Won’t speak to my husband cz he doesn’t help w baby ?

A frustrated mother of a 9-month-old baby shares her struggles with balancing work, a part-time master’s program, and motherhood while receiving minimal support from her husband.

Despite owning a business that doesn’t demand much of his time, her husband often wakes up late, spends a few hours on his computer, and leaves for personal activities in the evening.

She has repeatedly asked for help with the baby during the day, especially as her workload increases during the holiday season, but her requests have been brushed aside. Fed up and exhausted, she stopped talking to him, hoping it might prompt a change.

Four days later, while he’s expressed sadness over their silence, he’s made no real effort to help, leaving her feeling alone and overwhelmed. read the original story below…

‘ Won’t speak to my husband cz he doesn’t help w baby ?’

Throwaway account.I (32F) am married to my husband (32M) and have a 9mo baby. We have been together for 7 years, live together for 4 years and married for 1 year. I am a freelancer and work from home, at the same time attend a part time MSc.

My phone starts ringing from 9 am some days and emails keep coming in all morning. My baby wakes up at 9, eats and has a routine (getting dressed playing on the floor etc).

My husband is the owner of a small business that actually runs by itself and he only sends a few mails and talks on the phone for a while every day. Lately, he wakes up at 2 or 3 pm (today 5 pm), sits on his computer for about 3 hours then leaves around 6-7 due to activities and comes back after 9 pm that the baby is asleep.

Lately -especially due to Christmas period – my work is overloading, I have coursework essays to deliver for my master’s and I also want to be able to spend quality time with the baby not just feeding and changing diapers.

I keep asking my husband to wake up earlier (like 10-11 am) help out with the baby, play-feed- take care of her while I work especially if my phone keeps ringing and I have to answer. I receive no help. I feel like I don’t have 5 minutes to myself and my husband doesn’t have 5 minutes for the baby.

I am angry all the time and after several arguments and a comment that I bother him I decided I don’t want to argue anymore and stopped talking to him altogether. I explained that since I have nothing positive to say, I don’t want to talk. He has made some attempts to talk but brushing off what I am saying.

Doesn’t want to really get into the conversation just get it over with so I will speak to him again. Other than that he just waits for me to get over it and makes no attempts to fix the situation. On my view, I am already alone so idc for pleasantries.

He is sad we don’t speak -so am I – but still no effort to contribute or even to wake up at a reasonable time of the day and distract the baby while I work. Not even talking about feeding/ bathing/ taking for a walk.

I have help form my mother and MIL but I can’t ask them to keep the baby more than 4-5 hours a day, during which I also have to do laundry, make baby’s meals etc. Its been 4 days now and at this point even I don’t know how it will change since the situation remains the same.. Any advice?. TL;DR

I am working from home and taking care of a baby. Even though my husband has time to help he won’t. I stopped speaking to him 4 days ago. Any advice?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

morgaina −  I mean it sounds like he wants you to divorce him. It sounds like he really *really* wants that, so maybe you should just ask him if that’s the end goal he’s hoping for. Because to my ears it sounds like he’s incredibly selfish and thinks that there will be zero consequences for his actions.

If you inform him that his actions will have drastic consequences unless he gets his s**t together, maybe he will discover the ability to give a f**k about the family he made.. Probably not, though.

Ms_Teacher_90 −  I was in the same situation my son’s first year of life. My husband would not help at all, would sleep in all the time (would log into work from home so it looked like he was working but go back to sleep),

didn’t wake up once in the night with our son, didn’t let me go anywhere without my son- the one time I went to get my hair done by myself he called me panicked saying the baby won’t stop crying and I have to come home. I feel for you. I divorced him. I’m so much happier.

dca_user −  Many people (usually men) start to act in ways like this when they want a divorce, but they don’t wanna be the one to pull the trigger because I don’t wanna look like the bad guy.

For now, I would say ask your mom and mother-in-law for help and explicitly say it’s because my husband is sleeping or doesn’t wanna help take care of the kid or the household stuff while I work to pay our bills. Let people know what he’s doing. Also make sure you’re not doing any chores for him. Don’t do his laundry.

ale473 −  A 32 year old man that stays in bed until 5pm, girl, you have a major husband problem, unless he has unaddressed mental health illness, then this is his choice. He chooses to avoid his own child, how long before your child starts to feel their fathers r**ection?

Newsflash sooner than you want to imagine. Ask yourself if this was your child/sister/ friend telling you this. What would you tell them to do? You have tried talking, but that doesn’t work, so your only other option is to somehow have him agree to marriage counselling or a divorce.

He has shown you how much you and his child matter to him, believe him for your own mental health.

infieldcookie −  Why is he going out for 2-3 hours every single day? That alone would p**s me off. The fact he won’t interact with the baby at all is horrible, at a certain point your child will realise that he doesn’t care about them. Sounds like you’d actually get more help if you left him and went to stay with your mum.

StWens −  Are you willing to divorce him? If so I would say nothing to him until you first speak to a divorce attorney. Your number one priority should be to protect yourself and your baby financially.

fiestyfifty22 −  Stop doing any washing or cooking for him. Care only for you and your baby. Tell him this is heading for a divorce if he doesn’t change. In the meantime, do nothing for him. He does nothing for you or your baby. NTA

brownshugababy −  Ffs. Leave already. He has no interest in being a family. You’re already a single mom. Might as well get divorced and have him pay child support.

Life_uh_FindsAWay42 −  Silent treatment is not an effective solution to anything, but it could be the beginning of your plan to separate. I think your best next step would be to speak to a lawyer about your options.

Once you understand what the next steps would be, start working towards the best exit plan for you and your child. Divorce might be hard to face, but what do you see as the alternative? If he suddenly flipped a switch and became the person you know he is capable of being, how would you feel?

When I left, my ex husband flipped this switch and all it suggested to me was that it was his choice to be an a**hole all along. It just filled me with more disgust.

sissyjones −  I’m sad my partner has given up on me for being a s**tty father and even shittier husband but I won’t change because…

What advice would you give to this mom struggling with an unbalanced partnership? How can they find a way forward? Share your thoughts below!