AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend drive my car because she’s totaled two cars before?

A 24-year-old man recently purchased his first nice car, a 2019 Mazda 3, after years of hard work. His girlfriend, Emily, who has totaled two cars and has a record of careless driving, wants to drive it. He has repeatedly refused, citing her driving history, including tailgating and scraping his previous car.

Recently, she accused him of being controlling and embarrassing her when he directly stated his reasons. Emily even retaliated by refusing him access to her PC. He wonders if he’s in the wrong for prioritizing his car’s safety. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to let my girlfriend drive my car because she’s totaled two cars before?’

So I (24M) recently bought my first “nice” car—a 2019 Mazda 3. It’s not a luxury car or anything, but I worked my ass off for it. I saved for years, drove beaters while I worked two jobs, and when I finally got this car, it felt like a reward for all my effort.

I take care of it, too—I wash it every weekend, never let it get below half a tank, and park away from everyone else in parking lots like a total d**k. Here’s the issue: my girlfriend, Emily (24F), wants to drive it. I love Emily, but she is the single worst driver I’ve ever met. And I’m not exaggerating:

1. She’s totaled two cars in the past two years. The first was because she “misjudged” the distance while merging on the highway. The second? She reversed into a light pole in an empty parking lot.

2. She tailgates like crazy. I’ve had to tell her multiple times to back off the car in front of her when I’m in the passenger seat because it feels like we’re going to die.3. She’s admitted she “doesn’t like paying attention” while driving because “it’s boring.” I wish I were kidding.

I’ve let her drive my old car once before (a 15-year-old Civic I wasn’t super attached to), and she managed to scrape it pulling into a gas station. After that, I said I’d never let her drive my car again, and we both kind of laughed it off. Well, now I have this car, and she keeps asking to drive it.

At first, it was playful—stuff like, “Let me take it for a spin!”—and I just said no with a laugh. But recently, she’s been getting more annoyed about it. She says stuff like, “You act like I’m going to crash it or something.” And, well… yeah.

The other day, we were driving to dinner (me driving, obviously), and she brought it up again. She said it’s “weird” that I won’t let my own girlfriend drive my car and that it makes her feel like I don’t trust her.

I told her straight up: “It’s not that I don’t trust you—it’s that I’ve seen you drive, and I can’t afford to have this car wrecked.” She got quiet and didn’t say much for the rest of the night. Later, she told me I embarrassed her and made her feel like she’s incompetent.

I said I wasn’t trying to embarrass her, but she has totaled two cars. She said I should “get over it” because accidents happen, and that I’m being controlling. Now she doesn’t even let me use her pc because “i may break it” when there has never been such an issue before. I think it’s just childish.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Entarotupac −  My sister had been in 7 car collisions–none her fault, not even when she destroyed our mom’s garage. It “jumped out” at her. Some people really don’t understand driving. Like your girlfriend, some people will contrive any reason not to be to blame.

Consider whether she does this in other aspects of her life—is she *ever* at fault for *anything* that goes wrong? Is she capable of admitting responsibility in any context? And if this is a driving-only issue of denial, would you be comfortable say, sending her out with children in the car (your own or nieces, nephews, whatever)?. And of course, NTA

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. Not only is she a bad driver, but she refuses to take any responsibility. Both of her major “accidents” were entirely her fault, but you should “get over it”. You’d be crazy to let her drive. Given her retaliation via her PC, you need to also evaluate whether you’d be crazy to stick with her.

_wastedspace −  NTA. Regardless of your reasoning, your gf is not entitled to driving your car. If she brings it up again, bring up all of the things she’s done while driving the other cars. But also, do you really want to stay in a relationship with someone like this?

The bad driving, the immature pettiness (not allowing you to use her pc), the lack of self awareness, the inability to take NO as an answer? Like I think the way she responded to you uncovers a lot more issues with this one than just bad driving.

CarryOk3080 −  Nta. She is irresponsible and quite frankly AN AWFUL PERSON for thinking her behavior is ok or “cute” How can you even look at your gf knowing she is this lackadaisical about other’s safety on the road?

EW how will you feel when she hurts someone or worse kills someone with her i**ot look on driving …I don’t like to pay attention wah wah I’m an entitled j**k is what that sounds like. Would you let her drive your future kids around if the answer is no what are you doing with her?

HsinVega −  NTA Later, she told me I embarrassed her and made her feel like she’s incompetent. She is not only incompetent but a danger to herself and others. She should have her license revoked from what you wrote.

Rohini_rambles −  Why are you sugar coating the truth? You do not trust her to drive tour car. You do think she will total it. I mean,, I’m impressed you don’t sound more alarmed that shes going to kill herself or someone else because “paying attention”  is BORING???

I’m impressed you’re still with her when you think shee drives Ina  way that actually makes you feel unsafe and like she’s going to run into another car. You sound like you’re underreacting. Are you not worried she’ll kill herself in an accident? Is she so unbothered with life that she does not even know she drives unsafely? 

cerulean_vermillion −  As someone who has lost a family member due to others reckless and dangerous driving I am horrified by your girlfriends irresponsible attitude. How would she feel if she caused the d**th of someone?

Absolutely no way would I let her drive my car. In fact I would not stay in a relationship with someone so reckless and immature.

Cavane42 −  NTA, but do you really want to be in a relationship with someone so incapable of self-reflection?

mdthomas −  It’s your car. She could have a spotless driving record and you would still be OK for saying no.. She has no claim to your property.. NTA

dearbornx −  She is incompetent, and she should be embarrassed. Bad driving can kill someone. She doesn’t like to pay attention while driving? What’s she going to do when a kid runs into the road while she’s not paying attention?

NTA. I wouldn’t be with her though, because personally there’s something deeply concerning to me about people who don’t care about others’ safety in such a massive way.

Is the OP justified in refusing to let Emily drive his car given her track record, or is he being overly harsh? How would you approach a similar situation? Share your opinion below!