AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery, even though she offered to pay for it?
A Reddit user shares how a disagreement with her mother-in-law (MIL) over their nursery decor escalated into unexpected drama. While the user and her husband cherish the simple, personalized space they created, MIL’s insistence on redecorating—and her extreme reaction when they declined—has left them questioning the situation. Read the story and the surprising update below.
‘ AITA for refusing to let my mother-in-law redecorate our nursery, even though she offered to pay for it?’
husband (32M) and I (29F) are expecting our first child in August. We’re really excited, but admittedly a little o**rwhelmed with everything that comes with prepping for a baby. One of the big things we were proud of was finishing the nursery last month—it’s simple but feels perfect for us. We went with soft colors, some handmade decorations, and furniture we either thrifted or built ourselves to save money.
The issue started when my MIL came over to see it. She immediately made comments like, “Oh, this looks so bare. Where’s the fun? Don’t you want your baby to be surrounded by bright, happy colors?” and, “It’s nice, but this feels unfinished, don’t you think?” I brushed it off at first, but a week later, she brought it up again and offered to “fix it up” as a gift—saying she’d pay for everything and have it done in time for the baby’s arrival.
I told her I appreciated the offer, but we weren’t interested in changing anything. She got frustrated and said something like, “It’s not about you, it’s about what’s best for the baby,” and implied our “boring” nursery wouldn’t be “stimulating” enough. I don’t think she meant to sound insulting, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
Now, my husband is caught in the middle. He says he gets where I’m coming from, but since his mom is so excited and offering to pay, we should just let her. He also said, “It’s just decorations; it doesn’t have to be a big deal.” I feel like this is a big deal, though—it’s our home, our baby, and we worked hard on this space.
I asked a friend, and she said I’m being too territorial and should let MIL be involved since it’s a gift and I can always change things later. But I’ve seen posts on here where MILs steamroll boundaries, and I don’t want to set a precedent. At the same time, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. So, AITA for refusing her help when she’s just trying to be generous and involved? Is this a hill worth dying on?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
coygobbler − NTA. I would just tell her you appreciate the generosity but you like it as is and you don’t want to discuss it again. Maybe even suggest she put the money for the nursery into a college fund for your kid
Straight_Coconut_317 − If you give in on this, the next thing she’ll want to choose the baby‘s name, then how you feed the baby and dress the baby and on and on and on, to school and pediatricians and everything else. Stamp this out now. You and your husband decorated for your child in your home, that’s that. explain to him that it’s time for him to stop being a son and to start being a father.
miyuki_m − NTA. You’ve already decorated it the way you wanted to, and both you and your husband were happy with it until your MIL spoke up. While the offer was generous, the fact that she is refusing to respect your decision is out of line.
Now is the time to set boundaries and let her know that you are this child’s mother. You and your husband will be making the decisions. While she will be an important person in your child’s life, you expect her to respect your choices. I suggest talking to your husband about this and making sure the two of you are aligned. You need to be a team.
princesssdarling − you’re not in the wrong at all. It’s YOUR baby, YOUR nursery, and you worked hard for it. She needs to chill and respect your choices. It’s sweet she wants to help, but it’s crossing a line. You’ve got your hubby’s support, and that’s all that matters. You do you!
The_Bad_Agent − NTA. Your MiL seems to forget that this isn’t her baby. She needs to swerve back in her lane, and mind her own business. If she wants a new nursery, she can have one in her home EXACTLY how she likes it. Tell your husband to grow a spine, and put his mother in check.
Strange-Marzipan9641 − You’re due in eight months and “just finished” the nursery last month?! Did you start the day you conceived? Is this fake?
BeachinLife1 − Your husband doesn’t understand. It’s not “just decorations,” this would only be the beginning of a lifetime of her undermining everything you do. Go ahead and tell him now that she’s also not coming in the delivery room.
lucille12121 − But I’ve seen posts on here where MILs steamroll boundaries, and I don’t want to set a precedent. YUP. You nailed the problem. You’ve got yourself a pushy, invasive MIL who is jacked up on being a grandma. Set the boundary hard now and your future self with thank you.
Your husband needs to remember who lives with him in that house and who owns it: and it’s not his mommy. He needs to back you. Your husband is only caught in the middle because he wrongly thinks his mom is a part of your marriage and immediate family.
Being “too territorial”!? It is literally your own home! One cannot be too territorial in their own house. Your friend sucks too, OP.. Is this a hill worth dying on?It’s not your hill and you won’t die. Stick with your no.. NTA
HiddenWallflower13 − The math doesn’t make sense… last month you barely found out you were pregnant AND you finished the nursery in the same month? This seems fake.
StrategyDouble4177 − Who the hell thinks they get to decide what another person does with their own home? It blows my mind that your MIL felt confident in challenging you on this. If you let her do this, she will never, ever, ever stop. Also, your husband is NOT “caught” in the middle. He is CHOOSING to be in the middle. He married you. He lives with you.
Your MIL has absolutely no right to dictate how your home is decorated, and she is absolutely pathetic for trying to manipulate this into being “about the baby”. He needs to shut that s**t down and show her and you VERY clearly that he will never ever back his mother over you. Is husband married to you or mommy? He needs to figure that out NOW.
Do you think the user was right to stand firm on their nursery choices, or should they have let the MIL help to maintain family harmony? How would you handle a situation where generosity crosses into overstepping boundaries? Share your thoughts below!