention you’re not even allowed to care for yourself at this point.

Heavy-Outside-1536 −  Go to your parents this is abuse and you have just had a baby so physically and emotionally vulnerable get out now

Timetomakethedonutzz −  Please just make plans to quietly go home. I fear that your husband’s family won’t allow you to just leave with your kids. Can you take the kids to go and “visit” and then spend some time healing and resting and thinking things through?

I am so sorry that you have been mistreated by your husband and his family. It got that to this point because you were pregnant and sick. Pregnant women and new mothers are extremely vulnerable and need protecting. Your husband did not protect you. He essentially abandoned you instead and placed you in a hostile situation.

He is under his mother’s control and there is nothing you can say or do to change it. Your husband has to want to. Your husband and his mother’s relationship is more important to him than your marriage it seems. He needs therapy and to live far away from her.

For now go to your family, QUIETLY. I will say this again take your kids to go and “visit”. Keep extending your “visit” until you have matters settled in your heart and mind. But do what is best for you and your children. Live where you have support and love.

If you end up going back to get your things leave your children with your parents and bring someone with you to help you. Don’t let your husband bring your children back to his mother’s for a visit. I do not trust her. You need healing and you need comfort and support. You are fortunate you have family you can go to.

Apprehensive_Title38 −  Given his devotion to his mother and her business, are you sure he didn’t loose his job on purpose? Because he thinks he has you mighty stuck at this point,

and he has everything he seems to want- married to his mommy, with you for s**, cleaning and babies. Divorce seems like the only outcome where you get to have a life.

fiery_valkyrie −  Absolutely yes, you would be better off alone. Take the kids and go stay with your parents. At least then you won’t have to do all the cleaning. A little more sleep and support will make a massive difference to you.

CosmoKkgirl −  Just stop. Stop cooking, stop cleaning, stop responding to the MIL. Talk back to her, tell her to do it her f’ing self.
Feed yourself and your children. Start getting used to that. Take. Care. Of. You.

Dogzillas_Mom −  Take the kids and go to your parents. You need help and you cannot be a great parent stretched this thin. You’re already a married single mom. And I hate the word help in this context. He shouldn’t be helping, he should be participating in the care And feeding of himself, his family, and his home.

I’m pretty sure your MIL instructed him to not lift a finger. Maybe she thinks you’ll break and she gets to raise your kid with her sonsband.
Just go to your parents. Take a shower. Get a decent night’s sleep. Don’t make any decisions about the relationship for at least a month. Let your body rest and heal with the help of your parents.

This will likely take the bulk of housecleaning and possibly also cooking, off you. Throw in a little childcare here and there and you could be present for your kids and for your work. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But please do whatever is best for the children. I don’t think you running on fumes and depression is what’s best for them.

And speak to your doctor about meds that are safe for breastfeeding (if you are). That might get you through an adjustment period; you won’t necessarily have to take them forever. Work on it or decide about the marriage after you get yourself straight.

It sounds like he was once a great partner, he had your back. But now he’s under the influence of mommy and he’s not seeing how it has destroyed your relationship. If he’s able to get away from her, get some therapy, and start acting like a partner again, then maybe.

Few-Coat1297 −  Move back to your parents. Leave things settle. Ask him if he’d consider moving out of that toxic environment.

metalmorian −  Yes, you would be better off alone. For sure. His family is abusing you. That means HE is abusing you. Life will be SO MUCH BETTER without having to clean up and care for a whole house full of adults AND children. When it’s just you and your kids, things will be so much calmer and more peaceful and fulfilling.

Feeling love is just a feeling. It’s like feeling a need to drink alcohol, or feeling a need to cut to see how much it bleeds. In your case, it’s no less destructive than drinking or cutting, and you have to treat it the same way – by abstinence and getting sober by cutting out the cancer that is keeping you sick (his family and possibly, probably, him).

You do that by moving out from his family to your family, and going from there to start to build up an independent life. You are worth SO MUCH more than what you are living right now, my heart aches for you.

Do you think her feelings are driven by her current overwhelming situation, or is it time to consider ending the marriage for her well-being? How would you handle such a complicated and emotionally charged situation? Share your thoughts and advice below!