My (F24) addict boyfriend (M28) continues to push the boundaries, but I don’t want to feel like I am ruining his life?

A 24-year-old woman is grappling with the fallout of her relationship with her 28-year-old boyfriend, who has struggled with addiction to alcohol and kratom. After relapses, stealing money, and emotional manipulation, she had his parents move him out of her home.

However, when he became homeless and contracted COVID, she allowed him back temporarily. Despite her repeated attempts to end the relationship, he refuses to accept the breakup and continues to stay at her house, blaming her for his circumstances.

Feeling torn between empathy and self-preservation, she’s unsure how to move forward without feeling like she’s ruining his life while also protecting her own. read the original story below…

‘ My (F24) addict boyfriend (M28) continues to push the boundaries, but I don’t want to feel like I am ruining his life?’

I’ll start out by saying that the first year of our relationship was great… until the drinking started. He is a “binge” drinking a**oholic and had about a 1 month relapse one year into our relationship. It was bad. But it ended quickly. I thought all was well.

We had started to heal all the negativity of that time in our relationship until the last few months. Come to find out, he was addicted to Kratom as well as alcohol. He spent all of his money on Kratom because apparently it helps him to not drink.

During this time, he ended up moving in with me for what I communicated was only going to be a 2 month long period. Long story short, that ended up being 6 months. His addiction only worsened and he didn’t have a job, so he ended up stealing at least $300 of my own money and spent it on Kratom.

I catch him in that, and he promises to quit. Meanwhile, while he is quitting kratom, he relapses again on alcohol. And it is so bad. So SO bad. All while, he was talking to another girl behind my back, while still claiming to love me. I end up having to have his PARENTS come and move him out of my house.

Well, now he is homeless, and he is blaming it all on me again. Because, surprise surprise, his parents kicked him out. He ended up getting COVID and so I let him stay in my house while he was recovering since it was like 12 degrees outside.

I have tried to explain to him that our relationship is over but he claims that “I broke up with him, but he hasn’t broken up with me”. He is still jobless, in debt, has no job prospects, and just continues to live at my house. He claims that he is sober, but my gut feeling is telling me something else.

I know that I messed up in letting him come back… but I am confused on how I should move forward. I feel like I understand that I am being manipulated, but it’s a constant battle between my head and my heart. I am trying to figure out how to deal with this situation without completely feeling like I am wrecking his life, and upending my own.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

sadira246 −  …girl WHAT???? GET HIM OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR LIFE!!

Agreeable-Youth-2244 −  He’s absolutely using you. Get him out of your household asap 

Glambidextrous42069 −  OP, the one thing you shouldn’t do for an addict is take care of all of their needs. This just enables them to continue using while draining your own emotions and resources.

Yes, you are being manipulated. He is manipulating you because he is an addict, and as long as you continue to provide him food, shelter, etc. he will continue to use.

You are enabling his use. His own parents kicked him out for a reason, there is no need for you to step in and take their place. Get his ass out before he can claim squatter’s rights.

lauradiamandis −  …he’s a homeless a**oholic with no job and you’re afraid YOURE ruining his life? Please, please have one moment of self esteem and block him permanently. Call the cops to get him out of your house if you have to.

prairie_harlet −  Youre not ruining his life, youre ruining YOURS.  The sooner you  remove him from your house, the easier it will be to focus on whats right and move forward.  He’s a grown man who is making his own decisions and youre allowing him to dictate your life also. I guess you want to be rock bottom aswell?

Business_Ad6381 −  Girl bffr please. Leave that man

ALittleBitBeefy −  This is crazy. Girl. GIRL.

Rebekah513 −  Why are you still with this guy?

yoshi320 −  You need to kick him out. He’s using you. He’s not your problem anymore. The only person who can help him is himself.

grumpy__g −  What about him ruining your life? Is that ok for you?

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What advice would you give to someone trying to navigate between helping a loved one and protecting their own boundaries? Share your thoughts below!