My(40m) gf(37f)is out of town, and I wish she wasn’t coming back. Is it over

A 40-year-old man is grappling with the realization that his relationship with his 37-year-old girlfriend of two years has become emotionally draining. Living together for the past six months, he feels stifled by her constant need for validation, nitpicking, and accusations.

Now that she’s out of town, he feels a profound sense of peace and is dreading her return. While he acknowledges her good qualities and that he loves her, the exhaustion and anxiety make him question if it’s time to end things. read the original story below…

‘ My(40m) gf(37f)is out of town, and I wish she wasn’t coming back. Is it over’

I was feeling guilty that I was excited for my gf to leave town. Now that she is gone, the thought of her coming back is giving me anxiety. I realize now how unhappy I am with her. I realized awhile ago I was walking on eggshells around her. Now that she’s gone, I feel like myself again.

I felt better at work even; knowing that I was coming home to peace and quiet. Doing what I want and not having to compromise on everything. Her not nit picking little things. Her not telling me she doesn’t want to watch a show I want to.

Her not getting her feelings hurt if I want to sim race for an hour(so I dont). Not having to worry about someone texting me, and her asking who it is every time and what’s going on. Not having to run literally everything by her, other wise I “don’t tell her anything.”

Not having to worry about saying the wrong thing; even if it’s a complement. Like yesterday, “you look so cute in your new jacket.” Her-“so, I only look cute when I’m wearing it..” (walks away) Also, her accusing me of checking out other women when I’m not. Having said all that, I do love her.

She has many great qualities. I’m just tired. Is it time to call it quits? We’ve been together 2 years, living together for 6 months. I feel like that’s a short time to be this exhausted.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

umamifiend −  It’s okay to enjoy time to yourself. If you haven’t lived with a romantic partner in a while- it can be a big adjustment period. That being said, if *all* you feel is dread and anxiety about her return- you have to listen to your gut. No one but you knows what living with her has been like.

Because if you moved in together 6 months ago- and you say you love her- you have to be reasonable about the fact that if you start talking about moving out- it’s going to be over. You can’t have it both ways. If she’s that prickly about everything- that certainly doesn’t sound like a peaceful home life.

VoodooDuck614 −  Just reading about her response to your compliment gave me anxiety. Life is too short for bad relationships. Be free, OP.

frockofseagulls −  It’s sooo time to end it. Free yourself my friend.

UnusualPotato1515 −  She sounds so draining snd you sound so unhappy, so she needs to go.

ksarahsarah27 −  It’s time to let go. Look at it this way, you’ve lived together six months and this is how you feel. Be glad you had this trial and realized that you don’t want to live this way. The fact that you’re so much more relaxed and look forward to coming home is all the validation you need.

You may care about her, but I don’t think you love her anymore. And she honestly sounds exhausting. No wonder you feel much more relaxed since she’s been gone. Your partner shouldn’t make you feel that way. That being said, be prepared that she will try and say that she’ll be better and to give her another chance.

But unfortunately, this is her personality. And your personality is one of those things that’s hardwired into you. You can change / adjust some minor behaviors, but very often at this age, what you see is what you get. So just be prepared for that conversation to happen because she’s going to most likely try and prolong the break up.

Kisses4Kimmy −  How was it before you moved in together? I’m wondering if it’s possible you guys just don’t know how to “live” with each other/ understand yourself before understanding yourself with someone else under the same roof?

Also have you talked to her about how you feel regarding all this? It’s very okay to say, “I understand you don’t want to watch this show, but I do and would like sometime to watch an episode.

You don’t have to watch it with me and I’m down to watch something you like or something we both like after” or “Honey, I would like to watch the Sim race for a bit, but I’ll get off at X:XX, promise.”

To me it sounds like you aren’t really communicating about your desires and wants in your relationship, only abiding to hers and obviously that’s going to make you want to break up with her. I’m not saying don’t break up with her, but I would like to think you moved in together because you saw something with her future wise.

cawkstrangla −  You need to do a better job of establishing boundaries and calling out b**lshit when you’re in the moment.  When she responded to your compliment like that, you should have asked her why she can’t just take a compliment at face value and not be m**ipulative. Call her out.

When she pretends to get sad that you want to play a racing sim sometimes, let her be sad. It’s ok for her to be sad sometimes. You’re not responsible for her happiness; she is. If you never let her deal with her emotions, and drop everything to make her happy again, she will never be able to self regulate.

You should not change yourself for her or anyone. You might not be compatible but she will never know it if you don’t actually behave like yourself. Play games sometimes do whatever.  Give compliments freely without having to defend them. 

Gorudu −  brother get out of that

snorkels00 −  Yea it’s over. You also sound like you are not emotionally ready to combine your life with someone else. The things you are complaining about are normal relationship stuff that happens and you share that information out of respect for each other because it communication because you aren’t alone on an island anymore.

It sounds like you’d rather be an island still so yea you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore

killinnnmesmallz −  I was always happy when my long-term partner left town and I could enjoy the whole house to myself. That being said, I wouldn’t dread his return either. It sounds like your relationship is a drag and that you could be better off ending it.

Have you ever been in a relationship where love wasn’t enough to overcome constant tension? How do you decide whether to work through it or walk away? Share your perspective below!